Season 5 Episode 16

Home Is Where The Fort Is First Aired: 06/Mar/2011

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Justin: Hey, sorry we're late. My support group went over. Scotty: At ease. We don't open for another hour. Zach: I'm gonna go get my apron, then I'm all yours. Scotty: So you picked up Zach again from his meeting. That was nice. Justin: Yeah, well, the, uh, the bus takes twice as long, and I figured while I was here, I'll hang Olivia's shelves. Scotty: Oh, you don't have to do that. Kevin will be back any minute. Justin: Kevin? Scotty: Yeah. He's all handy now. I showed him how to use a glue gun. Justin: Right. Uh, where's the toolbox? Scotty: Underneath the sink. Justin: Great. Zach: All right. I'm officially on the clock. Where do you need me? Scotty: Uh, why don't you help Dennis with the salad Greens? Zach: You got it, boss. Scotty: Great. Justin: Hey. Thanks a lot, Scotty, for helping him out. I really appreciate it. Scotty: I wish all my employees had his work ethic. If you can chauffer him around, let him sleep on your couch, it's the least I can do. Justin: How do you think he's doing? Scotty: Good, I think. Yeah, I think it's good for him to have the routine, camaraderie. I think he misses it, you know, the marines? I think he's happy to have structure in his life again. Justin: Uh, where are the shelves? Scotty: Uh, upstairs, Olivia's room. Justin: Olivia's room. Got it. Scotty: Thank you. Scotty: How's that look? Olivia: "Olivia Carla Salazar, born July 11, 2001, was placed for adoption"... Kevin: Go on. That's right. Jill: Wow. You're making a lot of progress with your reading, Olivia. Olivia: They got me a tutor and they quiz me, like, every five seconds. Scotty: She's exaggerating. It's more like every ten seconds. Kevin: Yeah. Olivia: "Placed in the home of"... Hey, look. Scotty signed where it says "full name of male applicant," and Kevin signed where it says "full name of female applicant." Kevin: Good catch. Jill: Yeah, our placement forms haven't quite caught up with the times. Kevin: Mm. Olivia: "Kevin Herbert Walker"? That's your middle name? I'm gonna be calling you Herb from now on. Kevin: Are we done yet? Jill: Actually, I think you are. Yeah, all it takes now is a quick appearance before the judge, which is more of a celebration than anything else, but it's official. Olivia: No more weekends only? Jill: Nope. You are a family now. Kevin: Hee. Jill: So, Olivia, are you excited to start a new school on Monday and meet new friends? Olivia: Yeah, I guess it'll be fun. I just wish I could bring Zemulon. Jill: Oh, is this the famous gecko I've been hearing about? Scotty: Oh, yeah. Jill: It's nice to finally meet you, sir. Well, if you need anything, you know where to reach me. Other than that, I'd say, my work here is done. Olivia: Bye, Jill. Jill: Bye, sweetie. Scotty: Bye, Jill. Thank you. Jill: Mwah. Congratulations. Kevin: Thanks, Jill. Jill: Bye. Kevin: Bye. Olivia: What are you guys smiling about? Kevin: Because we thought you might like to record our new answering machine message. Olivia: Really? Kevin: Yes, really. Scotty: So just start talking... after the beep. Answering Machine: Record your greeting after the tone. Olivia: Hi, you've reached the home of Kevin and Scotty and Olivia and Zemulon. Kevin: Of course. Olivia: Please leave a message after the beep. Kevin: Perfect. Scotty: Perfect. Good work. Kevin: Hey, guys. Did you have fun shopping? What is that? Scotty: This is the sovereign kingdom of Zemulonia. Olivia: That's not what it's called. It's called Gecko Town. Scotty: Right, Gecko Town. Population... one extremely lucky gecko. Kevin: Wow. How long did that take to build? Scotty: All day. How was work? Kevin: Fine. I thought we were gonna go shopping for school supplies. Scotty: Well, we were, but we kind of got carried away with Gecko Town. Olivia: It's amazing, huh? Kevin: Yeah, but don't you want to be prepared for classes on Monday? Scotty: Scotty said we could go later. Look, Zemulon, it's a swimming pool. Scotty: We... we can go together tomorrow. Olivia: I have a great idea. Popsicles. Kevin: Um, before dinner? Olivia: No, we can use the wood part for a diving board. Scotty: Oh, how about an emery board? I've got some in the bathroom underneath the sink. Olivia: Emery board? Kevin: You use an emery board? Scotty: Your middle name is Herbert? Oh, better yet. There is a pink foot file. You can use that. Olivia: Perfect. Kevin: Did you even leave the apartment? Scotty: No, but I thought it was important for her to, you know, make herself feel at home. Kevin: Well, she's definitely doing that. Scotty: Kevin, relax. She is so happy right now. That's the most important thing. Let her make a footprint, okay? Kevin: A footprint's one thing, but look at this place. She's like sasquatch. Olivia: Got it. Kevin: So do I get a tour of Gecko Town? Olivia: Sorry. Zemulon's not accepting any visitors right now. Kevin: Aww. Kevin: And then how cool is this? An 8-piece multipurpose compass and geometry set. Even cooler... unicorn stickers. You want a few for Paige? Luc: If only stickers could solve my problem. Paige wouldn't even talk to me this morning. Kevin: At least she spent the night in her own bed. Olivia spent the night in her fort. Luc: A fort? Kevin: Yeah. We spent all this money fixing up her room, and she's just not interested in it. It's all about Gecko Town now. You want a coffee? Luc: Please. Kevin: So what are you gonna do about Paige? Luc: I don't know. I think I'm gonna call Sarah. Kevin: N-no, absolutely not. That's like admitting defeat. Look, if the women of this family leave town and we fall apart, game over. Luc: Ah, speak of the devil. Kevin: Bad news? Luc: "Just give her the money. I will explain when I get home." I can't believe this. She's just completely undermined my authority. Kevin: Well, don't lose your resolve. Look, Sarah is out of town. You're in charge now. Sarah: I gotta take this. Hey, babe. Is everything okay? Luc: No, no, no. It makes it very hard for me to be the parent if Paige knows she can just go around me.. Kevin: Tell her she's undermining your authority. Sarah: Oh, honey, I'm sorry. Luc: Yeah, you're undermining my authority, Sarah. Sarah: Look, things have been crazy here. It's Evan's birthday this afternoon, and mom thinks Kitty's joined the CIA. Luc: Your mom thinks Kitty is in the CIA. Kevin: Well, that's ridiculous. I can get a secret out of Kitty with a glass of chardonnay. Luc: Just tell me what it's for. Sarah: I can't. I... I'm not trying to undermine you. I promise you, I'm not. I... okay, listen. It's for a bra. Luc: A bra? Sarah: She's too embarrassed to tell you. So could you just please give her the money and don't say that I said anything? Luc: Okay. I-I'll call you later. Sarah: Love you. Kevin: It was for a bra? You see, you were just making mountains out of molehills. That... that came out wrong. Luc: She was too embarrassed to tell me. Kevin: Well, of course. I'm sure she wouldn't even say that to her real dad. That came out wrong as well. Kevin: It's bigger. Scotty: A little. Kevin: A little? Come on, Scotty. It's an architectural monstrosity. I'm surprised she hasn't had plumbing and electric installed. Is she... is she downstairs with the tutor? Scotty: Yes. Maybe she'll become a contractor when she grows up. Kevin: Really? That's your response? You're just gonna roll with it? Scotty: Okay, it has gotten a little out of hand, but we want her to feel at home, right? Kevin: Yes, feel at home, not build one. This thing is dangerous. If Zemulon's heat lamps scorch one of those sheets, we'd have a fire on our hands. Scotty: Okay. We'll be careful. Kevin: I think it's out of control. I mean, I know we want to be the cool parents, and she's having a good time, but something's going on. I think she's overcompensating. Scotty: What do you mean? Kevin: She has a new home, a new family. She's starting a new school on Monday, which you've conveniently let her ignore. Now she has a slew of Walkers about to descend on her. I think she's scared out of her mind. Scotty: Okay. What do you think we should do, tear it down? Kevin: No. I think we should talk to her. Whatever it is, she needs to tell us, but this fort isn't the answer. Scotty: Okay, when she's done with her tutor, we will talk to her. Agreed? Kevin: Agreed. Kevin: Knock. Knock. Olivia: What are you doing? Scotty: Wow. This is so much bigger than my first apartment. Kevin: Oh, wow. Yeah. Scotty: Yeah. Kevin: And if we move the TV over there, we'll have so much more room for the microwave. Scotty: Mm. Olivia: Microwave? Kevin: Yeah. Look, Olivia, the whole point of us adopting you was that we could all live together. Now if you want to live in here, that's cool. But Scotty and I are gonna join you. Olivia: There's not enough room. Scotty: Oh, there's enough room. Kevin: Yeah. Olivia: You guys really want to live in here with me? Scotty: Yeah. Kevin: If that's what you want. Olivia: Would I still have to go to school? Scotty: Yes, but we would be here when you got back. Kevin: Are you... Are you nervous about going to school? Olivia: A little. Kevin: Mm-hmm. I hated school. I used to put a thermometer up against the lightbulb so I could fake a fever and stay home all day. Scotty: Don't tell her how to do that. Kevin: The point is, it's okay to be scared. You can tell us that, because that's why we're here, to make you feel safe. Olivia: I'm kind of nervous about meeting your brothers and sisters, too. Scotty: I can totally relate. I was terrified. But now I'm one of the family. Kevin: And guess what. You're one of the family, too. Olivia: So do you guys want me to read you a story before we go to sleep? Kevin: Yes. What are we having? Olivia: "Good night, grasshopper." Scotty: Oh. Kevin: Oh. A classic. Olivia: "Once upon a time, in a big field near the city, a grasshopper family lived in their grasshopper house doing grasshopper things all the day long." Kevin: Remember being exhausted from just drinking all night? Scotty: Oh, and dancing. Remember dancing? Kevin: No, but I wasn't good at it anyway. Scotty: How long do you think we're gonna have to sleep in there? Kevin: The fort? I don't know, but I'll tell you one thing. I would not have done well in the civil war. Olivia: Good morning. How's it going? Kevin: Morning. Well, aren't you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed? Olivia: Why wouldn't I be? Kevin: Mm. Olivia: Scotty, can you help me iron my outfit for the party? Scotty: Sure. Olivia: Great. Kevin: W-wait a minute. Aren't you using the ironing board as one of the major support beams in Gecko Town? Olivia: It's okay. I took it down. Kevin & Scotty: The fort? Olivia: Yeah. Zemulon thought it was too crowded. Scotty: Well, how do you feel about that? Kevin: It's... it's fine. Let it go. Scotty: Right. Okay. I'll be up in a minute. Olivia: Thanks. Kevin: Yes. Scotty: It worked. Scotty: Good-bye, Gecko Town. ♪ Baby Tomorrow ♪ by Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors ♪ Listen Olivia: Wow. Lots of presents. Kevin: Right? Scotty: Well, you just wait until your birthday. Kevin: Yeah. Sarah: Are you ready for your first Walker party, Olivia? Luc: I remember my first Walker party. Sarah: Oh, my God. Luc: I drank a lot of wine. Kevin: Yeah, you did. Olivia: Does that mean I get to drink wine? Kevin: No. Scotty: Are you crazy? Kevin: Oh, let's show Olivia what we do with presents in this family. Sarah: Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. Kevin: Go. Sarah: Oh, okay. Paige: Ooh, robot. Kevin: Stuffed monkey. Sarah: Uh, socks. Very boring. Kevin: Uh, an Olivia? Uh-oh. I think I hear a birthday boy! Evan: Hi, Uncle noodles. Kevin: Hey, buddy. Hi. How you doing, buddy? Evan: Hi, Uncle noodles. Kevin: How are you? Nora: Uh, listen, I-I need someone to help me f-r-o-s-t these... Justin: Okay, I got it. I got it. I got this. Nora: Take it. Hey, Evan, let's go see that pinata I've heard so much about. Kevin: So you want to tell me what the hell's going on? You all right? Kitty: Yeah, yeah. We'll go for a walk later, and I'll tell you everything. Kevin: Okay. Come meet Olivia. Kitty: Oh. Oh, Olivia is just so adorable, Kevin. Sarah: I know. I just... I want to squeeze those cheeks. Kevin: Would you please leave my daughter's cheeks alone? Sarah & Kitty: Aw. Your daughter. Sarah: Aw. Don't worry, you're gonna have a kid one day. Kevin: I think we should start him slow, though, like a fish. Kitty: Oh, maybe a plant. Sarah: A plastic one. Justin: Nice. Paige: So, Olivia, I heard you're starting at my old school. Are you nervous? Olivia: Kinda. Paige: It's not that scary, but you... you have to get. Mrs. Earl for math. She looks pretty mean, but she's actually the nicest teacher in the whole school... Kevin: Look at them. Sarah: It's the next generation of Walkers. Justin: Yay! Sarah: Oh, the party's on. Nora: These are for later. We're gonna have fun now. Kitty: Let me see. Hey, baby. Nora: Give Evan a stick. Justin: Ready? All: Evan! Evan! Justin: All right, bud. All right, here we go. Ready? One, two... Three. Nora: Go get the stick and hit it. Quick! Pictures!