Season 2 Episode 11

The Missionary Imposition First Aired: 10/Feb/2008

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Scotty: Sorry, sir. We're closed. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. Kevin: What took you so long? Scotty: I don't just cook, Kevin. I also clean. God, I would make such a good husband, wouldn't I? Don't worry. I'm not fishing. Oh! Speaking of which, I was left alone on the line to finish a grilled turbot when we ran out of cider vinegar sauce, so I finished it with cubed-red peppers and cumin. Kevin: And is that bad? Scotty: Well, it wasn't what they ordered. I mean, I was sort of flying by the seat of my pants, but the server came in with compliments to the chef. Kevin: Wow! Bravo, poissonnier. Scotty: Merci. So, what's new to you? Kevin: Just depositions too boring to describe. And Jason called. Scotty: And Jason called? Kevin: Yeah. He's back in L.A. And he wants to meet for coffee. Tomorrow. Look, if you're at all uncomfortable with this, I can cancel. It's absolutely no problem. Scotty: No, no. It's fine. I mean, I knew he was going to call eventually. Kevin: Yeah. And, you know, he's Robert's brother. It's not like I'm not gonna run into him. Scotty: Yeah, and you guys had some weird phone breakup, so... Yeah, I mean, go see him. Resolve whatever you need to resolve. Kevin: Look, I'm absolutely resolved. Absolutely. So, I told him he could drop by. I hope that's not a problem. Scotty, if you have any issues about this, please say, because I can cancel. Scotty: I said it was fine, Kevin. Kevin: Okay. Scotty: Thank you for asking, but it's all good. Kevin: Good. Scotty: Anyway, I am beat. Let's go home. Kevin: Hi. Jason: Hi, Kev. Jason: The loft looks great. Kevin: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I like living here. Jason: Still have this, huh? Kevin: Yeah. Jason: Yeah. Kevin: Oh! Oh, the wedding! I forgot to tell you about the wedding. It was a total freak show. Kitty ran away from the altar. Jason: Yeah, I can't believe I missed it. Robert told me all about it. Kevin: He must be excited you're back? Jason: Yeah. Yeah, he's already made me promise to campaign for him. Kevin: You're gonna campaign? Jason: Kev, don't. He's my brother. Kevin: Well, yeah, Kitty's my sister, you don't see me drinking the Kool-Aid. Jason: Didn't we once agree never to talk about this? Kevin: Yeah. Yeah, we did. You're right. Jason: So, how's the work? Kevin: It's... Scotty: Hi. Kevin: Hi. What... Scotty: I got off work early. Hi. I'm Scotty. Jason: Of course. Good to meet you. Scotty: Good to meet you, too. Kevin: Uh, you know what? We're just in the middle of coffee, so maybe... Scotty: Oh, no, of course. Enjoy. I did bring home some soft-shell crabs, though. They're not lobsters, but... Jason, why don't you join us for dinner or late lunch or whatever it is? Jason: Uh... Scotty: No, no, no. I insist. Kevin, tell him how well I do soft-shell crab. Kevin: You know what? I don't think tonight's... Jason: I'd love to. Scotty: Great. Well, I'll get started in the kitchen and leave you two alone. ♪ Listening To Levon ♪ by Marc Cohn ♪ Listen Scotty: So, Jason, where exactly were you in Malaysia? Were you... Were you in the middle of the jungle? Jason: Well, I was just outside of Kota Kinabalu. Scotty: Kota... Jason & Kevin: Kinabalu. Jason: Yeah, it was... It was very jungley. Scotty: Wow! It must've been hard being so far away from your home? Jason: It was isolating, yeah. Kevin: I thought you were so engrossed in your work, you wouldn't have time for thoughts like that. Jason: I was hoping it would be that way, but, you know, truth is I just wanted to come home. Scotty: Oh, I felt like that every single time I went to summer camp. I think I called home twice a day. Jason: Calling home wasn't really an option for me. Kevin: Why not? No cell phone coverage? Jason: I was having a crisis of faith, actually. Kevin: Really? I didn't know that. Oh, but then you didn't tell me. Jason: Oh, I'm sorry. I was spending my time talking to God. Kevin: At least you were talking to someone. Scotty: And you don't need a cell phone to talk to God, right? I'm going to go to the kitchen. Can I get anybody anything? Kevin: Why don't you just drop the hostess act? Scotty: Okay. You guys have things to resolve, it's obvious. Kevin: So why bring home crustaceans? Jason: Well, I'd love to know what you think we have to resolve. Kevin: I have nothing to resolve. Scotty: He keeps saying that. Kevin: No, no. It's quite simple. Honestly. We were together, he went to Malaysia, I never heard from him again. End of story. Jason: Oh, really? Okay, what about the part where you promise to wait for me and then broke up with me on the phone? Kevin: I'm surprised you picked up the phone. Jason: You want to know why I didn't call? Kevin: Why? Jason: I thought it would make it worse. Kevin: Worse? Jason: I missed you too much, okay? I thought if I could just focus on where I was and what I was trying to do... Kevin: You know what that is? That's the worst excuse I've ever heard. You made me feel like we were through. Over. Like I was some materialistic guy you had no time for. Scotty: And you guys have nothing to resolve, right? Kevin: Stay out of this for one minute. Scotty: No. Scotty: Why don't you just ask him why he came home? I'm sure you want to know. Jason: Oh, it wasn't for him, if that's what you're thinking. He dumped me, that's when I found my spiritual strength. Finally. Kevin: So God won after all. Jason: Yes, Kevin. In a contest between you and God, God won. Kevin: Great. So everything worked out for the best? Jason: Yeah. Perfect. Scotty: Well, I'm really glad we had that talk. Scotty: Okay, if you're not going to talk about what happened tonight, I'm going to go out. Kevin: Nothing to talk about. You ambushed my tea party. Scotty: I got out of work early. Kevin: No, no. You made sure you got out of work early. Scotty: Okay, fine. Well, actually, now I know what's going on. Kevin: Well, I'm glad you do, because I don't. Scotty: Exactly. You don't know. You don't know how you feel about me, about him, about anything. If you did, you might have to choose, really choose, instead of... Instead of pretending. Kevin: Is that what we're doing? Pretending? Scotty: You tell me. Because I don't feel like I live here. I stay here because you let me. Do you realize there's nothing in this apartment that's mine except clothes? Kevin: What do you want me to do, Scotty? Scotty: Be honest with me. If you're still in love with Jason McCallister... Kevin: No, I am not in love with Jason McCallister! Why do you have to be so jealous? Scotty: Because if you could see the two of you together... Kevin: lf you don't trust me, leave! Scotty: Fine. Kevin: Oh, God. Where are you going? Scotty: I'm leaving! Kevin: Isn't that what you want? Scotty: Yeah, it is. Have a great night! ♪ Bad Bad You, Bad Bad Me ♪ by Stephen Fretwell ♪ Listen Scotty: Go away, busy. Kevin: Would you please open the door? Scotty: No. Kevin: Scotty, open the door! Wow, I love what you've done with the place. Scotty: Yeah, well, at least it's mine. Kevin: I'm sorry. Scotty: No, I shouldn't have barged in on your tea party. Kevin: Yeah, enough with the shellfish now. But you know, when you walked in, I was secretly so proud. Scotty: Of what? Kevin: Of you. Of how genuine you are and how crazy and honest and... Scotty: Jealous. Kevin: So how do I make this better? Scotty: I don't want you to see him anymore. Kevin: Even if I did, it wouldn't mean anything. Scotty: I know. You're going to run into him at family stuff. Kevin: Yeah. Scotty: I just don't want you making plans with him. Kevin: Okay. Promise. Scotty: Really? Kevin: I don't think you get how much I want us to be together. Scotty: God, now I feel like an idiot for asking. Kevin: Why? It only makes me want you even more. You know what? I actually do have to go to work, and I don't want to get caught getting busy in a 1970s Ranchero, as beautiful as it is. Scotty: Okay. I'll see you when you get home? Kevin: Okay.