Kevin & Scotty: March 2011

Home Is Where The Fort Is

First Aired: 06/Mar/2011

Justin: Hey, sorry we're late. My support group went over.
Scotty: At ease. We don't open for another hour.
Zach: I'm gonna go get my apron, then I'm all yours.
Scotty: So you picked up Zach again from his meeting. That was nice.
Justin: Yeah, well, the, uh, the bus takes twice as long, and I figured while I was here, I'll hang Olivia's shelves.
Scotty: Oh, you don't have to do that. Kevin will be back any minute.
Justin: Kevin?
Scotty: Yeah. He's all handy now. I showed him how to use a glue gun.
Justin: Right. Uh, where's the toolbox?
Scotty: Underneath the sink.
Justin: Great.
Zach: All right. I'm officially on the clock. Where do you need me?
Scotty: Uh, why don't you help Dennis with the salad Greens?
Zach: You got it, boss.
Scotty: Great.
Justin: Hey. Thanks a lot, Scotty, for helping him out. I really appreciate it.
Scotty: I wish all my employees had his work ethic. If you can chauffer him around, let him sleep on your couch, it's the least I can do.
Justin: How do you think he's doing?
Scotty: Good, I think. Yeah, I think it's good for him to have the routine, camaraderie. I think he misses it, you know, the marines? I think he's happy to have structure in his life again.
Justin: Uh, where are the shelves?
Scotty: Uh, upstairs, Olivia's room.
Justin: Olivia's room. Got it.
Scotty: Thank you.

Scotty: How's that look?
Olivia: "Olivia Carla Salazar, born July 11, 2001, was placed for adoption"...
Kevin: Go on. That's right.
Jill: Wow. You're making a lot of progress with your reading, Olivia.
Olivia: They got me a tutor and they quiz me, like, every five seconds.
Scotty: She's exaggerating. It's more like every ten seconds.
Kevin: Yeah.
Olivia: "Placed in the home of"... Hey, look. Scotty signed where it says "full name of male applicant," and Kevin signed where it says "full name of female applicant."
Kevin: Good catch.
Jill: Yeah, our placement forms haven't quite caught up with the times.
Kevin: Mm.
Olivia: "Kevin Herbert Walker"? That's your middle name? I'm gonna be calling you Herb from now on.
Kevin: Are we done yet?
Jill: Actually, I think you are. Yeah, all it takes now is a quick appearance before the judge, which is more of a celebration than anything else, but it's official.
Olivia: No more weekends only?
Jill: Nope. You are a family now.
Kevin: Hee.
Jill: So, Olivia, are you excited to start a new school on Monday and meet new friends?
Olivia: Yeah, I guess it'll be fun. I just wish I could bring Zemulon.
Jill: Oh, is this the famous gecko I've been hearing about?
Scotty: Oh, yeah.
Jill: It's nice to finally meet you, sir. Well, if you need anything, you know where to reach me. Other than that, I'd say, my work here is done.
Olivia: Bye, Jill.
Jill: Bye, sweetie.
Scotty: Bye, Jill. Thank you.
Jill: Mwah. Congratulations.
Kevin: Thanks, Jill.
Jill: Bye.
Kevin: Bye.
Olivia: What are you guys smiling about?
Kevin: Because we thought you might like to record our new answering machine message.
Olivia: Really?
Kevin: Yes, really.
Scotty: So just start talking... after the beep.
Answering Machine: Record your greeting after the tone.
Olivia: Hi, you've reached the home of Kevin and Scotty and Olivia and Zemulon.
Kevin: Of course.
Olivia: Please leave a message after the beep.
Kevin: Perfect.
Scotty: Perfect. Good work.

Kevin: Hey, guys. Did you have fun shopping? What is that?
Scotty: This is the sovereign kingdom of Zemulonia.
Olivia: That's not what it's called. It's called Gecko Town.
Scotty: Right, Gecko Town. Population... one extremely lucky gecko.
Kevin: Wow. How long did that take to build?
Scotty: All day. How was work?
Kevin: Fine. I thought we were gonna go shopping for school supplies.
Scotty: Well, we were, but we kind of got carried away with Gecko Town.
Olivia: It's amazing, huh?
Kevin: Yeah, but don't you want to be prepared for classes on Monday?
Scotty: Scotty said we could go later. Look, Zemulon, it's a swimming pool.
Scotty: We... we can go together tomorrow.
Olivia: I have a great idea. Popsicles.
Kevin: Um, before dinner?
Olivia: No, we can use the wood part for a diving board.
Scotty: Oh, how about an emery board? I've got some in the bathroom underneath the sink.
Olivia: Emery board?
Kevin: You use an emery board?
Scotty: Your middle name is Herbert? Oh, better yet. There is a pink foot file. You can use that.
Olivia: Perfect.
Kevin: Did you even leave the apartment?
Scotty: No, but I thought it was important for her to, you know, make herself feel at home.
Kevin: Well, she's definitely doing that.
Scotty: Kevin, relax. She is so happy right now. That's the most important thing. Let her make a footprint, okay?
Kevin: A footprint's one thing, but look at this place. She's like sasquatch.
Olivia: Got it.
Kevin: So do I get a tour of Gecko Town?
Olivia: Sorry. Zemulon's not accepting any visitors right now.
Kevin: Aww.

Kevin: And then how cool is this? An 8-piece multipurpose compass and geometry set. Even cooler... unicorn stickers. You want a few for Paige?
Luc: If only stickers could solve my problem. Paige wouldn't even talk to me this morning.
Kevin: At least she spent the night in her own bed. Olivia spent the night in her fort.
Luc: A fort?
Kevin: Yeah. We spent all this money fixing up her room, and she's just not interested in it. It's all about Gecko Town now. You want a coffee?
Luc: Please.
Kevin: So what are you gonna do about Paige?
Luc: I don't know. I think I'm gonna call Sarah.
Kevin: N-no, absolutely not. That's like admitting defeat. Look, if the women of this family leave town and we fall apart, game over.
Luc: Ah, speak of the devil.
Kevin: Bad news?
Luc: "Just give her the money. I will explain when I get home." I can't believe this. She's just completely undermined my authority.
Kevin: Well, don't lose your resolve. Look, Sarah is out of town. You're in charge now.

Sarah: I gotta take this. Hey, babe. Is everything okay?
Luc: No, no, no. It makes it very hard for me to be the parent if Paige knows she can just go around me..
Kevin: Tell her she's undermining your authority.
Sarah: Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
Luc: Yeah, you're undermining my authority, Sarah.
Sarah: Look, things have been crazy here. It's Evan's birthday this afternoon, and mom thinks Kitty's joined the CIA.
Luc: Your mom thinks Kitty is in the CIA.
Kevin: Well, that's ridiculous. I can get a secret out of Kitty with a glass of chardonnay.
Luc: Just tell me what it's for.
Sarah: I can't. I... I'm not trying to undermine you. I promise you, I'm not. I... okay, listen. It's for a bra.
Luc: A bra?
Sarah: She's too embarrassed to tell you. So could you just please give her the money and don't say that I said anything?
Luc: Okay. I-I'll call you later.
Sarah: Love you.
Kevin: It was for a bra? You see, you were just making mountains out of molehills. That... that came out wrong.
Luc: She was too embarrassed to tell me.
Kevin: Well, of course. I'm sure she wouldn't even say that to her real dad. That came out wrong as well.

Kevin: It's bigger.
Scotty: A little.
Kevin: A little? Come on, Scotty. It's an architectural monstrosity. I'm surprised she hasn't had plumbing and electric installed. Is she... is she downstairs with the tutor?
Scotty: Yes. Maybe she'll become a contractor when she grows up.
Kevin: Really? That's your response? You're just gonna roll with it?
Scotty: Okay, it has gotten a little out of hand, but we want her to feel at home, right?
Kevin: Yes, feel at home, not build one. This thing is dangerous. If Zemulon's heat lamps scorch one of those sheets, we'd have a fire on our hands.
Scotty: Okay. We'll be careful.
Kevin: I think it's out of control. I mean, I know we want to be the cool parents, and she's having a good time, but something's going on. I think she's overcompensating.
Scotty: What do you mean?
Kevin: She has a new home, a new family. She's starting a new school on Monday, which you've conveniently let her ignore. Now she has a slew of Walkers about to descend on her. I think she's scared out of her mind.
Scotty: Okay. What do you think we should do, tear it down?
Kevin: No. I think we should talk to her. Whatever it is, she needs to tell us, but this fort isn't the answer.
Scotty: Okay, when she's done with her tutor, we will talk to her. Agreed?
Kevin: Agreed.

Kevin: Knock. Knock.
Olivia: What are you doing?
Scotty: Wow. This is so much bigger than my first apartment.
Kevin: Oh, wow. Yeah.
Scotty: Yeah.
Kevin: And if we move the TV over there, we'll have so much more room for the microwave.
Scotty: Mm.
Olivia: Microwave?
Kevin: Yeah. Look, Olivia, the whole point of us adopting you was that we could all live together. Now if you want to live in here, that's cool. But Scotty and I are gonna join you.
Olivia: There's not enough room.
Scotty: Oh, there's enough room.
Kevin: Yeah.
Olivia: You guys really want to live in here with me?
Scotty: Yeah.
Kevin: If that's what you want.
Olivia: Would I still have to go to school?
Scotty: Yes, but we would be here when you got back.
Kevin: Are you... Are you nervous about going to school?
Olivia: A little.
Kevin: Mm-hmm. I hated school. I used to put a thermometer up against the lightbulb so I could fake a fever and stay home all day.
Scotty: Don't tell her how to do that.
Kevin: The point is, it's okay to be scared. You can tell us that, because that's why we're here, to make you feel safe.
Olivia: I'm kind of nervous about meeting your brothers and sisters, too.
Scotty: I can totally relate. I was terrified. But now I'm one of the family.
Kevin: And guess what. You're one of the family, too.
Olivia: So do you guys want me to read you a story before we go to sleep?
Kevin: Yes. What are we having?
Olivia: "Good night, grasshopper."
Scotty: Oh.
Kevin: Oh. A classic.
Olivia: "Once upon a time, in a big field near the city, a grasshopper family lived in their grasshopper house doing grasshopper things all the day long."

Kevin: Remember being exhausted from just drinking all night?
Scotty: Oh, and dancing. Remember dancing?
Kevin: No, but I wasn't good at it anyway.
Scotty: How long do you think we're gonna have to sleep in there?
Kevin: The fort? I don't know, but I'll tell you one thing. I would not have done well in the civil war.
Olivia: Good morning. How's it going?
Kevin: Morning. Well, aren't you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed?
Olivia: Why wouldn't I be?
Kevin: Mm.
Olivia: Scotty, can you help me iron my outfit for the party?
Scotty: Sure.
Olivia: Great.
Kevin: W-wait a minute. Aren't you using the ironing board as one of the major support beams in Gecko Town?
Olivia: It's okay. I took it down.
Kevin & Scotty: The fort?
Olivia: Yeah. Zemulon thought it was too crowded.
Scotty: Well, how do you feel about that?
Kevin: It's... it's fine. Let it go.
Scotty: Right. Okay. I'll be up in a minute.
Olivia: Thanks.
Kevin: Yes.
Scotty: It worked.
Scotty: Good-bye, Gecko Town.

♪ Baby Tomorrow ♪ by Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors ♪ Listen
Olivia: Wow. Lots of presents.
Kevin: Right?
Scotty: Well, you just wait until your birthday.
Kevin: Yeah.
Sarah: Are you ready for your first Walker party, Olivia?
Luc: I remember my first Walker party.
Sarah: Oh, my God.
Luc: I drank a lot of wine.
Kevin: Yeah, you did.
Olivia: Does that mean I get to drink wine?
Kevin: No.
Scotty: Are you crazy?
Kevin: Oh, let's show Olivia what we do with presents in this family.
Sarah: Oh, yeah. Oh, okay.
Kevin: Go.
Sarah: Oh, okay.
Paige: Ooh, robot.
Kevin: Stuffed monkey.
Sarah: Uh, socks. Very boring.
Kevin: Uh, an Olivia? Uh-oh. I think I hear a birthday boy!
Evan: Hi, Uncle noodles.
Kevin: Hey, buddy. Hi. How you doing, buddy?
Evan: Hi, Uncle noodles.
Kevin: How are you?
Nora: Uh, listen, I-I need someone to help me f-r-o-s-t these...
Justin: Okay, I got it. I got it. I got this.
Nora: Take it. Hey, Evan, let's go see that pinata I've heard so much about.
Kevin: So you want to tell me what the hell's going on? You all right?
Kitty: Yeah, yeah. We'll go for a walk later, and I'll tell you everything.
Kevin: Okay. Come meet Olivia.
Kitty: Oh. Oh, Olivia is just so adorable, Kevin.
Sarah: I know. I just... I want to squeeze those cheeks.
Kevin: Would you please leave my daughter's cheeks alone?
Sarah & Kitty: Aw. Your daughter.
Sarah: Aw. Don't worry, you're gonna have a kid one day.
Kevin: I think we should start him slow, though, like a fish.
Kitty: Oh, maybe a plant.
Sarah: A plastic one.
Justin: Nice.
Paige: So, Olivia, I heard you're starting at my old school. Are you nervous?
Olivia: Kinda.
Paige: It's not that scary, but you... you have to get. Mrs. Earl for math. She looks pretty mean, but she's actually the nicest teacher in the whole school...
Kevin: Look at them.
Sarah: It's the next generation of Walkers.
Justin: Yay!
Sarah: Oh, the party's on.
Nora: These are for later. We're gonna have fun now.
Kitty: Let me see. Hey, baby.
Nora: Give Evan a stick.
Justin: Ready?
All: Evan! Evan!
Justin: All right, bud. All right, here we go. Ready? One, two... Three.
Nora: Go get the stick and hit it. Quick! Pictures!

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Monday 7 March 2011

Season 5 Episode 16 - music

Sunday 6 March 2011

Season 5 Episode 16