Season 4 Episode 13

Run Baby Run First Aired: 17/Jan/2010

<< S4E12 S4E14 >>

Michelle: Will you please come over here? I can't see you back there. Kevin: I'm sorry. I was just trying to be respectful of your, you know, lady parts. Michelle: "Lady parts"? Is he joking? Scotty: No. If we become parents, you will say penis and vagina, not licorice and lady parts. Kevin: Hey, Mom. Nora: I just wanted to tell you I'm thinking about you and I'm sending you very strong vibes. Michelle: I think it's a little weird to have your mom in the room during conception. Dr Cortez: Hey, guys. Kevin: The doctor's here. Bye. Michelle: Why did I drink so much water? Dr. Cortez: Well, a full bladder makes your uterus easier to see with the sonogram. Michelle: Is it gonna hurt? Dr. Cortez: Actually, it's done. Two embryos. Kevin: Wow, really? Michelle: Talk about premature ejaculation. Dr. Cortez: Now, Michellele, I need you to stay still and lie here for an hour. After that, it's 36 hours of bed rest. Michelle: My friend Sam's gonna help me. Kevin: What friend Sam? Scotty: She has a friend named Sam. What's the problem? Kevin: No problem. No Sam working together. She's not gonna move. We're not taking any chances. Dr. Cortez: You do know that with in vitro, you need to abstain from sexual activity up until week 16. Michelle: Sixteen? Dr. Cortez: Mm-hm. Michelle: No, I did not know that. Kevin: Oh, well, now you do. Michelle: Maybe you guys should abstain for 16 weeks in solidarity. Justin: Oh, it's Scotty. Hey. Are you knocked up yet? Scotty: Well, keep your fingers crossed. We just need to elevate her feet, so the salmon can swim upstream. Justin: Okay, I'm just gonna put you on speaker so I'm not the only one grossed out. Hold on, buddy. Scotty: Hi, guys. Sarah: Hey. Rebecca: Hi Michelle: Hi, total strangers who know way too much about my business. Sarah: How did everything go? Scotty: Oh, well, you know, the buns are orbiting the oven. We just need to keep Squirmy McSquirmypants still for the next 36 hours so they can land. Rebecca: Oh, Michellele, I was working like crazy when I got pregnant. Don't let them drive you nuts. Scotty: We're just trying to be overly cautious, that's all. Sarah: Where's Kevin? Scotty: Oh, Robert called. He said it was important. You know how that is. Robert calls, Kevin jumps, that sort of... thing. Michellele, what's that smell? Michelle: Ah. That's my oven. I have a gas leak. The landlord was supposed to fix it. Scotty: Wait, a gas leak? Michelle: It's just a little one. Sarah: Scotty, you've gotta get her out of there right now. Scotty: The doctor said she's to be on bed rest. Sarah: Well, find her a different bed. Scotty: I guess we'll take her back to our place. Sarah: Come on. Where would you two sleep? Bring her over here tonight. The kids are with Joe, so she can have Paige's room. Scotty: Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. And thank God Kevin's not here. He'd be having a nervous breakdown. ♪ Bad Romance ♪ by Lady Gaga ♪ Listen Scotty: Ooh! Kevin: Michellele, could you take it easy? Michelle: I'm not moving, Kevin. Kevin: You're flapping your arms. You have to stay still or it might not stick. Michelle: It's an embryo, not Velcro. Scotty: Yes. Michelle: Don't start your victory dance. It's my serve now. Kevin: Let her win, would you? Michelle: I don't wanna play if he's gonna throw the game. Kevin: Well... Scotty: Hey, do you guys wanna hear a joke? Kevin: She's not supposed to laugh. Where are you going? Michelle: I have to use the bathroom. Is that all right? Kevin: Do you really have to use the bathroom or are you just being spiteful? Michelle: Do you wanna find out? Kevin: Come on, Scotty, you have to back me up over this. You heard what the doctor said. No moving at all. So, what does that mean? She has to be careful. Scotty: She also said some women go jogging, some women have sex, drink the next morning and nine months later... Michelle: I know, I know, I know. I'm sorry. I just really, really want this to work. ♪ The One ♪ by Mary J Blige ft. Drake ♪ Listen Scotty: Okay, here you are. Two bottles of water and an entire newsstand worth of magazines. Michelle: Thanks. So Sam just texted me and he is on his way. You don't think that Kevin's gonna be coming up here all night, right? Scotty: Yes. Michelle: Here's the thing. I didn't know how to tell Kevin this, but Sam is more than just a friend. Scotty: You're kidding me, right? Michelle: Don't you get upset. Scotty: Well, how long have you been seeing him? Michelle: A month. Scotty: Aww. Michelle: Where does it say that a surrogate can't have a boyfriend? Scotty: Nowhere. But you have to tell us these things. Michelle: I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just thought Kevin would get mad. Scotty: Yeah, well, he's gonna be a lot madder now that you kept it from us. Okay. At least tell me he's a nice guy. Michelle: Yes. He's a really nice guy and he's really responsible, and he's really sweet. And he's just a little younger than I am. Scotty: How much younger? Michelle: Nineteen. Scotty: Nine... Scotty: Listen, Kevin, Sam is on his way over here with some DVDs. Kevin: Great. He can leave them with me. Scotty: We can't control her. She has a personal life. Be nice. Sarah: Well, if he wants to stay for dinner, I have a spare seat. Place. Scotty: Kevin: I hope you're not Sam. Roy: Uh, no. Sarah: Roy. Oh, my God. What are you doing here? Roy: You invited me to dinner. Sarah: Oh, well, yes. Of course I did. I guess I figured after our little argument... Kevin: Look, Sarah, Roy's brought wine. I'm Kevin. This is Scotty. Scotty: Hi. Roy: Hey. Kevin: Do you have a backpack we should check? Sarah: Oh, by the way, Sam's here. Kevin: He is? Sarah: Mm-hm. Nora: Well, listen. You guys have fun. We'll just be downstairs, so call us if you need us. Sam: We're gonna watch a zombie movie. Kevin: You're gonna watch a zombie movie? I don't want her seeing violence. Nora: Kevin, it's just a movie, for goodness' sakes. When I was pregnant with you I saw The Exorcist and you turned out just fine. Kevin: Well, she's not pregnant yet, that's the whole point. Scotty: Second of all, he didn't turn out fine. Nora: No. Scotty: Kevin, this is Sam. Sam: It's great to meet you. Nora: So anyway, come on, let's go. Scotty: Yeah. Nora: Bye, guys. Scotty: Yeah, bye. Come on. Kevin: Uh, she's, she's, she's on bed rest. You got that? Sam: Yes, sir. Kevin: Yeah. Nora: Sorry. We were just talking to Michellele who is stuck in bed for the next 36 hours. Scotty: Twenty six and counting, actually. Sarah: Ah, Kevin, Roy was just saying how much he enjoyed Kitty's book. Kevin: Oh. Well, she does have a great political mind. Wouldn't you say, Robert? Robert: It's one of the reasons I married her. Roy: My sister gave it to me. She's a Democrat and I'm a Republican so... Sarah: Oh. Robert: This just keeps getting better and better. Sarah: That explains everything. Nora: Explains what? Roy: I believe schools have the right to search lockers and backpacks. Sarah: Without good cause. Now, that's crazy, right? Saul: No. I don't think that's crazy at all. Sarah: What? Nora: What if someone brings a gun onto campus? Sarah: Mom, I can't believe you're saying this. Robert: My kids go to school in D.C. I don't want anything getting into the building other than homework. Sarah: Com, come on. It's, it's an invasion of the kids' privacy. It's gotta be illegal, right? Kevin, back me up on this. Kevin: No, I don't think so. Not on school property. Sarah: Really? Kevin: Mm-hm. Nora: Just ignore him. He has been a pill all day. Saul, why don't you just go upstairs and introduce yourself to Michellele and her boyfriend? Saul: Why don't you not tell me what I should be doing? Okay? I'm perfectly happy the way I am. Kevin: Boyfriend? I thought they were friends. Scotty: Kevin, calm down. Kevin: Are they a couple? Scotty: Yes, they're dating. She just told... Kevin. Kevin: Excuse me. Robert: He let a guy up there? Kitty: It's... Scotty: I'm sorry. Robert: I'm gonna get a beer. You want one? Kevin: All right, that's it. All the zombies are dead. We can go to sleep feeling safe and sound. Michelle: Wait. I like to watch the credits. Kevin: Why? No one would put their real name to that movie. Sam: I loved it. Scotty: Yeah, I liked it too. Kevin: Lights out. I mean it. Scotty: Okay. Sam: See you tomorrow. Kevin: Ah, Michellele, he knows the rules, right? For the next 16 weeks? Scotty: Okay, Kevin, you're gonna drive them crazy. Kevin: He's teenagers think about sex endlessly. Scotty: Well, yes. Sam: I'm right here, man. Kevin: I know, man. That's the problem. Sam: All right, just so you know, I was so excited when she told me what she was doing. I still am. I wish you guys a lot of luck. Kevin: Great, now I feel bad. Michelle: Maybe you'll be nicer from now on. Kevin: Michellele, you do know how grateful I am for everything you're doing, right? Michelle: Yeah. Can I ask you guys a question? Seriously? Kevin: Of course. Michelle: If this doesn't work out, you're not gonna be mad at me, right? Scotty: Oh, no. No. Kevin: No. Not at all. Michelle: Okay, good. Because I can't stop laughing. It's impossible. I find the world funny. Kevin: You're absolutely right. Do you know what I'm gonna do right now? I'm gonna let Scotty tell his joke. Scotty: Oh, really? Kevin: Yeah. Scotty: I'm a little nervous now, but... Michelle: Come on. Scotty: Okay. Do you wanna see my impression of a gay owl? Kevin: Yeah. Sam: Yes. Michelle: Yeah. Scotty: "Who?" Kevin: That's good. That's funny. Scotty: Yeah. Michelle: Yeah. Kevin: You made it funny.