Season 2 Episode 14

Double Negative First Aired: 27/Apr/2008

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♪ Duppy Conqueror (Fort Knox Five Remix) ♪ by Bob Marley & The Wailers ♪ Listen Kevin: This is not what it looks like, okay? Justin gave me this because I'm going surfing with him and Tommy. Scotty: Oh, good. I was worried the oxycodone was making me hallucinate. Kevin: Oxycodone? Scotty: Battle with a very sharp paring knife. The paring knife won. I don't know what was more painful, the seven stitches or the hospital bill. Kevin: How bad? Scotty: A tetanus shot, $25. Stitches in the ER, 2,500. Absence of health insurance? Priceless. Kevin: You're walking around without health insurance? Scotty: I can't afford health insurance. I can't afford rent. Remember, that's why I moved in with you. Kevin: Okay, next time what if it's worse than a cut? You have to have health insurance, come on. Scotty: Kevin, please. No lectures, I'm very low on blood. Kevin: Okay. I'm sorry. You know, I'm concerned. Scotty: Well, I'll figure something out. I always do. Tommy: Hey, guys. Kevin: Hey. Justin: Hey. Nora: Tommy, how's Elizabeth? Tommy: She's.. she's fine. It's just a cold. But she's so cranky, Julia didn't want to inflict her on some poor babysitter. Nora: Darn it. Kevin: At least she doesn't have cancer. Nora: Kevin. Scotty: Forever the optimist. Sarah: Hey, Kitty. Kitty: Can we please stop talking about my reproductive system in public? And, you know, Tommy, you're really freaking me out. Kevin: Yeah, me, too. Tommy: You? Why you? Nora: Wonder what's keeping Saul? Sarah: Sucktacular. Scotty: I'm thinking of starting a charity of my own. Stitches for Bitches. I, I thought it was funny. Kevin: No. It was hilarious. Scotty: Ah.... Kevin: Look, I think I figured out a way to solve your problems. Scotty: Hmm. You're gonna teach me to devein shrimp with one hand? Kevin: Your insurance problems. Scotty: If it involves me not having to take a third job, I'm all for it. Kevin: Why don't we file for domestic partnership? Scotty: Excuse me? Kevin: It's so simple. All we have to do is fill out some forms, get them notarized, and that is that. We're then recognized as a couple by the state of California. And that entitles you to the insurance from my firm. That's medical, dental, vision, dependent life, accidental death and dismemberment... Scotty: Death and dismemberment? Yippee! Kevin: What's with the sarcasm? Scotty: Nothing. I said I was going to take care of it and I will, okay, Kevin? It's my problem. Not yours. Kevin: Okay, fine. Kevin: I thought I was doing a good thing. Scotty: You were doing a practical thing. Kevin: Well, what's wrong with that? Scotty: Kevin, for us, domestic partnership is it. You know, our only legal option, our version of marriage. For now at least. And at the risk of sounding like a 12-year-old girl, I want my wedding to be special. Practical isn't enough of a reason. So if and when I choose to take that step, I want to stand up in front of everyone I know and say, "This is the man I choose to be with." Until I'm old and bald and incontinent. Kevin: Come here. Scotty: It sounded far more romantic in my head. Kevin: It is romantic. But at the risk of sounding like a 30-something straight guy, I don't know if I'm ready for that or if I ever will be. Scotty: I'm not asking you to be. Kevin: Are you upset? Scotty: No. Kevin, we're boyfriends, not clones. We can agree to disagree. Kevin: Yeah, I know, but you know us lawyers, we hate to lose arguments. Scotty: Yeah, well, get used to it, because this is not an argument you're gonna win. Now I'm going to brush and floss because I don't have dental insurance either.