Season 5 Episode 14

The One That Got Away First Aired: 13/Feb/2011

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Saul: Scotty, we're reallybooked solid tonight. You know, in case wehave any walk-ins, I'm thinking maybe we should squeeze an extra 2-top into that corner. Scotty: What are you wearing, by the way? Saul: Oh. Uh, Jonathan's coming over. We're going power walking. We've been doing it for a few weeks. Scotty: Please tell me you don't go to the mall. Is that velour? Saul: Nice. Make fun of the two old men who like to walk funny. See if that gets you into heaven. Scotty: I'm sorry. It's... it's cute. So you guys have been, uh, seeing a lot of each other, huh? Saul: Don't make it sound like that, because it's not. Scotty: Well, forgive me for being romantic on Valentine's Day. Jonathan: Hi. Saul: Jonathan. Hey. Jonathan: Hey. Scotty: You guys match, by the way. You guys part of a power walking team? Scotty: You're vicious. You know that? Saul: Come on. Let's go. Scotty: Wait, wait, wait. Saul, who's Franklin Norman Beenz? He made a reservation for one on Valentine's Day. Jonathan: Frank N. Beenz? Scotty: You know him? Jonathan: I know Edward Lemonde. That's one of his cover names. Scotty: You're kidding me. Saul: You know Edward Lemonde, the food critic? Scotty: Yeah. W-well, why would he come tonight? It's a prix fixe. Saul: How well do you know him? Jonathan: Well, he calls me occasionally. Saul: Really? Jonathan: Well, I accompany him to restaurants. Saul: Oh, I-I didn't know that. Jonathan: Well, we're not dating. Saul: Whatever. It'd be fine if you were. Jonathan: Well, we're not. Matter of fact, he called me yesterday. I told him I was busy. Scotty: What... what did he call you about? Jonathan: Tonight, actually. He didn't tell me the name of the restaurant. Saul: Excuse me. He called you to invite you to dinner here for Valentine's Day? Jonathan: Yeah. Saul: Hmm. So why did you say no? Jonathan: Well, I didn't think I'd be comfortable with it. Saul: But, Jonathan, he's gonna review us. Jonathan: What do you want me to do, try to influence his opinions? Saul: No. Don't look at it that way. You know, just to keep him company. Jonathan, I told you, I don't mind if you're dating. Jonathan: We're not dating. Saul: I-I-I-I have an idea. Why don't you call him back? I don't think it's too late. Scotty: Wait. Laverne, Shirley has a very bad feeling about this little scheme of yours. Saul: I don't understand what the big deal is. Scotty: You don't want him to do this. Come on. Jonathan: No, no, no. I-I'd actually love to do it. As a matter of fact, I should've said yes in the first place. I'm power walking, Saul! Saul: I'll be right there! Scotty: You realize you're pimping him out. Saul: Would you be quiet? He's fine with it. We don't want a critic eating alone on Valentine's Day. I'm coming, Jonathan! He'll do it. Scotty: Okay, once you're done with the onions, start on the reduction. I'll do the caramelizing. Justin: Scotty. Luc: Hey. Justin: How you doing? What's going on? Luc: Hey. Justin: Right. So, uh, look, I know this may be a little last minute, but we were sorta... Scotty: Okay, stop right now. I don't know what you guys are doing here, but I need you to leave now. Luc: Can you do a little cassoulet to go? Scotty: No. A cass... No, I can't do that. I have a major critic coming tonight, and I'm a little crazed, Luc. Luc: I would not be here if it was not an emergency. I told Sarah that I will do something special for Valentine's, and... I failed miserably. You understand romance, how important the big gesture is. Justin: I get romance. I just don't think you need shock and awe to prove it. All... What do you think, Scotty? Scotty: Me? Justin: Mm-hmm. Scotty: I'd take anything at this point. Kevin chose this week to attend a legal convention. Luc: I'm sorry, man. Scotty: Yeah. He didn't even send flowers. Hell, even Olivia sent a card, and we haven't even adopted her yet. Luc: Kevin loves you. I promise. Scotty: Thank you. Justin: Oh, my G... I feel like I'm in a women's bathroom. What is it about this holiday that just drags estrogen out of dudes? Scotty: Oh, that is so sexist. Love is not restricted to estrogen. Luc: Thank you, Scotty. Tu es un amant. Tu comprendre. The littlest cassoulet? Scotty: Luc, I can't help you. I have a major food critic coming tonight, a husband out of town, and an uncle who's pimping out his friend for a good review. I can't help you. Okay. Edward: You know, I still get a little kick out of booking anonymously. Jonathan: I think you should retire Frank N. Beenz. People are gonna start getting suspicious. Saul: So, gentlemen, good evening. Jonathan: Hmm. Saul: Happy Valentine's Day. Welcome to Café 429. And, uh, so the reservation is under... Edward: Beenz, table for two. Saul: Ah, yes, Mr. Beenz. I have a lovely table for you. Please allow me. Follow me. Jonathan: I hear the food here is spectacular. Edward: Well, we have all night to savor it. I'll get it. Jonathan: Thank you, Edward. Ah. Edward: Voila. Jonathan: It's a bit dim back here, isn't it? Edward: I like dim. Saul: Do you like dim? Ah, well, in that case, allow me. How about that? Edward: Ah, even better. Jonathan: Yes, better... And darker. You're sure your other patrons won't object? Saul: Oh, not at all. After all, it's Valentine's Day. So may I offer the gentlemen a lovely glass of champagne, complimentary? Edward: Oh, I'd love one. I'd love one. But my friend here is sober. Boo. Hiss. Jonathan: Oh, true, true. But then... I don't need spirits to assure that I'll have a wonderful evening. Saul: Well, I certainly hope that you do. Jonathan: Oh, Edward. That is funny. Scotty: More. Saul: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So, Scotty, these are the entrées for Jonathan's table, right? Scotty: Yes. Saul: Okay, so we have sole bercy with chanterelle mushrooms... Scotty: In a shrimp velouté. Saul: In a shrimp velouté. That's great. Uh-oh. Shrimp? Scotty: Yes. Shrimp stock. Why? What's the matter? Saul: Well, Jonathan's mildly allergic to shrimp. Scotty: What? What does that mean, mildly? Saul: Mildly. It means that it's gonna be perfectly fine. It's shrimp stock. It's not the whole shrimp. Scotty: No, we can't serve him the sole, Saul. Saul: We have to serve him the sole, Scotty. He ordered it. If we don't serve it to him, then... then Lemonde will know that I know Jonathan well enough to know that he's allergic to shrimp, the whole plan will just... Scotty: Why did I let you talk me into this? Saul: Because a great review from Lemonde means that we'll be booked solid every night.That's why. Scotty: Well, what do you want me to do? Because I'm not serving shrimp to somebody who's allergic to... Saul: Fine, fine, fine. It's simple. I deliver the entrée, I describe the entrée, Jonathan hears "shrimp, " he says he's allergic to it, and then I bring him the other choice. Scotty: Great. Great. I'll start on the other entrées. Saul. Saul: What? Scotty: Does it seem like they're having a good time? Saul: Oh, it seems like they're having a perfectly wonderful time. Edward: It's an all-expense-paid trip to St. Barths just to review this resort's one restaurant. You really couldn't get away? Jonathan: Oh, Edward. I don't know. I... Actually, St. Barths is one of my favorite's of the Caribbean islands. Uh, twist my arm, and, uh, I may have to cancel my plans and join you. Edward: Wonderful. I'll look into the details. Saul: Excuse me, gentlemen. If I may interrupt your itinerary planning long enough just to present your dinners. Edward: Please do. Saul: So we have a fillet of sole bercy with chanterelle... Jonathan: You know, I do love St. Barths. Oh, sorry. Do go on. Saul: Yes, a fillet of sole bercy with chanterelle mushrooms in a... Lovely velouté. Jonathan: Ah. Saul: Enjoy. Edward: Thank you. Jonathan: Bon appétit. Edward: Thank you. Edward: We should go back to that bistro in Santa Barbara. Jonathan: Yes. Edward: Remember? Just you and me, balmy nights, the moon on the water. Jonathan: Speaking of water, I could use some. Waiter. May I have some water, please? Edward: Are you all right, Jonathan? You look a bit flushed. Jonathan: No, I'm... I'm... I'm fine. I'm fine. What did you say our entrée was? It was so delicious. Saul: The entrée... was it delicious? Oh, great. It was a fillet of sole bercy with, uh, chanterelle mushrooms and, uh... Jonathan: Mm. But what was in the sauce? Saul: The sauce? Jonathan:Yes. Saul: Fish. Jonathan: Oh. Edward: I believe I detected shrimp. Jonathan: Shrimp? Edward: Oh. I know my shrimp when I taste it. Am I right? Saul: Well, the... the... the... the velouté.. The velouté was of a... shrimpish nature. Jonathan: Oh. Edward: Do you have a problem with shrimp? Jonathan: No, no, no. I love shrimp. Oh, the sauce was so delicious, I practically licked my plate. Saul: Ah... Edward: Funny. I never noticed how... sexy your voice is. Saul: Well, I-I will certainly pay your compliments to the chef. Jonathan: Please do. Woman A: Table nine. Man A: Got it. Man B: It's 2 for table 14. Scotty: Hey, how's it going? Is everything all right? Saul: Oh, yes. I just have to get their desserts. Everything is gonna be fine. Scotty: It's gonna be fine? Why? What... what's going on? Saul: Jonathan is just feeling a little warm. That's all. Scotty: Warm? He looks like he's sweating. Saul: Ah, yes. This is gonna fix it. This'll be great. Scotty: You did tell him there was shrimp in the velouté right? Saul. Saul: Not in so many words. Scotty: In any words? Saul: No. Scotty: Oh, my God. Saul: Well, it's not such a big deal. He just said he felt a little warm. His throat is constricting, but on the plus side... They loved the sole. Scotty: This is a nightmare. Saul: He's gonna be fine. Wait till you see. The sugar in the cake is gonna counteract the shrimp. Scotty: Oh, is that true? Saul: I don't know. Scotty: What were you thinking? Saul: I wasn't thinking. They're out there having fun at my expense. Do you know they're planning on going on vacation? Scotty: I don't care. This was about a good review. You're both acting like teenagers. Saul: He started it! Scotty: And you're gonna end it by putting him into anaphylactic shock? Saul: I'm not gonna put him into any kind of shock. If he goes into shock, there's an epipen in the first aid kit, and I will apply it. You need to calm down. He's probably out there talking about the food right now. Scotty: Talking? Sure, if he can still talk. Saul: He's fine. They're fine. Scotty: They're gone. Thanks a lot. ♪ Hamburg Song ♪ by Keane ♪ Listen Saul: Jonathan. Jonathan: Is Scotty here? Saul: No. Yeah, he's upstairs. Kevin came back. He wasn't supposed to... Jonathan: Yes or no is all I need. Saul: Yeah, yeah, he's here. Jonathan: Tell him it's my fault that we left so abruptly. I had to get out or stay and make a scene. Saul: Are you okay? Jonathan: Yeah, I'm fine. Nothing a little antihistamine wouldn't fix. That's not the scene I'm talking about. Tell Scotty that Edward's coming back another night. Saul: Great, great. Jonathan: I, for one, will, uh, not be returning anytime soon. Saul: Jonathan, wait. Wait. Please. Come on. Please. It was so stupid and childish and thoughtless, this whole thing. I-I-I-I think that I literally lost my mind. Jonathan: Why? That's all I wanna know. Saul: Just listen to me, okay? You make me feel insecure. Can you understand that? Jonathan: I make you feel insecure? Saul: Yeah. Jonathan: I wasted almost years of my life drunk. Saul: Jonathan, listen to me. You make me feel insecure. I can't help it. That's the way it is, and then tonight, I see you with that loathsome man... Jonathan: I told you, he doesn't interest me. Saul: But I didn't believe you. And suddenly it feels like it's the '80s again... All those people who lined up waiting to spend some time with you, remember? Jonathan: You know, somehow I actually thought we had put our past behind us. Saul: I'm trying. You're trying. We're both trying to understand our lives. If we could live them over again, maybe we would... Jonathan: Try to make them differently, yes. Saul: Maybe. Jonathan: I behaved like a... Like an ass tonight, too. Saul: God, we could've been in high school tonight, right? Oh. Probably explains why this man that I slept with all those years ago who doesn't even remember that it happened, who probably gave me H.I.V., is the only man that I'm interested in now. Jonathan: Well... Hard as it is for you to believe... You're the one I'm most interested in, too. Saul: Oh, God. Well, why didn't you say something? Jonathan: I'm sorry, but... we all are afraid of taking the first step. Saul: Yeah. Which probably explains why I've never done this before. Wait. Where are you... Where are you going? Jonathan: I'm power walking to my car, and then I'm driving home. Care to join me? Saul: Oh, yeah. ♪ Been A Long Day ♪ by Rosi Golan ♪ Listen Kevin: Scotty, this is delicious. Scotty: I am so glad you came home. Kevin: I wasn't gonna miss Valentine's with you. Scotty: I love you. Mwah. Kevin: I love you. Scotty: What's wrong? Kevin: Is this the entre with the shrimp? Scotty: Oh, screw you. Kevin: I think I'm dying. Fine. Scotty: Go ahead. Kevin: I want you to have my Olivia Newton-John... Action figure. I'm sorry. I was just trying to... lighten things up about Saul. You know, people make mistakes, especially when it comes to love. Scotty: Oh, come on. Do you really think he's in love? Kevin: Yeah, in his own peculiar way. You should forgive him, Scotty. Scotty: Well, people have forgiven me in the past, so... Kevin: I'm glad I came home. Scotty: Me, too. Happy Valentine's Day. Kevin: Happy Valentine's Day.