Season 3 Episode 21

S3X First Aired: 19/Apr/2009

<< S3E20 S3E22 >>

Sarah: What was wrong with the pantsuit? Kevin: It was gray and boring. Sarah: No, it was practical, Kevin. Kevin: Oh, come on. I could put a tie on that thing and wear it. Sarah: It was recession appropriate. Kevin: Ugh. Oh, my god. Sarah: Oh, come on. You, you can't be serious. It's a little loud, don't you think? Kevin: That is gorgeous. Sarah: It's pink. It is hot pink. Kevin: That's fuchsia. Sarah: Whatever it is, it's practically on fire. Kevin: Yeah, you would be, too, if you put it on. Sarah: You're very sweet to think that I can pull that off. However, I'm going back to work at my family's company, not at a brothel. Kevin: Oh, come on. Look, it's spring. You said you wanted to meet a man. Sarah: God knows I do. It's been so long since I've been touched Kevin: Right,right. So make a statement.Trust me. Put that on. It'll get you noticed. Sarah: Yeah, yeah, it will...from space. Sarah: I can't believe you convinced me to buy this dress. Kevin: What? What are you talking about? You look so hot in that dress. Sarah: Really? Kevin: You deserve to meet someone. Sarah: God, I hope you're right, Kevin. You know, I really think it's time. I just, you know what I miss? Kevin: What? Sarah: I just miss that first touch. It's been so long since I've been-- Kevin: Oh my god. Don't--don't look.Don't look. Don't--just-- stop. Sarah: Bee on my head? Kevin: No, just walk with me. Really slow, really slow. Look into this-- look into this-- Sarah: Oh, get it off. Get it off. Kevin: Look into this window. Don't argue with me. Sarah: What? What? Kevin: Don't look over your shoulder. Chad's across the street. Sarah: Chad who? Kevin: Chad! Sarah: Oh, Chad. Oh, my god. He is so ridiculously chiseled. Kevin: Turn around. Stop looking. He might see. Sarah: What? He doesn't know who I am? What, what are you afraid of? Why don't you just go say hi? Kevin: No, no, that's not gonna happen. Sarah: Oh, he really is spectacular. He's bi, right? Maybe you should introduce me. Kevin: What? Sarah: I'm 40.I can't be that choosy. Why did you guys break up anyway? Kevin: Why? He was an emotional mess, okay? Deeply, deeply closeted. He had a girlfriend who was happy to be his beard. He practically denied my existence when we were dating. Sarah: Ugh. Kevin: What? Sarah: Sorry. He just spotted us. Kevin: Oh, my god. He's coming over. He's coming over. Don't leave my side. Oh,my god. Wh--I-- l-- Sarah: Wow. Chad: Mmmmh. I owed you that, in public. You know, for how I acted when we dated. So, Kev... how are you? Kevin: Me? I'm--I'm-- Sarah: married. Kevin: I'm married. ♪ You Got The Style ♪ by Athlete ♪ Listen Sarah: What? Wh-- what, and Chad isn't? Kevin: That's a name I'm trying to forget. Sarah: Come on. Don't tell me you didn't enjoy that kiss. Just because you're married doesn't mean you're dead. Kevin: I did like it. That's the problem. And try not to tell scotty what happened. Sarah: You've got nothing to be guilty about. You didn't provoke him. Honestly... Kevin: You--you have it really bad. Oh, my god. It's him. It's--it's Chad. Uh,do I take this? Sarah: Well, I would. I've got sex on the brain. Kevin: Okay, I'll talk to you later. Hello. Chad: Hello. I keep thinking about you. Kevin: That's fine. I think about me all the time. Chad: So I was wondering if you'd like to go get a drink tomorrow. Kevin: I--yeah. You--you know,I would, except it's-- you know, it's a school night and... I'm married. Chad: No, I meant the three of us. Kevin: You know, uh, yeah. Well, Scotty's pretty busy with work. Chad: Well, why don't you ask Scott? You still have my number, right? Well, I hope I see you soon. Kevin: Okay. Bye. Scotty: Oh, you're home. Kevin: Yeah, you know, since Robert's gone, the office is pretty quiet. Scotty: Do you want to go out for dinner? I'm taking the night off. I need a break. Kevin: Yeah, sure. Scotty: Great. I'll hop in the shower. Kevin: Hey, um, guess who I...ran into. Scotty: Who? Kevin: Chad. Scotty: Chad? Chad? Your, your ex chad? Kevin: Yeah, isn't that, isn't that weird? Scotty: How is he? Kevin: He's, he's fine. I mean, you know, he's so dramatic. Scotty: Dramatic? What does that-- what does that mean? Kevin: Okay, he--he came up to me on a--on a very busy street, and he--he gave me a very...big kiss. Apparently, um, as an apology for being so, you know,so deeply closeted when-- when we dated, but, um, you know, it was all-- it was all him. I mean, you can ask sarah. She saw the whole thing. Scotty: Oh,that--that is dramatic. Kevin: Yeah, that's not the half of it. He, um... he wants to have drinks. With--with the both of us. Scotty: Oh, oh. That could be fun. Kevin: Fun? Are--are you-- are you being serious? He--I mean, he--he did kiss me on the street. I thought you'd be furious. Scotty: Oh, he's just some crazy actor. What's the big deal? Anyway, I've--I've met him before. He's--he's nice. When's he free? Kevin: You actually want to do this? Scotty: Yes, I-I want to have drinks with Dr. Phillip. I loved him on "Tempest Island." I-I remember when he went undercover to save Baltimore from the Cassidy family. Fine, I'm a fan. Kevin: Wow, you never...cease to surprise me. Are you sure about this? You know, I mean, Chad's pretty full of himself. You know actors always talk about themselves. Scotty: Oh, like you don't? Come on. Call him. Kevin: Okay. J--uh,just remember, this is not my idea. ♪ Lace And Leather ♪ by Britney Spears ♪ Listen Chad: You know what the ironic thing is? The parts I'm getting offered now are so much better and, well, masculine. Kevin: M-masculine? Chad: Anyway, the most important thing is I feel really great about myself. Kevin: I can see that. Chad: So anyway, enough about me. Why don't you guys tell me about the wedding? Scotty: Oh, actually, I have, uh, some pictures here on my phone. Kevin: It's actually our anniversary in a couple of weeks. Chad: You guys are so cute. Kevin: Being surrounded by that many flowers makes anyone look cute. Chad: No, that's not it. You both are very good-looking. Kevin: Thank you. Scotty: That's sweet. Chad: Baby, take a seat so what's it like being married? Scotty: It's great. Kevin: Yeah, it's like an episode of "leave it to beaver" without the... yeah. Chad: I don't think I could handle it. I mean, I'm just enjoying being free. I'm fine leaving marriage to the heterosexuals. You guys ever miss it? Kevin: What? Chad: I don't know, sitting at a table like this, knowing that at any moment anything could happen. Don't you miss that kind of spontaneity? Kevin: Well, um... Chad: You guys want to get outta here? Kevin: Where would we go? Chad: We could go to my place. Uh,I have a pool. Scotty: A pool? Chad: Or we could go to your place. Uh, being married doesn't mean you can't play together, right? Come on. It'll be fun. Scotty: Should we go to the bedroom? Kevin: I can't wait that long. Scotty: Hey, are you this horny because we almost had a 3-Way? Kevin: M-Me? You could barely contain yourself on the car ride home. Is that him? Scotty: Of course it's him. He knows where you live, right? Kevin: He doesn't take no for an answer. Scotty: Well, should we let him in? Kevin: Are you serious? Scotty: Do you want to let him in? Kevin: This is how pornos start. Scotty: Are we on the same page right now? Kevin: I-I can't believe we're doing this. Scotty: Okay, I'm gonna go get the door. Oh, my God. Kevin: What are you doing here? Sarah: Oh, my God, Kevin. You will never believe it. I had sex in the office. I really need to share with somebody. Kevin: Why me? Sarah: Because I can't get ahold of Kitty, and, well, before you and Scotty got together, you were the most promiscuous member of the family. Scotty: Oh, that's comforting to know. Kevin: That.... Sarah: Oh no. Scotty: Yeah. Sarah: Oh, my god, I've done it again, haven't I? Kevin: Yeah. Sarah: Were you two about to... Kevin: Oh, no. Scotty: Ask Kevin. He's the most promiscuous one in the family. Sarah: Oh, I'm so sorry. Kevin: You're the one who answered the door. Scotty: You wanted me to. Kevin: No, I didn't. Sarah: What's going on? What are you talking about? Kevin: Scotty wanted a 3-Way. Sarah: Oh, my--Scotty! Scotty: I can't believe you actually told her. Kevin: She just had sex on her desk. Please. Sarah: In the storage room. Please. Kevin: You know what? I wasn't the most promiscuous member of this family. Justin was. I bet you he's had gobs of 3-Ways. Sarah: Oh, I doubt it. Anyway,we're talking about you. Okay, spill the beans. Who did you think was out that door? Scotty: Nobody. Kevin: Chad. Sarah: Oh, nice choice. Scotty: I'm not having this conversation with you, Sarah. You Walkers have absolutely no boundaries. Kevin: Maybe you should've thought of boundaries before you got us into this. Scotty: Oh, don't blame this on me, Kevin Walker. It takes three to tango. Sarah: He's right. Scotty: Sarah! Okay, I am completely humiliated. I am going to sleep. Good night, both of you. Sarah: Night. Kevin: Great. I think I just went from a 3-Way to sleeping on the couch. Sarah: I'm so sorry, Kevin. I should've called. Kevin: You could say that. Sarah: Yeah. You know, I might--I might go home to bed. I'm sure you guys need to talk. Kevin: Oh, wait, wait. Who--Who did you,uh,hook up with in the,um,in the office? Sarah: Caliente. Kevin: Not Cal? Sarah: I'm so sorry about... Next time,I promise. Kevin: Call next time. Sarah: Good luck. ♪ Romeo and Juliet ♪ by Dire Straits ♪ Listen Scotty: Hi. Kevin: Hi. I still feel weird. Scotty: Yeah, me, too. Kevin: Guess who called. Scotty: Well, he is nothing if not persistent. Kevin: He actually called to apologize for putting us in an awkward situation. Scotty: He has notng to be sorry for. I mean, look at us. If I were him, I'd want a piece of this action, too. Kevin: I didn't mean to lay it all on you, okay? I was just scared. Scotty: Yeah, me, too. God, we are such prudes. Kevin: You're not kidding. One possible 3-Way, and we practically have a nervous breakdown. Scotty: I guess we're more comfortable nesting. We may as well be lesbians. Kevin: Even lesbians have 3-Ways. Scotty: Yeah, but their heart's never in it. So we move on-- Monogamous... Kevin: Hmm. Scotty: Domesticated, married. Kevin: Yeah. Scotty: I wouldn't have it any other way.