Season 5 Episode 2

Brief Encounter First Aired: 03/Oct/2010

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Sarah: Hi, Kevin. Kevin: Hi. Listen, I need a huge favor. I have to put two more names on the list for Luc's launch party tonight. Sarah: No, sorry. Can't do. You're the sixth person to call this morning. Kevin: Yeah, but you can pull some strings, right? sarah: I have pulled all my strings trying to get you and Scotty and the rest of the family into the party already. Kevin: Okay, you know what? This is an emergency. I ran into this guy, Chazz, from my old law firm this morning when I was getting coffee... Luc: Hey, uh, the agency sent these for tonight. Which one do you like the most? Sarah: The brown one. Paige: Ew. Mom, no way. It's like the color of baby poop. Sarah: Excuse me? Paige: Sorry, but it is. Luc: What about this one? Paige: Definitely that one. Kevin: You could just see the pity oozing out of him. Sarah: When did you, um, become this person? I feel like your body has been invaded by zombies who left you all these opinions... . Kevin: Superior, like, you know, "I really admire you for throwing away your career to help people." The whole time, he's twirling his Bentley key Sarah: Hey, know what? I got another call. Kevin: No, wait. Sarah: Bye, hon. Hi, Kevin. Sorry. Kevin: Yeah, so this twit, Chazz, he has the paper open in front of him, and guess whose full-page ads right there. So I... Sarah: Kevin, are you still harassing me for tickets? Kevin: Well, yeah. It's just two. Please, please don't make me call Chazz back and tell him couldn't get him in. I... I mean, could you just ask Luc? Sarah: The answer is no. Paige: Oh, my God. Sarah: What? Who is it? Paige: It's Andrew Simms. I'm totally in love with him. No. Okay, uh... Hello. Hi. Yeah. Uh, can you hold on a second? Luc, is there any way you could please get me another ticket? Sarah: No! No. Luc: Yeah, I could try. Sarah: No, no, no. Paige: Mom, you don't understand. Sarah: Listen to me. You just tell him that you're very sorry, but that you can't, okay? Paige: Uh, Andrew, can you just hold on a second? Luc: Hey, hi. How are you? Paige: I'm getting another call. Monique, Andrew Simms just asked me out, and my mom's being totally unreasonable. Luc: I'm so sorry, Scotty. You know... Sarah: What? Are you kidding me? Kevin, I cannot believe that you would stoop so low and put Scotty up to this when I clearly said "no." Kevin: I don't know what you're talking about, 'cause Scotty's not even here. Luc: I think all the invitations are already gone. Kevin: Please, please. It's just two more people. Sarah: Uh, hi, Scotty. You know I love you and everything, but could you pass on a message to Kevin for me. That the answer is no? Thank you. Paige: She's ruining my life. Sarah: Okay. Paige: Aww Sarah: Bye, Monique. Bye, Andrew. Bye, Ashley. That goes for you, too, Kevin. Good-bye. Kevin: I... Ugh... Nora: Saul? Scotty? I... I brought the soup. Anybody here? Hello? Aah! Aah! Mateo: Aah! Ah! Scotty: Mateo, I don't understand how you could do this. Kevin got you out of juvenile hall. We took you in for a night when you needed a place to... Kevin: He was clearly casing the joint so he could come back and rip us off. Nora: Kevin, for God sakes. You sound like you're on "Dragnet." He's a kid. Kevin: Mom, he broke a window, came in here. He's about to pry open the cash register. That's burglary. It's a felony. Mateo: No, it's not. Kevin: Excuse me? Mateo: I didn't get any money, and it's a business, not a residence, so it's a misdemeanor. Kevin: Ha! You're wrong. We live upstairs. Mateo: A good lawyer could work around that. Kevin: Yeah, you had a good lawyer. I can't be your lawyer anymore. Now I'm your victim. And you're wrong about getting any money. Intent is intent. So don't think you're so smart. Mateo: Give me a break, man. I'm only 14. Nora: Kevin... g... get... Kevin: What? Nora: I just... just... Clearly this is a very smart kid. Did you know his mother died when he was 7? Kevin: I know the whole history, okay? So you can put your violin and your little bleeding heart back in your NPR tote bag, 'cause that's not gonna help him. Nora: Did you also know he has a grandmother? Kevin: Yes. Nora: And his father moved him around so much, he lost track of her, or she of him? Do you know he's never had a maternal figure in his life? And you wonder why he's so troubled? Kevin: Okay, that's what's happening. You're clearly having some maternal instinct eruption, so I'm gonna have to ask you to step away from the kid, get back in your car and drive home. Nora: I found him, so I will be responsible for him. I will talk to his father and... Mateo: No, that's okay. You don't have to go to any trouble. Kevin: See, even the perp thinks it's a bad idea. There are agencies for this kind of stuff, mom, okay? If not the police, then the social services. Mateo: No, please, please! Don't do that. I'll do whatever she says. Nora: Well, fine. Then, Mateo, you and I are gonna drive to your house. I'm gonna tell your father about your behavior, and then we'll decide what to do. Kevin: N... Nora: End of discussion. Scotty: Okay, Nora, I can't let you do that by yourself, so I'll go with you. Kevin: Scotty! Scotty: I know your mother well enough, and we're not gonna get her to change her mind, so... Nora: Mateo, up, walk. Kevin: Ugh, okay, everyone, wait. Give me the car keys. I'll drive. Mateo: He's not here. See? Nora: Ah. Well, then I would like to leave a note for your father. Mateo: A note? Nora: Yes, with my contact information, and that we're concerned about your behavior, and that we'd like to help. Kevin: Who's gonna deliver the note, him? Nora: Then I'll follow up with a phone call. Mateo: We don't have a phone. Nora: Well, I guess I'll have to come back then, won't I? Oh, darn it. I didn't bring my note p... Could I borrow a piece of paper? Mateo: We don't have any. Nora: Oh, come on. You're not gonna get out of this. Mateo: Uh, maybe my dad might have some in his room. I'll go check. Nora: Oh, God. Kevin, we can't leave him here. Kevin: Wh... don't be so judgmental. I mean, it's messy, but it's perfectly adequate. Not everyone has to live in a mansion in Pasadena. Nora: Maybe if you had not grown up in that mansion in Pasadena, with all of its advantages and opportun... Scotty: He's gone. Nora: What? Scotty: He went out the window. Nora: Oh, my God. Kevin, what are we gonna do?

Kitty: Hmm. Everything okay? Nora: Fine. Oh, I just remembered. I have to pick up my dress for the party tonight. It's at the dry cleaners. Kitty: Oh, you know mom, you've had a very emotional morning. Why don't you just let me go? Why don't you sit down and put your feet up, and I'll... I'll go to the cleaners? Nora: No. They know me. No, I... it's fine. It's fine. They know me. It'll be just fine. Kitty: All right, Evan. Come on. We're gonna go find out what grandma is doing that she doesn't want us to know that she's doing. Kitty: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Kevin. Kevin, you're... you're... You're never gonna believe this. You have to call me right back. I think mom's a lesbian. ♪ Hot Hot Love ♪ by Madison ♪ Listen Kevin: Not mom. It is not possible. Kitty: Trust me, Kevin, if you had seen what I saw, there is no question. Kevin: Anybody else... Sarah, even you... not mom. Kitty: What do you mean, even me? Kevin: Can we talk about something else? I would really like to enjoy this evening. Scotty: Well, Kevin, you know, it's not unusual for women to have lesbian conversions late in life. Kevin: Says who? Scotty: A... Kitty: It's true, Kevin. Kevin: No, it's not, Kitty. 63-year-old widows don't suddenly try out for the other team. Scotty: Okay, give me your smart phone, Mr. Smarty-pants. Kevin: Fine. Kitty: I can't believe you of all people would be so closed-minded. Kevin: What are you gonna do? Scotty: I am googling "senior citizen lesbians" to show you all the psychological evidence. Kevin: Ugh. Scotty: Ah. Millions of references. Kevin: Doesn't mean anything. Scotty: Oh, no. No, I don't want that. Kevin: What's wrong? Scotty: I accidentally opened a photo. How do you close this window? Kitty: Wait, wait, wait, w... oh! Scotty: Yeah, they're... Kitty: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What did you do? Scotty: They're all porn sites. Kevin: Ugh! You downloaded senior citizen lesbian porn on to my phone? Scotty: I didn't mean to. Kevin: Great. Kitty: You hit "slideshow." Scotty: Well, make it stop. Justin: Hey, guys. This is a fun party, huh? Uh... oh. What the hell is that?! Kevin: Scotty trying to convince me that mom is a lesbian. Justin: What? Uncle Saul's not enough for you? Now you want mom? Kitty: Okay, there. I stopped it. Scotty: Thank God. Justin, I'm sorry. That was a horrible accident. Kitty: Oh, my God. Kevin: What? Kitty: Why are the police calling you? Scotty: Oh, maybe your phone is tapped. Kevin: Scotty, it's not illegal to look at grandmas doing it. Justin: Are you sure? Kevin: Positive. Kitty: Well, then why aren't you answering it? Kevin: Kevin Walker. Yeah. Oh, that's just perfect. ♪ Stupid Grin ♪ by Dragonette ♪ Listen Kevin: Mateo told the police I was his lawyer. Nora: Well, are you gonna bail him out of jail? Kevin: No, I'm gonna let him cool his heels for a couple of hours, 'cause he might learn a lesson. Nora: Kevin, you can't... Kevin: Mom, I don't want to talk about him. If it wasn't for you, he might not have jumped out of a window and been picked up for vagrancy in the first place, so let's drop it and enjoy what's left of this party. Nora: Kevin... Kevin: Don't start. Justin: What? Kitty, don't. She's got to. Kitty: So hi. Hi, mom. I, uh, I thought maybe, uh... you would bring a date tonight. Nora: Oh, don't be ridiculous. I'm not interested in men whatsoever right now. Sarah: Yeah. Mom, listen, um... we all know your secret. Yeah. Kitty told us. Nora: How did you find out? Kitty: I... I followed you. Nora: You followed me? Kitty: Well, you know, that doesn't matter. That is not the point. The point is, is that you didn't feel comfortable enough to tell us. Sarah: Yeah. Nora: I can't believe you followed me. Sarah: Mom, what's important is... We are all okay with it. Kitty: Yeah, yeah. Justin: I am not okay with it. I'm just sayin'... Kevin: Me either. Justin: I'm not okay with it. Nora: Now that... that... that is exactly why I didn't tell you. I knew you would be critical and... Sarah: No. Nora: Try to talk me out of it, but it's too bad. You know what? I happen to be really enjoying myself. Sarah: Great. Justin: Ugh. I didn't need to hear that. Ugh. Nora: There's nothing unusual about a woman my age who wants to try something new. Kitty: Right. Scotty: Told you. Nora: All right, the truth is, things have been a little tight lately. I needed the money. Sarah: What? Kitty: W... w... wait a minute. You're going out with this woman for her money? Nora: What woman? Sarah: Your girlfriend. Kitty: Yeah. I saw you together. I... I saw you... hugging her and... and giving her flowers and... Nora: Oh, my God. You think I'm gay? Kitty: Yeah. Well, aren't you? Nora: No! I'm not a lesbian. I'm a florist. Sarah, Kitty: What? Justin: Oh, thank God. Nora: I... I got a job. I'm... I work at Zoe's flowers in old town. Kevin: I told you. Kitty: Oh. Paige: Mom. Sarah: Paige, are you okay, honey? Paige: Can we go home now? Sarah: Oh, my G... Paige, have you been drinking? Paige: I don't feel so good. Kitty: That is not what I'm saying. Kevin: Uh, we, uh, called the jail. Mateo's gonna be fine. Scotty: Yeah, in your opinion. Kevin: Look, he's perfectly safe. I will pick him up in the morning, okay? Scotty: In the morning? Kevin: Can we just leave it... Scotty: Kevin, come on. Kevin: Yeah, you know what? There are consequences for his actions. Scotty: Oh, he's 14. "Consequences" Kevin: I hope he learns something. Jumping out a window... Nora: Stop! Stop! Stop! I have had it with each and every one of you. Kevin, who are you? When did you become so cynical and hard-hearted that you would leave that boy in jail when any fool would know that he didn't break into the restaurant for the money? He's all alone in the world. He doesn't have anyone to take care of him. He broke into the restaurant hoping that you would find him and help him. And, Justin... Justin, if you want to save your marriage, you have to start acting like a husband. A good husband takes care of his wife's family even when she can't. Kitty: Mom. Y... you might want to just take it down a notch. Nora: No. Kitty, no. Living in limbo and trying to avoid the future is not gonna help you one little bit. And neither is inventing a fictional life for your mother. You need to take the first painful steps of your new life. They don't need to be big or profound. It just needs to be something, honey. Sarah: That was really beautiful mom. She's right, Kitty. She... 'cause she kinda nailed you. What? You're not gonna skip over me? Nora: No, Sarah. I'm not gonna skip you. What on earth were you thinking, bringing Paige to this party? She doesn't need you to be her friend. She needs you to be her mother. Tell her to unlock the damn door, go in there, clean her up, and take her home. Why are you all standing around? You've got things to do. Go! Go. Go, go, go. Sarah: Paige, you open this door, or you're grounded for a year. Kevin: Why did you call me? Mateo: You're my lawyer. Kevin: Okay, the police picked you up because you were asleep in an alleyway. There was no charge. You don't need a lawyer. Mateo: I figured maybe you could use the extra money. Kevin: Yeah, I'm getting rich doing pro bono work for the likes of you. Why didn't you call your father? I know he has a cell phone. Are you scared of your dad? Mateo: Only when he's around. Kevin: Mateo, if you want me to help you, all you have to do is ask. Mateo. Mateo: Give me a minute, okay? You're not exactly the easiest person to ask. Kevin: Really? Mateo: You're kind of cranky. Kevin: Yeah, I've heard that before. Sorry. Mateo: I don't have a place to go, and I'm scared of my dad. I need your help. Kevin: Okay. I'll do everything I can. I promise. But you have to trust me. And I have to be able to trust you. So no more jumping out of windows. Mateo: Okay. Kevin: Okay. Mateo: Can we go now? Kevin: Yeah. Just... one more thing. Um... I'm sorry I was late getting here tonight. I got a little lost on the way. ♪ The Future ♪ by Simon Lynge ♪ Listen Scotty: Are you excited to see your grandmother? Mateo: I hope I recognize her. I haven't seen her since my mom died. Kevin: Well, you shoulda heard her on the phone when I told her we were driving you up here. She was so happy, 'cause she thought she'd lost you. Scotty: Well, this is a nice street, don't you think? Kevin: Yeah. Mateo: It's a lot nicer than that group home. Scotty: Yeah. Kevin: I'm so proud of you for sticking it out at that place and for trusting me to find your grandma. Mateo: Thanks for... you know. Kevin: What, not being cranky? You're welcome. Scotty: Uh, well, you should probably head on up. It's time. Mateo: Won't you guys go up with me, please? Kevin: Uh, later. You go ahead. Mateo: Abuela. Abuela: Mateo. Mateo..... Kevin: This is much better than any underwear party.