Season 4 Episode 7

The Wig Party First Aired: 08/Nov/2009

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Scotty: They cut our line of credit in half? Why? Kevin: Because everything else in the neighborhood is selling for less, so our place is less valuable. Scotty: God, I hate banks. All they care about is money. How much did they leave us? Kevin: Ah.. Fifty thousand, which is not enough to pay for this baby. Just getting Michelle approved as our surrogate, and the screening alone was close to 5 grand. Scotty: Well, fine. I will... I'll cater more. Kevin: Cater? We're talking 50,000. Scotty: Well, I'll cater a lot if I have to. Kevin: Well, what am I supposed to do, steal campaign contributions? Scotty: It'd be money better spent. Kevin: If you think Robert's bad, wait till you see this nut job Barry Henderson who's entering the primary today. He'd cut our line of credit just for being gay. Scotty: What are we supposed to do? We've come this far. I don't wanna give up. Kevin: I will talk to another bank, and I will get us this loan, I promise. Gotta run. My phone's been buzzing all morning because of this Henderson dude. Scotty: Did you just say "dude"? Kevin: Oh, yeah. Sorry. Call the police! There's an insane man outside! Scotty: No, Kevin, that's Kluv the Crusader. Kevin: Who? Scotty: It's my father wearing his Kluv the Crusader costume. Kevin: Kluv? Scotty: From planet Kluvon. Just let him in. Kevin: Hi, Wally. Wally: Hi, Kevin. Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you. Scotty: Hi, Dad. Hey. Wally: Hi, son. Scotty: Hey, I see the costume still fits. Wally: There's a comic convention in town, so I thought I'd get it out of the mothballs and go. It was kind of a last-minute thing. Scotty: Where's mom? Wally: Uh, she didn't wanna come. Scotty: Oh, yeah, well, she never loved Kluv the way we did. Wally: No, she didn't, but, uh... Scotty, your mother left me. Wally: This is some kind of place, chef. You've come a long way. Scotty: Well, you knew me when I was sleeping in my car. Wally: I knew you when you were sleeping in your crib. Scotty: Dad, I'm really sorry about Mom. Wally: I didn't mean to blurt it out like that. I must've looked like such an idiot in that outfit. Scotty: Oh, stop it. You looked awesome. Wally: I brought my entire collection: All the old Daredevil comics, The Avengers, Captain America, The Amazing Spider-Man. I think I might sell them, under the circumstances. Scotty: Dad, tell me what happened. Wally: It's complicated, Scotty. Scotty: This wasn't about me being gay, was it? Wally: No. No. Scotty: Well, I know Mom can be very stubborn sometimes. Wally: Look, we just started drifting apart, that's all. Sometimes these things can be a chance for people to start over. Scotty: Actually, I am... I have some pretty important news to tell you about myself. Wally: Kevin's pregnant, right? Scotty: No, um, but... Actually, it's kind of crazy you should say that. Umm.. We're trying to have a baby. Wally: How are you? Scotty: Well, we're gonna go with a surrogate. That is, if we can afford one. It costs a fortune. Wally: Wait a minute. Which of you is gonna? I mean, whose? Scotty: Sperm are we going to use? Wally: Yeah. Scotty: Dad, it isn't a competition. Wally: I know. Can't a grandfather dream? Scotty: Yes, he can. Scotty: It's really great. You know, I feel like I'm getting to know my dad all over again. Without my mom, he's allowed to have an actual personality. Kevin: Well, that is great. Oh, he's over there. Scotty: Oh, where? Kevin: With that attractive lady. Scotty: What's that supposed to mean? He's friendly. He'll talk to anyone, even strangers. Kevin: Pfft. I don't think they're strangers. Oh, my God, he's sleeping with her. Scotty: You're cut off. Kevin: I haven't started drinking yet. Scotty: Kevin. Kevin: Come on, look at the way she's tilting her head as he talks to her. Look at the way he's staring at her. Scotty: You're nuts, you know that? Kevin: I'm... Uh-oh. Scotty: Hey. Kevin: Busted. Scotty: Kevin, Kevin: Yeah. Scotty: Come on. Kevin: What? My father was a philanderer. When I look back, the only things I realize are the clues I missed. Scotty: We're talking about my father, not yours. He doesn't have it in him, trust me. Kevin: I'm not so sure about that. Hi. Wally: Hey. Are you guys early? Kevin: Yeah. There was no traffic. So here we are. Wally: Ready for dinner? Scotty: Yeah. I made a reservation at a great steak place. I know the chef. Wally: It's gonna be my treat. Kevin: Oh, my God. Scotty: What? Kevin: Oh, my God. I'm so sorry, I have to leave. I'm so sorry. Robert's meltdown was caught on camera. Now it's on YouTube. I'm really sorry. Scotty: No, no, it's fine. You go. Kevin: Wally, forgive me. I'll see you later? Wally: Yeah. Kevin: Great. I'm so sorry. Scotty: Bye. Wally: Does he always rush off like that? Scotty: Yeah. Wally: Let's get a drink. Wally: I was thinking of wearing my Kluv the Crusader outfit tomorrow, but it's really just a ratty old Halloween costume compared to what kids wear these days. Scotty: It's a convention. It doesn't matter what you look like. Wally: We should go. I'm hungry. Scotty: Yeah. Wally: Oh, damn. I forgot my wallet in the room. Scotty: Oh, I'll come with you. Wally: No, it's all right. Wait here. I'll be right back. Scotty: I wanna see your comic books. Wally: No, Scotty. We're gonna do that tomorrow. Scotty: Dad, what's going on? Oh! Oh, did you meet someone here? Because, I mean, that's okay. Is that the woman you were with? Wally: Her name's Moira, and I didn't meet her here. I've been seeing her for a while. I've been trying to find the right time to tell you. Scotty: I can't believe this. Wally: It's one of the reasons we came. She wanted to meet you. Scotty: But that's why Mom left, isn't it? Wally: I should've told you this sooner. Scotty: You lied to me. You let me blame Mom when you've been screwing around with another woman? Wally: I'm sorry, Scotty, but it's not like l... Scotty: But what? Wally: Can we just talk about this, please? Scotty: I have nothing to say to you. Enjoy the rest of your trip. Kevin: Come on. Let's go for a walk. You've been lying on this couch all morning. Scotty: Do you know what's weird? I don't even care that he had an affair. I mean, he was never happy with my mom. Kevin: So, what's going on? Scotty: All my life, I kept wishing he would stand up to her. I mean, even when he was on my side, he would never let her know. Kevin: She's a pretty tough cookie, your mom. Scotty: I just... I wish he could've learned to take care of himself sooner, you know? Kevin: My father took care of himself every chance he got. It didn't make things better. And there's no way he would've told the truth last night. He would've lied and lied, and you wouldn't have known the difference. At least you can make peace with him while he's still alive. I never had that chance. Scotty: Oh, God, that's him. That's gotta be him. Kevin: Oh, hi. Thanks. It's for you. What is it? Scotty: It's his Captain America comic book from the '40s. Kevin: What does the note say? Scotty: "Scotty, here's something to help you guys... Here's something to help you guys pay for the baby. Call me when you're ready. I love you. Dad." Kevin: How much is it worth? Scotty: This is worth a lot, Kevin. This is worth a lot.