Season 4 Episode 6

Zen & the Art of Mole Making First Aired: 01/Nov/2009

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♪ L.O.V.E. ♪ by VV Brown ♪ Listen Michelle: I can't believe they make you fill out this much paperwork for an ultrasound. Scotty: Oh, my god... Ultrasound. Wasn't that the name of a club we used to go to? Michelle: No, it was Megawatt. Scotty: Oh. Michelle: Remember how cheap the drinks were? Man, I used to get so wasted. Kevin: Um, Michelle, I hope you're gonna be okay not partying like a rock star for the next nine months. Michelle: Oh, yeah, yeah. I can totally use a break from all that stuff. Kevin: Can you define "stuff"? Scotty: Kevin. Kevin: What? I think it's a reasonable question. Michelle: I can't remember if my grandmother died of a stroke or a heart attack. Kevin: You have history of a stroke and... or a heart disease in your family? Scotty: All right, Kevin. That's enough. Michelle: Maybe you should take Kevin to Megawatt. It looks like someone could use a drink. Kevin: I'm glad you find our future baby's potential heart disease so funny. Scotty: Michelle's the surrogate, not the egg donor. Her DNA isn't involved. Michelle: Looks like that pretty much covers it. Scotty: Yay. Michelle: Time to get my oven checked. Scotty: All right, promise to call me as soon as you're done. Michelle: I will. Bye. Kevin: Bye. Scotty: All right. Mwah. Michelle: Oh! Scotty: Break an egg. What is wrong with you? Kevin: Look, I'm sorry. I know she's your friend. I don't think we should be cavalier about this. Scotty: No one's being cavalier. And she's not just a friend. She's a very close friend. You know, one of the benefits of going through this process with a very close friend is it doesn't have to be cold and impersonal. Please stop worrying. Kevin: Okay. Okay. What time does Megawatt open? Nora: He looks skinny, Kevin. God, Tommy, don't they feed you down there? Kevin: Who goes to Mexico and comes back looking skinny? Tommy: I'm not skinny, mom. Nora: It must be all that yoga. Kevin: Remember the summer I spent in Oaxaca? I came back looking like I'd eaten an entire Backstreet Boys. Scotty: Oh, I hope it wasn't Nick Carter. He's my favorite. Kevin: Tommy's back. Scotty: Shut up. Kevin: Yeah. Nora: Did you hear that? Saul: I'm wearing two different color socks today. Kevin: Uh, mom, did you tell him about our surrogacy? Nora: Well, no, I think you should tell him that. Kevin: Okay, let me talk to him. Saul: Can he stop by later? Sarah: Uh, Saul wants to know if Tommy can stop by later. Kitty: Uh, Saul wants to know if you could stop by Ojai. Saul: Maybe he can help us get out of this crazy wine scheme of Holly's. Tell him. Kitty: You know what? This is exhausting. And I have to take Evan to the doctor. Sarah: Can you just talk to Saul? Nora: Here. Kevin wants to talk to you. Tommy: This would be a lot easier in person. Scotty: So... How is he? Kevin: Good. Great. Mom's beyond thrilled. Scotty: What about you? Is there any residual weirdness? Kevin: Actually, it's okay. I hate to admit it, but I think the Hippie Hacienda was exactly what Tommy needed. Michelle: I am the womb master. Scotty: Clean bill of health? Michelle: Straight A's for the first time in my life. Kevin: Oh! God. Scotty: Oh, my god. This is amazing. Kevin: Yeah, it's great. Scotty: So now all we have to do is find an egg donor and... Michelle: And get me knocked up. Kevin: Well, before we get you knocked up, maybe we should take a look at the paperwork. Scotty: What paperwork? Michelle: Paperwork? Kevin: Yeah, I had a contract drawn up. It... it just outlines both parties' responsibilities and obligations. Scotty: Why is this the first time I'm hearing about this? Kevin: Because I only just got it. It's pretty standard. Michelle: I have gone from being your friend Michelle to being a "gestational carrier"? Scotty: No, no, you're still our friend Michelle. Kevin's just being annoyingly lawyer-ish. Michelle: "Travel restrictions." Does this mean that I can't visit my family on Christmas? Scotty: No, of course you can visit your family at Christmas. Kevin: Well, that would have to be determined by a doctor. But some of the details in there are negotiable. Michelle, please, don't take this personally. Okay? We just have to protect ourselves. Michelle: From me? You have to protect yourself from me? Scotty: No, he doesn't mean that. Kevin: No, it also protects you. Think of it this way... what if, um, you had the baby, and we decided not to pay? Scotty: We would never do anything like that, Kevin. Neither would Michelle. I've known her longer than I've known you. Kevin: Even so, we would be crazy to enter into this without a contractual agreement. Scotty: I thought we wanted to avoid all the cold and impersonal parts. Michelle: Um, obviously, you guys have some talking to do. Scotty: No, Michelle. Michelle: I'm... I'm sorry, Scotty, maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Scotty: Michelle, we... Michelle: I'll talk to you later. Scotty: This is your way of protecting us, a contract? Kevin: I'm sorry, if she's not mature enough to see the need for a contract, she is not mature enough to carry our baby. Sarah: Sorry, everybody. Did we start? Saul: Ooh, la la, mademoiselle! Ooh, la la! Sarah: Shh. Kitty: Nice of you to join us, Sarah. Oui, oui! Oui, oui! Sarah: All right, attention. In honor of Tommy's return, I have poured a gorgeous white burgundy. Tommy, I know you prefer californian wines, but this is really marvelous. I brought a case. Rebecca: Ooh, Saul's in the mood to party. Saul: No, no, I can't party. I have to go back to Ojai. One or two glasses. Justin: Bummer. Saul: Yes, Justin, truer words were never spoken. A little more articulate, maybe. But truer? No. Kitty: Okay, I think that a toast is in order. Kevin: Absolutely. Sarah: Yes, definitely. Kitty: Mom, would you like to say something? Nora: No. Someone else go. That's okay. Saul: Aw. Kitty: Um... O-okay. Okay. Well, uh, here's to Tommy. Kitty: We are very, very happy you're home. Kevin: I whole heartedly concur. Scotty: Oh, let the record show counsel whole heartedly concurs. Kevin: Would you please give it a rest? Scotty: Mm. Saul: So, Nora, how about the mole? Is it up to snuff? Nora: It's fabulous. Very well done, Tommy. Kitty: Very good. Tommy: Thanks, Mom. So, uh, Scotty, I hear, uh, you guys are gonna be parents. That's exciting. Scotty: Um, actually, it looks like things might've fallen apart in litigation. Sarah: Oh, no! Really? Kevin: Oh, for crying out loud. It was just a contract, okay? We signed one when they had Elizabeth, and we're brothers. Okay? I was just trying to protect our family. It's what being a good parent's all about, right, Tommy? Tommy: Yeah. Nora: That's what a good parent does. Saul: Nora? Nora: Yes? Saul: Are you okay? You've been very quiet tonight. Nora: No, I'm fine. I'm fine. Totally fine. I... I just don't want to butt in where's it's none of my business. Sarah: Uh, what are you talking about, Mom? Nora: Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It's Tommy's life. Let him clean up his own damn room. Kitty: Mm. All right. Tell us what she's talking about. Kevin: Yeah. Tommy: Thanks, Mom. Uh, Julia and I are getting divorced. Sarah: Oh, god, I'm sorry. Justin: What? Sarah: I... I thought maybe... Nora: Go ahead. You might as well tell them the rest. Tommy: No, no. Hey, you brought it up. Nora: I did not. Okay, fine, fine. He has not seen or talked to his daughter in months. And Julia does not want him in Elizabeth's life anymore. Sarah: Okay, Mom, could you just... Saul: Tommy... Rebecca: Paige, Cooper, you wanna go in the living room maybe? Sarah: Thank you. Cooper: But I don't want to miss the fight. Scotty: Oh, uh, come on, kiddo. We'll go play some video games. ♪ Swann Song ♪ by Chris Pureka ♪ Listen Scotty: How are you? Kevin: I need this shoulder. Scotty: It's hard to believe... ten years of marriage, and this is what it comes to... Julia forbidding Tommy to talk to his daughter. Kevin: It's pretty bad. It's very bad. Scotty: Kevin, I'm so sorry I gave you a hard time about the contract. Kevin: I shouldn't have sprung it on her like that. Scotty: True. But you were right. The law barely recognizes us as a family. You were right to want to protect us. Kevin: Thank you. But I didn't want to mess things up with Michelle. That's the last thing I wanted. Scotty: I know you didn't. But I suppose we should make an appointment with the agency, start looking for another surrogate. Kevin: Are you okay with that? Scotty: I mean, I'm a little disappointed. I thought Michelle was the one, you know? Kevin: I know. ♪ Hold You Tight ♪ by Lisbeth Scott Michelle: You suing me for breach of verbal contract or something? Kevin: Good one. Michelle: I get it, Kevin. You don't like me. You think I'm a flake. Whatever. Kevin: I... I don't think you're a flake. Michelle: Oh, come on. You think I don't hear all those smart-ass remarks you make about me, about the way that I live? Kevin: I'm... I'm a smart-ass. I'll admit that. But I... I am sorry if you think I don't like you, because I do. Michelle: You just don't trust me then? Kevin: No, no. I... no, I don't trust anyone. It's just a santa claus thing from way back. Michelle: Kevin, why are you here? Kevin: To beg. May I? To see if there is any way you would still be willing... Scotty and I would both love for you to be our surrogate. Michelle, my... my brother has a daughter... Elizabeth... A beautiful little girl who means a lot to me... A whole lot. And right now, He and his wife are going through a divorce. And she won't let him see Elizabeth. And he was an ass. He behaved appallingly. And she's hurt and angry And fighting back the only way she knows how. But at the center of it all is a little girl who's not allowed to see her dad. Look, I know a contract is no guarantee. So I hope you can understand, I feel so helpless and so out of control in this situation, I need a signature on a dotted line. Because the thought of losing my child... It's... It's too much for me. Michelle: Kevin, I can't even read it, with all the stipulations and... and the parties of the blah, blah, blah. Kevin: Okay, here's what we're gonna do... I'm gonna get you an attorney. I will pay for the best family lawyer in Los Angeles. He will be your advocate, there just for you, and he will explain every clause and every stipulation, And if anything... Anything... doesn't sit right, We will fix it. I promise. Scotty: Okay. But I am totally going home for Christmas. Kevin: I will totally drive you myself. Scotty: I'm preggers!