Season 3 Episode 14

Owning It First Aired: 08/Feb/2009

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Kevin: You have to go. Kitty's having a baby, Saul. This is major. Saul: Great, and I'm happy for her. I also happen to be annoyed and in... insulted. Kevin: Why would you be insulted? Saul: Well, first of all, I find this whole evite thing profoundly annoying. Whatever happened to proper triple-embossed paper with a nice response card and that sweet little tissue over it? Scotty: So you would've gone if they'd sent you a proper paper invitation? Saul: No. No, I don't understand why the three of us would be more interested in going to a shower than Tommy or Justin or even Robert, who is the child's father. Kevin: Because we're gay, Saul. We're supposed to like these kinds of things. Saul: Oh, come on, kevin that's reductive. I didn't come out of the closet to become a cliché? Really. And I, I wouldn't go to a gay pride parade, either, and wear those leather things that they wear. Kevin: Chaps? This is a baby shower, Saul. Scotty: You know, maybe, Kevin, it's a generational thing. Kevin: Well, what's the point of being gay if you're gonna act like this? Scotty: There's no one way to be gay. Kevin: Well, he's managed to pick the most dull, joyless version I've ever seen. What would your plus-one say about this? Saul: My what? Kevin: Your boyfriend. Saul: Well, I'm sure he'd feel exactly the same way. Kevin: He doesn't even know he's invited, does he? Ah, that's what this is all about. You're afraid to let him meet us, aren't you? Saul: Well, can you blame me for not wanting to throw him to the lions? Kevin: We don't even know his name. Saul: Henry. Kevin: Oh. Saul: Henry. His name is Henry. Scotty, the lamb was delicious. Scotty: Oh, you're welcome. Kevin: Whe are you going? Saul: I am not gonna stand here and be interrogated by "The View." Kevin: Well, I'm asking about your boyfriend. It's called showing an interest. Saul: Why don't you please just let me do it my way? Kevin: But that's not who you are, Saul. You haven't missed a family event your whole life. Saul: Have a nice day. Kevin: Ah, tell Henry we said Hello. Kevin: Hi! Sarah: You're late. Kevin: What's wrong with you? Sarah: I'm just starting to feel that everybody's got more important things to do than focus on the shower. Kitty's just been offered a huge job, and mom... I'm not even gonna pretend that I'm not gonna tell you... is sleeping with Roger. Kevin: The architect? Sarah: The married architect. Kevin: I'm... I'm sorry. The world just shifted on its axis. My head just exploded. Sarah: Mom, too. She just found out. She's reeling. Kevin: Wow. Sarah: So you gays better be there, focused and ready for fun. Kevin: Yeah, I don't know how to tell you this. Saul's not coming. Sarah: What? Kevin: He doesn't want to be marginalized. Sarah: What are you talking about? Kevin: It's a long story. Sarah: I don't wanna hear it. Kevin: Okay. Sarah: What are you getting for Kitty? Kevin: The bumper jumper? The jumper bumper? Sarah: Oh, no, you gotta get the bounce bounce baby. It is much more versatile. Keeps 'em entertained for hours. Kevin: Shower nazi. Kevin: I can't believe you're sleeping with a married man. Sarah: Kevin! Kevin: Oo.. What? Nora: You told him? Oh, what do I care? Can you believe he wants me to be in an open relationship? Kevin: Oo... what? Nora: Oh, God. You didn't know that part, did you? Kevin: Wow, this just gets better and better. Sarah: Thanks, kevin. We were just winding down. Kevin: Okay well, if you want my opinion, I think it's great you're even considering having an open relationship. Julia: Hi. Nora: Did you just hear that? Julia: Yes. Nora: All right, that's it. That's it. That's it. There will be no more talking about Roger. For the next three hours, it's just baby, baby, baby. Sarah: That's right. You can do it, mom. Nora: Of course. This is a shower. Sarah: Yes. Nora: This is what I do. Kevin: Right. Nora: Where the hell is Kitty? Damn it. I give her a time to be here... Paige: Aunt Kitty, I made this video for you and uncle Robert to celebrate your baby. I hope you like it. Kitty: Aww, Paige. Thank you. Paige: Ready? Kitty: Yeah! Sarah: Oh, come here, honey. You're so clever. Paige's video: "dear cousin, welcome to the story of the walker family.": Kitty: Paige, how did you do this? Paige's video: "First there was grandpa, who met grandma..." Kitty: This is great. Paige's video: "And they fell in love and got married. Together, they planted the walker family..." Saul: Hi. Sorry I'm late. All: Shhhhh. Sarah: We're watching Paige's video. Kevin: Uh, you know what, Paige? Let's, let's go from the beginning. Sarul: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. But... everybody, this is Henry. Henry, this is everybody. All: Hey, hi. Henry. Henry: Hi. Kitty: Come on, come on in. Kitty: Ah... Woo. A fruit? Nora: What kind of fruit, Kitty? That the game. Kitty: You know what, mom? Actually, I think that this one might have gone off. Nora: That's what baby food smells like. Next. Kitty: Mom, maybe we... Nora: Sniff it, Sarah. Sniff it. It's fun. Sniff it. Kitty: No, no, I think everybody's getting tired of the games. Nora: Oh, come on, guys. This is what you do at baby showers. Sarah: Okay. Peach? Nora: No. Apricot. How could you not know that? You're a mother. Sarah: Mom, you just blew it. Henry was next. Henry: No, no, it's all right. I'm allergic to apricots anyway. Nora: I'm sorry, Henry. I get so excited at showers. Rebecca: You know what? Maybe we should just open the presents. I'm up. Kitty: You know, I, I do... I think it's a great idea. Sarah: Yeah, good idea. I agree. Nora: Okay, fine. No one won. So... on to the gifts. Okay, Rebecca you take care of the trash. I need someone to record all the presents. Henry: I'll do that. Saul: You can't do that. You don't even know who anybody is. Henry: What better way to learn? Sarul: Oh. He trying too hard, isn't he? Scotty: Oh, relax. He's doing fine. Saul: Really? Scotty: Not at all. Nora: Okay, Kitty, you sit here. Kitty: No, I'm... I'm okay. Nora: You're the guest of honor. This is... this is where you're supposed to sit. Kitty: Okay, fine. Fine. I'm... fine. Okay, I will. No problem at all. Here I am. Here I am. Nora: I'll get the gifts. Okay. Kevin: Henry, it's so nice to meet you at last. Henry: You, too, Kevin. Sauly's told me so much about you. Kevin: Sauly? Scotty: How did you two meet? Henry: At the symphony. Saul: Right. Nora: Whose gift is this? Henry: We'd both just finished reading the same book. Saul: Right. Nora: Whose present is this? Saul: I was holding the book. It was open, so he saw it. Henry: Pretentious book. Saul: It was a brilliant book. Sarah: What? What was it? Nora: Whose gift is this? Come on, people. Listen up. Scotty: Oh, that's my gift. Sarah: Mom, just tone it down a notch. Nora: Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. So start opening. We have a lot to get through. Kitty: Wow, Kev. I mean, it's... it's so colorful. Kevin: Sarah made me buy it. Sarah: Babies live for this because... look, it's so safe and very musical. See? Kitty: Right. It's... it's very cool. It's very cool. I love it. Nora: Now for the pièce de réistance. Kitty: Um... Wow. I mean, I.. I don't even know what to say. I mean, you guys have been so incredibly generous. And I... I guess I'm gonna have to build a new room in my house to fit all this stuff. I mean, come on, right? Who knew? Who knew that just a little baby was gonna need all this stuff? Sarah: Welcome to motherhood. Kitty: Right. Right. Well, I guess I did know. I mean, I did gister. But seeing it all here, it just seems like a lot. Nora: Okay. Okay, here we go. Sit right there. I'm just gonna do this. Here it is. Da da. Julia: Oh, my god. You got that one? Nora: It's the most expensive stroller on the market. Kitty: I didn't really need the most expensive stroller on the market. Sarah: Yes, you do. It is so light. . . Nora: It's so light. Sarah: It collapses very easily, and you can turn baby to face you. Nora: So come here. I'll show you how to fold it. Kitty: Not now. Not in front of everybody. No, I'm not... I'm not very good at gadgets. Nora: It's not a gadget, honey. It's a stroller. Come here, come here. Sarah: Mom, there's a pedal there... put your foot on this pedal, the left pedal. Nora: Here, put one hand here on that little button, and one hand on this little button. We don't need to do the pedals on this one. Just lift up. Sarah: Pull the buttons toward you. Kitty: Ouch, ouch. Nora: Just pull up. Pull up. Pull up. Try again. Try again. Kitty: No, no, I can't. Sarah: Do it. Do it. Kitty: I can't do it. Nora: You can do it. Sarah: Maybe Kitty might like to watch the instructional DVD video. Scotty: Sarah, I don't wanna have to watch an instructional video to learn how to work a stroller. I told you that I didn't want an expensive stroller anyway. And also told you that I didn't want the games. All right? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm, uh, excuse me. Kevin: Did my present freak her out? Nora: No. I freaked her out. Julia: Well, you've had a lot on your mind. Kevin: Yeah, no kidding. Nora: Kevin, you know what? Not now. Saul: It's okay. Nora, Kevin told us what's going on, so it's fine. Nora: And what would that be, Saul? What was Kevin referring to? The fact that I find myself involved in an open relationship with Roger or the fact that I was in there yelling at Kitty and saying she was barely aware she's having a baby? Saul: You did that? Nora: Yes, it's what I did. I just get so sick of everybody telling me I'm too traditional. My showers are too traditional, the choices in men are too traditional. Saul: Why do you care what people say? You've never had trouble standing up for what you believe before? Nora: Because I like him, and I don't want to stop seeing him. Kevin: Well, then don't. Nora: But then I'm doing something I don't believe in. Henry: Uh, may I, uh, say something? Nora: Oh, God. Henry. This is not how I wanted to meet you. Henry: Whell I was gonna say, I once heard of a couples' study. Uh, half the couples were in a monogamous relationship. The other half were in, uh, open ones. At the end, they ask everybody, "Are you happy?" The result was exactly the same for both groups. Nora: What's your point? Henry: You can be happy in, uh, any kind of relationship. Kitty: Mom. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Nora: No, no, I'm sorry. Kitty: No, I'm so sorry. You gave me wonderful shower. . . Nora: Kitty, you're going to be a wonderful mother. Kitty: And I really do appreciate all your hard work. Nora: I'm gonna take that stroller back. You hate that stroller. It's the wrong color. Kitty: No, no, no, no. I love the stroller. I was being stupid. I... I... I'm sorry. Nora: I'm so sorry. Kitty: No, I'm so sorry. Nora: I'm sorry. Kitty: I'm sorry. Sarah: Awww. Okay, well, uh, let's have cake. Where's Paige? Kevin: Oh, she's, uh, she's watching the video again with Scotty. Kitty: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Before we have cake, there's actually, uh, one more present. Kevin: Oh, god. Kitty: It's something for mom. Kevin: Okay. Kitty: It's... Robert and I, um, spoke with Trish, and she said that it would be okay if we were in the delivery room for the birth. And we asked her if it would be okay if you were there, too. Nora: Oh, Kitty. Kitty: And she said that it would be fine. So, um, we... we really want you to be there, and I can't imagine anything that would mean more to me. So, um... Would you? Nora: Of course. Of course I'll be there. Of course I'll be there. Kitty: Thank you. ♪ Running To Stand Still ♪ by U2 ♪ Listen Nora: Hello. Hello. Who is this? Ryan: Mrs. Walker? Nora Walker. Nora: Speaking. Ryan: This is Ryan. Ryan Lafferty. Nora: Oh... Ryan: I'm the one who keeps hanging up. I'm sorry. I just... I didn't know what to say exactly. Scotty: It's okay. Scotty: I was wondering if we could talk.