Sunday, 31 October 2010
Season 5 Episode 6 - music
Season 5 Episode 6 - music
An Ideal Husband
First Aired: 31/Oct/2010
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     | "I Know" by Meaghan Smith Charity party at Scotty's restaurant. Lyrics: It's in our hello In the way your smile glows And it's in our good bye In the tear in your eye And all in between When you're lookin at me I know, I know, I know What you don't say It shimmers through In the things you do When you write me a note And send it by the post What you might not sign On that bottom line I know, I know, I know What you don't say Words are not needed And though my ears Could be misled My heart can hear instead What goes unsaid You'll leave me with this A hug and a kiss And that little phrase Those three words You can't say But please don't feel blue Cause I always knew And I know, I know, I know And I love you too |
Season 5 Episode 6
An Ideal Husband First Aired: 31/Oct/2010 | ||
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Nora: If you're just joining us today, on "Dear Mom", we're talking about the big C. Commitment. And our next caller is Janey from Irvine. Good morning, Janey. So what's on your mind? Janey: Hi, Nora. I love your show. Nora: Thank you. Um, okay, so, Janey, what's up? Janey: How do I know if my boyfriend Doug is truly committed to our relationship? Nora: I don't know. Why are you asking me? You have to hang up the phone, call Doug, and ask him. Janey: I don't know if I want to hear the answer. Nora: You can't waste your life waiting for someone to commit. But you... but you can't give up hope either. Sometimes there's hope where you least expect it. Take my middle son for instance. Now he was the child I thought least likely to commit, ever. And now he and his husband have been happily married for over three years. And honestly... they have one of the best marriages I know. So there you have it. Scotty: Oh, I... I thought you might want an espresso. I didn't realize you were still sleeping. Kevin: I wouldn't call it sleeping. More like barely achieving a semi-unconscious state. Scotty: Th-there's regular coffee, if you want that, too. Kevin: Was there something else? Scotty: Uh, yeah. Actually, I wanted to... to talk about the party tonight. I don't want to ruin it for you, so I thought maybe I... I shouldn't be there. Kevin: It's a charity event. People have paid 150 bucks per head to be served your signature hors d'oeuvres by you, and that's what they're gonna get. Oh, G... this thing is like a concrete slab. Scotty: Kevin, I know how upset you are... Kevin: Yeah, it's kind of an appropriate reaction when you find out your husband was with someone else, don't you think? You finished upstairs? Because I'd like to take a shower now, please. Scotty: Yeah, I'm all done. The bathroom's all yours. Kevin: Good. Kevin: God! You have to be iron man to get these things off. Scotty: Kevin, let me help. Kevin: I can manage. Scotty: You're sleep deprived. Why don't you let me sleep on the couch? Kevin: Because I don't want to sleep in our bed. Scotty: I told you, nothing happened in our bed. Kevin: Yeah, and I've told you, I don't want to know any details. Scotty: Fine, but we're both still living here, and your whole family is coming here tonight, and we can't just keep walking around like nothing's wrong. Kevin: I don't want my family to know because it's humiliating. Scotty: Sometimes I wish I never told you. Kevin: Then why did you? Scotty: Because I made a mistake, Kevin, and the worst thing I did was try to pretend like it never happened. I love you, and I know I owed you the truth. Kevin: No, what you owed me was fidelity. Sarah: Hey! Oh, God. I need a coffee. Are you two fighting? Kevin: No. Scotty: No. Sarah: Good. Okay, come on. Let's go through the details for tonight. Mom should be here any moment. Scotty: Wait. N... Nora's coming here now? Sarah: Well, I hope so. It's her charity. You think I'm super excited about the Grace Hill historical trust? What's this? Why can't I have a latte? Scotty: Uh, the machine's broken. I gotta go shopping. Sarah: You know what? I need a pad and pen. Kevin: Wait, Sarah, um, d... Sarah: Kevin. Kevin: Yeah. Sarah: Why are there sheets on your couch? Kevin: Uh, we had a house-guest. Sarah: Oh, yeah? Kevin: Yeah. Sarah: Who? Kevin: Barbara. Sarah: Barbara? Barbara who? Kevin: You don't know her. Sarah: Yeah, well, tell her she left your shoes, socks, tie, and shirt on the floor. What's going on? Is Scotty mad at you? Nora: Whoo-hoo. Hi. Sarah: Here you are. Kevin: Hi. Nora: Oh. Thank you so much for coming to help me. And Kevin, did you listen to my show this morning? Kevin: No, sorry. Nora: Well, I mentioned you and Scotty. I used you as an example of a great marriage. Sarah: Oh, I don't know how great it is, mom. Kevin slept in his office last night. Nora: Oh. What, does Scotty snore? Kevin: No, I was just, uh, I was too tired to make it upstairs. No big deal. Sarah: Oh, yeah? Kevin: Yeah. Sarah: So why the big story about Barbara? Nora: Who's Barbara? Kevin: Never mind. Nora: Hey. Scotty: Hi, Nora. Nora: Is everything okay? Sarah: Come on, Scotty, tell us. Why is Kevin in the dog house? Kevin: I'm not in the dog house? Sarah: Woof! Nora: Oh, Kevin, what did you do? Sarah: Come on. Don't cover for him. Spill the beans. Kevin: Why do you assume it's me? Maybe I'm down here for my own reasons. Nora: Really, what could Scotty have possibly done? Kevin: He cheated. That's what he did. So much for your great marriage. I have to get ready for court. Have a good party. Nora: Sarah, for God sakes, it's not even noon yet. Sarah: Who cares, mom? We're in the Twilight Zone now. Besides, it's rosé. Let's call it brunch. Nora: Fine. Pour me one. Justin: Hey. Sarah: Hey. Nora: Hi. Justin: Hi, mom. Nora: What are you doing here? Justin: Uh, Scotty asked me to bartend tonight. Sarah: Oh, a-are you okay with that? Justin: I used to do it all the time. And I'm sober now, so don't worry about me. Sarah: Good. Justin: I'd worry about yourselves, if anyone. So, uh, where's Scotty? He's gotta walk me through the setup. Sarah: Yeah. Look, um, we have a situation there. Nora: It seems... it seems that Scotty... Sarah: Cheated. Nora: Cheated on Kevin. Justin: What, liked hooked up? Sarah: Yeah. Nora: I don't know. Justin: Oh, no, no, no. No, I don't believe it. Nora: It's hard to believe. Justin: No, mom, I actually don't believe it. Sarah: Oh, believe it. It happens... dad, remember Joe, my ex-husband? Nora: Oh, come on, Sarah. Stop it. That's an unfair comparison. Sarah: Is it? Nora: Yes. Sarah: Why? Justin: Because Scotty's a better person. Sarah: Is he? Nora: Absolute... Justin: Yes. He is, and you were fighting with Joe long before anything ever happened with... Nora: You were fighting long before... Sarah: Yeah, but I believed in our marriage, and I thought he was the last man on this planet that would go... Justin: Okay, stop. You know what? Listen, Sarah, I get it. Dudes cheat. Nora: Yeah. Justin: All right? But Scotty's not that dude. Nora: No. Justin: We all know that, right? There has to be some explanation. Sarah: Well, the only one I can come up with is that when it comes to marriage, maybe love's not enough. Maybe you just never know... Nora: Oh, Sarah... Sarah, stop it. Don't talk like that. Don't talk like that. We have absolutely no idea what happened. Justin: Exactly. Rebecca and I used to fight all the time over misunderstandings... Nora: Yes, yes, yes... Sarah: And now you're divorced. What is your point? Justin: Come on, really? Nora: Now just stop it. You know, stop. This can't happen. Sarah: Really, what is your point? Nora: Okay? This can't happen. They're gonna get over it. That's all. They're gonna get over it. Sarah: Where are you going? Nora: I'm gonna find Kevin. You and Joe got divorced. Rebecca and Justin got divorced, Tommy and Julia... I probably should've gotten divorced. But Kevin and Scotty? No. They are the one Walker marriage which is not going down in flames. Kitty: Why don't you come over to my place tonight, and... and we can make sundaes? Kevin: No. You have to go to this thing. It's for charity. You're one of the draws. Kitty: Oh, please, Kevin. I don't want to be a draw anymore. I am just Kitty Walker now. Look, we can have a slumber party, just like we used to in the old days. And... and I'll tell Jack that tonight is canceled. Kevin: Doesn't he, like, live with you now? Kitty: No. No, he's staying with me intermittently. And it... it might change. I... you don't want to hear about this right now. Kevin: What, your new and exciting love life? No, I don't. Kitty: Oh, Kev. Listen, you know, Robert and I... Ugh. We made so many mistakes. Okay? And we got through it. And when you're ready to talk calmly, you and Scotty can sit... Kevin: What do you want me to do, Kit, just forgive him? Why... Oh, of course you do. You did the same thing. No, you had an affair with that guy from the park. Kitty: No, nothing happened between me and Alec. Kevin: You kissed him, Kitty, and even if you hadn't, you had an emotionally intimate relationship... Kitty: Kevin, Kevin... Kevin: That you withheld from your husband. Kitty: I am not condoning cheating. Kevin: No, you're excusing it. You know what? I am gonna go tonight because I live there. It's where my office is. Get Scotty over for sundaes. Scotty: Hi. So I guess you know. Saul: Yep, I spoke to Nora. I have to make a change in the menu tonight. Scotty: Um, okay. What are you thinking? Saul: Well, the mushrooms are wilted, so we can't do the mushrooms béchamel. I'll make ricotta fritters instead. Scotty: Okay. Can I help? Saul: No. No, you don't need to be involved in this. Scotty: Saul, please don't do this. You can't just ignore me. Saul: Well, Scotty, I'm at a loss. How could you do this? Scotty: It's not like I planned it. Things between Kevin and me were terrible back then. Saul: Really? How terrible could they have been? Scotty: It was two months after the accident. Robert was in a coma. Michelle had just miscarried. That terrible, okay? It was the opening night of the restaurant. === Scotty: Yeah, I need 4 pounds of crab meat. Okay, good. Call me back. Bye. Kevin: Oh! Scotty: What are you doing? Kevin: The... the cable guys turned the service on, but I can't reach the outlet to plug in the damn modem. Could you please help me? Scotty: Kevin, I have, like, 60 guests coming in 7 hours. You really have to do this now? Kevin: Yes, I know, and it's great that it's your big night. But I can't look for a job without the Internet. Scotty: Okay, fine. So where is my chef's jacket? Kevin: I'll get it later. Can you just help me push? Scotty: Okay, fine. Here we go. Kevin: Go. Scotty: Oh, did I tell you the critic from the "L.A. Times" is coming? Kevin: Oh, yeah, that's great. Yeah. Okay, it's in. Scotty: You know, Kevin, this could be a really big step forward for both of us. I just want to make sure that every... Ow! Ow! Ow! Kevin: What? What? What? Scotty: My hand is stuck! Kevin: Sorry. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Scotty: Ow! God, Kevin! God! I have to cook tonight. Did you really have to do this now?! Kevin: I'm sorry. Are you okay? Scotty: I'm fine. Could you just please pick up my chef's jacket? Kevin: Yeah, um... Scotty, about tonight, there's a partner coming in from a big London firm. He's stopping off on his way to Japan. He wants to see me about opening a practice here, but he can only meet tonight. Scotty: You're kidding me. Kevin: I might just be a little bit late. Well, come on. It wasn't planned. Look, I need a job. You don't know if this restaurant's gonna work. Scotty: Oh, thanks. Kevin: C... come on. I didn't mean it like that. Scotty: Yeah, you did. Kevin: You know what? There's a lot of things that we've wanted recently that haven't worked out the way we've hoped. Dreams don't always come true. Scotty: You know, Kevin, things have been bad, but I don't even recognize you anymore. Kevin: Oh, come on. Scotty: I hope you can make it tonight. === Scotty: We just let things get too bad. Saul: You're just making excuses. Scotty: Excuses? I'm not making excuses. I'm saying... Saul: You're trying to blame Kevin. Scotty: I'm not blaming him. I'm saying that it was complicated. Saul: I don't want to hear any more of this. This family has always been behind you. Scotty: I know. Saul: The only reason I'm here today is because we have a commitment to host this charity. But I will tell you one thing, Scotty. I have never been more disappointed in anyone in my life. Judge: I'm sorry, Mr. Walker, but I can't wait any longer. Ms. Lacy was duly summoned... Kevin: She's on her way, Your Honor. I spoke with her this morning. Judge: Well, it's this afternoon now. Kevin: An eviction notice is a court order if it's not contested. She'll lose the case by default if we don't contest. Judge: I'm well-aware of that. So where is Ms. Lacy? Kevin: She's on a bus. She's a 63-year-old woman with no car or support system. Judge: Mr. Walker, you need to calm down. Kevin: Well, maybe if she had an $80,000 car like you, she'd be on time. Judge: You are this close to being held in contempt of court. Is that her? Kevin: No, Your Honor. That would be my mother. I can't believe you embarrassed me in front of a courtroom of people. Nora: Well, it's a good thing I showed up. You were about to get arrested. Kevin: Cited. You don't get arrested for contempt of... it doesn't matter. Where is my soda? This is such a cliché. What, am I gonna hit the machine now? Nora: You're not gonna hit the machine, Kevin. You're not... just breathe. Would you please br... sit over here and br... for God sakes, breathe. Kevin: If you've come here to help the peace process, you should just go home. Nora: I came here to be with my son. Kevin: Did you really say that Scotty and I had the perfect marriage on the radio? Nora: No. I... I said you have one of the best marriages I know. Kevin: Maybe you should air a retraction. Nora: I still believe that. Kevin: Mom, please stop, because you can't fix this. Nora: Kevin, you and Scotty are so happy together. You have a great relationship. Kevin: Oh, God. You're worse than Kitty. Nora: You have to work it out, Kevin. You have to work it out. You have to try. Kevin: Why, so I end up like you and dad? And with all due respect, I don't want your marriage. In fact, I did everything I could to choose someone... Oh. Who I thought was as different from dad as possible. Nora: Kevin, Kevin, your father lied to me year after year... Kevin: Yeah. Nora: After year about a million things, not just Holly. Scotty told you the truth. He didn't have to do that. That's worth a lot. | ||
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♪ I Know ♪ by Meaghan Smith ♪ Listen Nora: I wasn't sure we'd get it all decorated in time. Lady A: Oh, this is so wonderful of you to do this every year, Nora. Nora: Thank you. Lady B: And what a beautiful restaurant. Nora: Yes, Saul and... and my son-in-law own it. Lady A: The one you talked about this morning on your show? Nora: Yeah. Lady A: Oh, is he here tonight? We can't wait to meet him and his husband. Nora: Well, I'm sure that can be arranged. Sarah: You think? I wouldn't bet on it. Nora: Honey, don't be negative. Sarah: It's hard not to be tonight. Nora: Well, thank you so much for coming. Sarah: Thank you for your contribution. Nora: Come on, sweetheart. Lady B: Our pleasure. Justin: All right, Margarita, no salt. Marcus: And the two glasses of Merlot and the Manhattan, straight up. Justin: Yes, yes. Marcus: Take your time. Older crowd. I, uh, I'm Marcus, by the way. Justin: Uh, Justin. Marcus: How long you worked here? Justin: First night. Can you tell? Marcus: Not at all. Anyway, I, uh... I've got my own drama tonight. This, not my usual gig. Justin: Let me guess. You're an actor. Straight up Manhattan. Marcus: No, uh, the old guy asked me to sub for someone sick tonight. Justin: The o... Saul. Marcus: Yeah. I, uh, I worked here one night before, and, uh, I mixed a little business with pleasure. Justin: What do you mean? Marcus: I hooked up with the chef. Scotty? Th... that's his name, right? Justin: Are you serious? Marcus: Yeah, I told you... drama. Anyway, I... I hope his boyfriend's not here tonight. I knew he had one. Justin: You mean his husband. Kevin: Hey, barkeep, give me a shot of bourbon. How are you? Marcus: Great. Justin: Uh, look, two merlots. You're all set. Kevin: Wait a minute. What's the rush? Kevin. Marcus: Hey. Marcus. Kevin: What's up, Marcus? Justin: Go, man. I mean it. Go. Marcus: Okay, okay. Kevin: What, Scotty cheats, but I'm not even allowed to flirt? Justin: Um, will you watch the register for a second? Kevin: Why? Where are you going? Scotty: I need another tray of bruschetta. And let's get some more of those fritters out there. Cook: Got it. Scotty: Someone needs to peel and slice these red peppers. Justin: Scotty, I need to talk to you. Scotty: Justin, I would love to talk to you, too, but I got a million and one things going on back here. Justin: Marcus is here. Scotty: Marcus? Justin: Yeah. Kevin: Coming right up. Kitty: Oh, hey, Kev. Kevin: Hey. Kitty: Where's Justin? Kevin: I don't know. But he left me in charge. One double scotch on the rocks. Waiter A: Uh, I said a rob roy, didn't I? Kevin: Who's he? Jack: Why don't you let me get that? I used to tend bar in college. Kevin: No, I'm here to assert my right and title to this building, Jack. That's legalese for, I've decided to take a stand, and it's gonna be at the bar. Waiter A: Uh, still need that rob roy. Jack: I'll make it. Kevin: Okay. Could you please make it two, Jack? I'm dying to know what rob tastes like. You don't mind me calling you Rob, do you? Kitty: Kev, you're embarrassing yourself. Kevin: Am I really? I thought you were done with politics. I'm not here positioning myself for debate or saving face. I'm mad, Kit. Kitty: I know. Kevin: Really mad. And there are no talking points for that. Scotty: I can't believe he's here. Justin: Yeah, he works here, Scotty. He walked up, ordered drinks, and then all of a sudden started bragging about how he hooked up with the chef. Scotty: Okay, I get it. Saul must have called him. We're understaffed. I swear to you, Justin, I have not seen him since it happened. Justin: All right. I believe you. Scotty: Can you please get rid of him? Justin: Yeah. Scotty: Be discreet. I don't want Kevin any more hurt than he already is. Justin: Yeah. Scotty: And, Justin. Justin: Yeah. Scotty: Thank you. I made a mistake that may have cost me my marriage. I never considered that it could cost me my family, too. Justin: Help me out, Scotty. I know how much you love Kevin. That's obvious. But this guy is a douche. Like, how did this happen? Scotty: I don't want to make excuses. Justin: Then tell me the truth, 'cause, Scotty, I don't... like, I don't get it. === Scotty: The dining room is at capacity. Kevin, hold on a second. Wait. I'm not done with that. Thanks. Kevin, I saved you a seat. Everybody's asking where you are. Kevin: Yeah, the, uh, the meeting's taking longer than I expected. Scotty: Kevin, this is the most important thing that's happened to me in a long time. I... I want you to be here. I think you need to be here, for us. Kevin: It's, uh, it's not gonna work out tonight. I'm sorry. I'll... Scotty: Kevin... Kevin: I'll see you at home. Marcus: Table twelve looks like they're about to eat their silverware. Can I take these? Scotty: Uh, yeah. Marcus: You wanna sauce 'em first? Scotty: Thanks. Marcus: So... bad call? Scotty: Bad night. Marcus: Well, you know, you wouldn't know it from out there. People are hungry, they're drunk, and they're loving everything coming out of the kitchen. You're clearly a culinary superstar. And with that face... you should probably have your own reality show. Scotty: One ono and one artichoke. Marcus: In fact, when we're done, I'm buying you a drink. Scotty: I own the place. Marcus: Great. Then we'll get drunk on you, which is way better for me. === Justin: Scotty, don't you see what happened? He wasn't trying to be nice. He was playing you. He said all the things that you wanted Kevin to say. Scotty: Like I said, I don't want to make excuses. Marcus: There you are. The bar's getting pretty backed up without you. Hey. Scotty: Marcus, I don't know what you're doing here, but what happened that night was a mistake, and I need you to please leave. Marcus: Well, this is awkward. Scotty: I need you to leave now. Marcus: Well... you know, I could've got another job tonight. Justin: Are you seriously trying to get paid right now? Scotty: Saul will cut you a check for the whole night. Justin, could you please take care of that? Justin: Yeah. Go, man. Justin: Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. Sarah: What? Kitty: What? Justin: The guy Scotty was with is here. Sarah: Here? Kitty: You're kidding. Justin: No. But Saul is paying him, and then he's leaving. Kitty: Pay him? For... for what? Justin: For working. Sarah: He's working here now? Kitty: Wait. I don't... I don't... Justin: It was a mistake. Saul didn't know he was "the guy." Sarah: So who's the guy? Kevin: What guy? Sarah: No one. Kitty: Uh, I-I have no idea what they're talking about. What are you talking about? Kevin: What guy? Oh, my God. He's here? He's one of the waiters? Justin: Look, Kevin, I'm dealing with it, all right? Kevin: You're dealing with it? Justin: I'm dealing with it. Kevin: So I'm right? This is unbelievable. Sarah: Kevin... Kitty: Kevin, easy, easy. Kevin: Which one is he? Nora: Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Kitty: Just calm down. Nora: Thank you so much for coming. This is always such a great day for my family, when we get to organize the grace hill historical trust dinner. Crowds: Chef. Chef! Chef! Chef! Chef! Nora: I know. Crowds: Chef! Chef! Chef! Nora: The food is wonderful, and there he is right there. Kevin: Is that him? Nora: A rising young star... Justin: No. Kevin: That's not him? Justin: No. Kevin: Oh, my God. It's Rob Roy. Sarah: Who's Rob Roy? Kevin: I know his type. Sarah: God. Kitty: Let's go Nora: Uh, I hope you all, um, eat a lot... Of food and just enjoy yourselves, and... okay. Kevin: Hey, Rob Roy. Waiter A: What the hell, man? I didn't do anything. Justin: No, but you did. Kevin: That's him?! Scotty: Kevin, stop. Kevin: Uh.... Scotty: Kevin, you can't just go around hitting people. Kevin: Oh, God. You know what? I am so sick of people telling me what to do and how to feel. Scotty: Kevin, the person you want to hit is me. Kevin: A waiter? A waiter, really? It's so obvious. I'd have given you more credit than that. Scotty: Kevin, I had no idea he was gonna be here. Kevin: Oh, God. More excuses. Scotty: Just say it. You've been wanting to say it all week. Kevin: No! Because I don't actually want to talk to you. Scotty: You have to talk to me. Kevin: You did this. You ruined our marriage... everything we fought for... for what? So you could get groped by a 24 year old. Scotty: I get it. You're angry. Kevin: I am not angry! I am in pain, and you put me here! The person who was supposed to love me more than anything. Scotty: Kevin... Kevin: You were supposed to be better than this. Scotty: I'm not. I'm just as lost... and damaged and screwed up as the rest of you. I'm not perfect, Kevin. I am not perfect. | ||
Kevin: You're sure the waiter's okay? He could get very litigious on me. Nora: No, he's fine. He's not gonna sue. Kevin: I wouldn't blame him if he did. Nora: He told me his girlfriend cheated on him last year, and he still wants to punch somebody. You have a right to be angry, Kevin. And the fact you wanted to take the guy's head off means something. Kevin: Yeah, that I should avoid bourbon. Nora: Well, that, too. But it means you care enough about your marriage to really fight for it, literally. Kevin: Maybe if I'd fought a little earlier... mom, Scotty's not the only one to blame for this. This didn't exactly happen in a vacuum. Do you remember the opening night party for this restaurant? Nora: God, that was a terrible time for everybody. ♪ True Angel ♪ by Diego Sandrin Kevin: I wasn't even there. === Kevin: Yeah, the, uh, the meeting's taking longer than I expected. Scotty: Kevin, this is the most important thing that's happened to me in a long time. I... I want you to be here. I think you need to be here, for us. Kevin: It's, uh, it's not gonna work out tonight. I'm sorry. I'll... I'll see you at home. Scotty: Kevin... Kevin: I'll take another. Bartender: Who's the meeting with? Kevin: What? Oh, uh... there is no meeting. Uh, that was my husband, and I lied. He's having... the most important night of his professional career, and I decided to stay here. It's not that I'm jealous or anything. It's just, I can't seem to do anything else but hate myself these days. So what does that say about me? You don't have to answer that. I already know. === Kevin: I was just stuck. I was so traumatized by what had happened, I couldn't be there for anyone... not even Scotty. Nora: You have to tell him. Kevin: Why? Nora: Because this could change everything. It's part of the problem. Kevin: Oh... mom, I get it. I was... I was... I was pathetic. What I did was heartless. But am I crazy to think his punishment didn't fit the crime? Nora: This isn't about crime or punishment or who did what to whom. This is about figuring all of it out so you can find your way back to each other. Kevin: Mom, honestly... all I want is to get back to where we were before... and just make like this never happened. Nora: Then you have to tell him. He was brave enough to take the first step and tell you the truth. Now it's your turn. Saul: Scotty, I found these glasses outside. People must have been smoking. Scotty: Uh, thanks. Y... you can go home. I'll clean up this mess. Saul: No, no, no. I wanted to talk to you anyway. Scotty, I was upset. I'm still upset. I was being loyal to my nephew. You hurt my family. But the thing is, I realized that taking sides isn't quite as simple as that, because... you see, you're my family, too. Scotty: Saul, you don't have to... Saul: Let me finish. Please. I know you don't want anyone to think that you're perfect. But to me, even with all of this stuff... you two are about as close to perfect as anything I've ever seen. Scotty: Yeah. Saul: And I guess because I was raised at a time when... when a real relationship between two men, much less marriage, seemed impossible... you and Kevin were living my dream. And when I... when I found out what happened, I just... suddenly, everything seemed less possible again. Scotty: Saul... everything is still possible. Don't let what I did make you give up hope. Saul: I won't if you won't. Did you eat yet? Scotty: No. Saul: How about I make you some ricotta fritters with a little... little bit of chestnut honey? It's the secret. Nora: All right, boys, show me your hands. Oh, Kevin. Look, you hurt yours. Kevin: Mom, it's a paper cut. Justin: Oh. Oh, God, that felt good. Kevin: I hear that. Bros over hos. At least you hit the right guy. Justin: Yeah, well, I have to admit, I didn't do it just for you. Unfortunately, when Rebecca and I broke up, it was our fault, so there was no one I could hit. Nora: Justin, you're going to find someone else. You are. Justin: All right. All right. Thank you. Kevin: Hey. Justin: Hey. Kitty: Hey. Nora: Kitty, are you all right? Kitty: Oh, it's... it's just, Jack and I broke up. Kevin: Really? Justin: I love that guy. Kevin: What happened? Kitty: Oh, you know, he wasn't that great, and nothing happened. It's just... I don't know. I guess it's just time for us to move on. Justin: That sucks. Kitty: Oh, you know, it's okay. I mean, I'm very glad I met him, but... I'm sorry, mom. I called the sitter as soon as he left so I could come over here. Kevin: I think someone needs a sundae. Kitty: Thank you. Nora: Yes, and this, too, honey. Kitty: Oh, thank you. Nora: I'm so sorry. Kitty: No. No, you know what? It's okay. This way, I don't have to go to Vietnam. Nora: Vietnam? Justin: Vietnam? Sarah: Hey! Justin: Uh-oh. Trouble. Kitty: Sarah. Nora: Sarah. Well, why are you here so late? Is everything all right? Sarh: Yeah, it's fine. It's good. It's great, actually. We just thought, um, after tonight that we should come over and give you hope. Justin: Sarah! Nora: Oh! Oh! Kitty: Kevin's in the pantry! Sarah: What? It's a car... Kitty: Kevin's in the pantry. Kevin't in the pantry. Kevin: Oh. Oh, great. So now the whole family has to come over to take pity on me? Sarah: Yeah. Uh... Yeah, how are you, Kevin? Kevin: Bad question. What's... what's going on? Sarah: Nothing. We just, um, we... we thought we'd come over for some sundae... ss. Justin: Yeah. Sundaes. Sarah: Love sundaes. Kevin: Could you stop lying? Sarah: I really don't think you want to know after... Kevin: Whatever it is, can you tell me, please? I'm serious, guys. You're all I have right now, so no more secrets. ♪ 3 Wishes ♪ by Dave Thomas Junior ♪ Listen Kevin: That is... Amazing. Sarah: Oh, I didn't want to tell you. Kevin: Come on. Are you kidding me?! Kevin: I love Luc. I'm so happy for you guys. Nora: Congratulations! Kevin: That's amazing. Kitty: Let's get this show on the road. Come on. Come on. Let's get the ice cream. Sarah: I know. I know. Kevin: Can I stay at yours tonight? Kitty: Uh, yeah, sure. I just got a new couch. Kevin: Great. Kitty: Bubbly. Bubbly! Nora: Oh, my goodness... No: Yesterday we did a lot of talking about marriage, and... I've been thinking. There's something else I'd like to say. The thing about a good marriage is, even if a terrible mistake happens, you just can't imagine your life with anyone else. That's why you commit to each other, that's why you make vows to each other... That, through the good or the bad, you just keep trying. You're fighting not only for love. You're fighting... for something bigger than either one of you. You're fighting for the family you've become. You're fighting... for the us you've become, and... that really is worth fighting for. Scotty: Hey. Kevin: Hi. Scotty: Where are you? I was worried about you. Kevin: I'm at Kitty's. I slept on the couch. Well, you know, I wouldn't call it sleeping. Scotty: More like barely achieving a semi-unconscious state? I know what you mean. Glad you had someplace to go. Kevin: Do you know what the hardest thing about this is? Whenever anything bad happens... you are the person I wanna talk to most. Scotty: Kev... do you want to come home? Kevin: No. Scotty: So what do we do now? Kevin: There's something I have to tell you. |
Sunday, 24 October 2010
Season 5 Episode 5
Call Mom
First Aired: 24/Oct/2010
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Scotty: What is going on with you? Kevin: I'm having coffee. Scotty: That's not what I mean. You didn't come to bed last night. Kevin: Oh, well, in case you hadn't noticed, I'm the only lawyer in my firm. I don't even have a secretary yet. Scotty: You're working too hard. I've barely seen you in the last two days. Kevin: Well, I'm on a losing streak, but I'm gonna turn that around. You know, before, it was all about helping rich people keep their money, but telling a squillionaire that he can't afford a second yacht isn't exactly the same as telling someone with a disability he's not gonna get his benefits. Scotty: You haven't lost all your cases. Kevin: True. I did tell a fifth grader he didn't have to go back to his drunken, abusive parents. That felt good. You know, so much of what I do seems to boil down to the fact that someone who shouldn't have had kids had kids. Scotty: It's awful, and it's completely unfair to the kids. Kevin: It's unfair to us. We can't go out and get drunk and knock each other up on a first date. We have to spend thousands of dollars on a surrogate, and we still wind up where we started. Scotty: You know, we could probably afford to try again if that's something... Kevin: Now? Scotty, I am so busy, I'd neglect you and the kid. Look, I'm... I'm just ranting. I got a phone call. Scotty: Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Promise me you won't work too hard. Come to bed tonight. I miss you. Scotty: As soon as my head hits the pillow, I'll be asleep. Scotty: Uh... that isn't exactly what I had in mind. Mm. Scotty: Okay. So what are you thinking for dessert? You could go crazy and do a heart-shaped strawberry torte kind of thing. Sarah: I don't really think I'm a heart-shaped strawberry torte kind of gal. Then again, you know what? Let's go with the torte. I want this picnic to be really romantic. I'm trying to reenact our... our first date. Scotty: Oh, that is so sweet. Um, uh, let me get you a recipe. Sarah: I hope I'm not in the way here. Scotty: No, no, it's fine. Sarah: Scotty, have you ever had a spray tan? Scotty: Excuse me? Sarah: Just... a weird thing happened this morning with me and Luc. Scotty: Weird how? Sarah: No, in-the-bedroom weird, between us. You know, he didn't want to do it. Scotty: Oh. Well, you know, that's... normal. Every couple goes through that. I mean, I'm sure it's not that bad. It's not like it's been weeks or anything. Oh, or, you know, even if it has been... Sarah: Do you think weeks is a long time? Scotty: No, you guys are busy with kids and lives, and there are plenty of reasons. It's not like he's getting it anywhere else. Sarah: You think he's getting it somewhere else? Scotty: Stop it, Sarah. You're making me nervous. Sarah: You're making me nervous. Scotty: Don't do this. Luc loves you. Sarah: I know, but I mean, maybe you're right. He... he does stay out late a lot. He says it's for work, but work these days for... for Luc is, you know, parties and spray tans. Scotty: Sarah, sometimes a spray tan is just a spray tan. Okay? Sarah: Yeah. Nora: Kevin, I don't know where you are or what you're doing, but I need you. I'm about to get smacked. Kevin: Hey! Nora: Kevin, where have you been? Kevin: What? Nora: Some kind of entourage you are. We're about ready to go on. Kevin: Okay. How are you feeling, confident? Nora: No. God, no. I can't go up against Dr. Alex. I can't do that, Kevin. Kevin: Okay, okay, mom, you're the underdog, no question about it, but that might be an advantage. This is all about likability. If there's one thing America likes, it's an underdog. Nora: I'm not ready. I can't do this. I'm not ready. Kevin: Are you kidding me? You're Nora Walker. You're ready for anything. Good. Okay. Now get out there and show 'em what you got. You never saw "Rocky"? Frank: Today we have a special show for you... "Dear mom homespun advice for better living." We have two moms, so don't hold back. They'll both be serving up their brand of apple pie just for you. To my right I have Nora Walker. Nora: Oh, that's... that's my turn. Okay, um, hi. I'm Nora Walker. I... I'm a homemaker from Pasadena, uh, the mother of... of five... and a cook. Well, I'm... I'm not a professional cook, but I do make the chocolate cheesecake for my son-in-law's restaurant. Frank: Great. Thank you, Nora. Nora: Okay. Frank: And to my left, we have acclaimed author and commentator... Dr. Alexandra Kirby. Alexandra: Author, commentator, and licensed therapist. Don't forget those three little letters, P-h-D. And I just want to remind everybody out there that my new book, "Moron-proof mothering," comes out next week. Frank: And the phone lines are already lighting up. You're on the air, caller. Who would you like to direct your question to? A caller: Oh, my God! Dr. Alex! I was so excited when I heard you were gonna be on the air today. Alexandra: Well, thank you, darlin'. A caller: When's the next time you're coming to Pittsburgh? We waited in line for, like, three hours to see you last... Sarah: ♪My love making it just fine.... ♪ Sarah: Hey, there. I am in the middle of making you a very, very special surprise. Luc, hello? Can you hear me? Luc: Oh, please. You're being ridiculous. Sarah: Well, I... I wouldn't say it's ridiculous. A little old-fashioned maybe, but... Luciana: Luc, darling, you were amazing. Luc: Me? It was all you. I was just laying there. Sarah: Luc? Luciana: Hmm. Are you busy later today? Luc: Well, I have this dinner thing, but I... Sarah: "Dinner thing"? I am making you a strawberry torte, you... Luciana: Fabulous! Then you, me, and a cabana at the hotel Venegas have a date. This afternoon, 3:00 p.m. Luc: Perfect. Sarah: Oh, my God. Scotty, it's me. Listen, we need to talk. Alexandra: The statistics back me up on this. Monitor your child's interactions with their peers. It'll help you avoid problems, and they'll thank you for it later. Nora: Uh, well, Dr. Alex, I appreciate that kind of diligence, but not every mother has the time. I mean, there comes a time when you just have to trust you've taught your children the difference between right and wrong and just let the pieces fall where they may. Alexandra: Well, callers, you've heard it here first. I guess there are some moms who don't believe their children are worth making whatever sacrifices are necessary. That is what you mean, isn't it, Nora? Nora: I... I don't... I don't think that's what I... I meant. N... no. Frank: Uh, let's take another call. Kevin(Devon): Oh, hi, yeah. Question for N... Nora Walker. Frank: Sure. Can I get your name, sir? Kevin(Devon): Well, uh, uh, yeah, it's, uh, Devon from L.A. Nora: Um, Devon, yes. Uh, so what's your question? Kevin(Devon): Uh, well, I was just thinking, you sound like someone who knows a lot about baking, so I was wondering if you could give me some hints about baking a cherry pie. Nora: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Well, if there's one thing I know about, it's cherry pies. This is actually a 2-part answer, Devon, because you've got your crust, and you've got your filling. Now if you... Alexandra: If I could just jump in here before we get to the recipe, Devon, who are you making this pie for? Kevin(Devon): Uh, it's... for my husband. Alexandra: Oh, I see. And what kind of pie is this? Kevin(Devon): Uh, what do you mean? Alexandra: I mean, is this a birthday pie, or a thank-you pie? It's not an apology pie, is it? Kevin(Devon): Yeah, actually, it is. Alexandra: What are you apologizing for, sweetheart? Kevin(Devon): I... I... I've... I've been distant, um, lately. Alexandra: Are you depressed? Kevin(Devon): No. G... no. I just think I'm disappointed. Um, it was a very hard year for us. We were trying for a baby. That didn't work out. It's just been a lot of things. I... that's not why I'm calling. Nora: Why don't we get back to the pie? Alexandra: I take it by distant that you're referring to the bedroom. Do you know what's been holding you back? Are you still attracted to him? Kevin(Devon): No, of course. It's just, I don't know. Somehow lately, it's all been feeling a little... Alexandra: Futile, maybe, because you and your partner aren't able to have children biologically? Kevin(Devon): Yeah, maybe. Alexandra: I've given it a name... wombenvy. Does that sound right? Kevin(Devon): Wow. Actually, it does. Alexandra: Well, Devon, believe it or not, I have a chapter in my new book on this very thing. All the answers are in my book, available online. Nora: Oh. Oh! Sorry. Sorry. Frank: Okay, thank you, Devon. Frank: Okay, we're gonna break for the news and be back with more "Dear mom" in just a few minutes. Alexandra: Oh! All this talking can make a girl thirsty. Nora, can I get you something to drink? Nora: No, no, not unless you've got a shot of Tequila in there, doctor. Alexandra: Oh, Nora, please. Call me Alexandra. Nora: Yes, Alexandra. Yes, fine. Kevin: Okay. Tough first couple of rounds, I admit it. Nora: Well, thank you so much. A lot of help you were. "Womb envy"? What were you thinking? Kevin: I... she's a siren. She seduced me with her birdlike voice. Nora: Look, I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't go up against her. I'm gonna tell Frank I'm sick, and let's just get out of here. Kevin: Mom, mom, come on. You can't just walk out of here. Nora: No one wants to listen to you if you aren't famous, and have a fancy title, and a string of letters behind your name. Kevin: Nora Walker, snap out of it right now. You're gonna let her hoity-toity education intimidate you? Nora: Yes. Yes, it's... it's a show of accomplishment. What the hell have I ever accomplished? Kevin: Me! That's what you've accomplished... me and Kitty and Sarah and Justin and Tommy. You raised a family, and you held it together in the face of remarkable odds, things that would've made an average mother crumble. And you did that without an entourage, or fancy statistics, or theories. You did that with love, and with your heart, and with your instincts. And if you'd seen what I have at work recently, you would know how rare that is. You have an amazing gift, mom, amazing, maybe the most precious there is. Nora: You really think that? Kevin: No, I know that, and this is your chance to share that with people beyond our family. You said you wanted it. Nora: I do, I do. Oh, I do. I want it so much. Kevin: Okay, so prove it, because the Nora Walker I know - would pulverize that big-haired windbag. Nora: Right, right. Kevin: Don't let her walk all over you. This is a fight you could win, and I could sure use a win right now. Nora: I can win this. Kevin: What do you say, mom? Nora: I can win this. Kevin: Yes, you can. Nora: I can't let this big windbag beat me. Kevin: No. Whoa. Easy. You're not gonna get another bathroom break for two hours. Spit. Good. Now go get 'em, slugger. Nora: Okay. Kevin: Just relax. Nora: I can do it. I'm relaxed. Alexandra: Hey. Nora, Kevin: Hi. Frank: Nora, you just need to make sure that this mic is muted when we're not on the air, otherwise, the whole building can hear you. Alexandra: Go get 'em, slugger. Sarah: It's Wednesday afternoon. Don't these people have jobs? Scotty: These people are too beautiful for work. Scotty: Okay, now I'm officially scarred. You know, Sarah, it's not too late to bail on this whole thing. Sarah: No, listen, I want to find out if what I heard is what I think I heard. Sarah: Where is that French man-slut? Sarah: Bingo. Come on, Scotty. Scotty: We could be at home making a heart-shaped torte, you know? Luc: Why, thank you. Sarah: Luc. Luc: Hey. What are you doing here? Sarah: Oh, I thought I'd come down and drink a glass of cristal and screw a teenager. How could you? Luc: This is not what you think it is. Sarah: Don't tell me that you're working on your tan, because we all know it's fake. Luc: Hey... She's a waitress. Sarah: What? Scotty: Ah, come on, Sarah. Let's do this somewhere else. Sarah: Who are you exactly? Luciana: I'm Luciana. I took some pictures of your Luc for our new swim-wear line. Sarah: I'm such an idiot. Um, I'm... I'm... Luc: It's just... just a meeting. Sarah: I've made a horrible mistake. I do apologize. Um, for the... Luciana: Oh, of course. I understand. I have a husband, too. Sarah: I'm so sorry. Luc: Hey, Sarah, wait, wait, wait. Sarah: No, no, no, just... Luc... I messed up. I'm really sorry. Scotty: So... I should... I should get her. Excuse me. Alexandra: I'm sorry to say this, darling, but it sounds like your friend is two sandwiches short of a picnic. B caller: You know, that's what my husband said. I knew you'd see my side of things. Kevin: Hey, Kit. Kitty: Hi, Kev. Where is mom? She... she's not at home. She's not answering her cell, and I really need to talk to her. Alexandra: And if that doesn't help you, sugar, all the answers are in my book. | ||
Frank: Okay, next up is Catherine, calling from Pasadena. Kitty(Catherine): Uh, hi. Yes, this one's for Nora Walker. I recently lost my husband. Nora: Well, Catherine, that... that sounds like a very hard situation. Kitty(Catherine): Yes, but I met another man. Nora: You did? Well, that's wonderful. Kitty(Catherine): Yeah, but when things got too close... You know what I mean? I couldn't do it. I mean, I literally could not do it. And I... I panicked... and I ran away. Nora: Oh... what are you feeling now? Kitty(Catherine): Well, I feel sad, I feel guilty, and... I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I'm never gonna get out of this fog that I'm in, and I'm afraid that I'm never gonna be able to be with another man. Nora: Oh, honey... uh, Catherine, dear... Alexandra: You know, Catherine, most people consider a year to be the minimum waiting period. Statistics show... Nora: Well, that's all Jim dandy, peachy keen, Dr. Alex, but statistics can't hold your hand at night or... or share a cup of coffee with you in the morning. Do you have any idea how hard it is to lose a husband? Alexandra: I... Nora: Well, I do, and so I know. Listen, Catherine, you're grieving, not only for the husband you lost, but for the life you had envisioned. You're grieving for the future and all the plans and dreams you had in your head. And now that's all... gone. There's a wonderful saying... you have to give up the life you've planned... to find the life that's waiting for you. Justin: Hey, Kev. Talk fast. I'm meeting this girl, in, uh, in five minutes. Kevin: Are you listening to this? Justin: Listening to what? Kevin: Mom's on the radio. 730 AM. Justin: Mom's on the radio? Nora: All... all our lives, we... we grow by giving up things... by loss and... and moving on... Kevin: Okay, bye. Nora: Big things, little ones. How we handle those losses really defines who are. Where are you now, Kitty... Catherine? Kitty(Catherine): I'm at my mom's house. Nora: Great. Great. Good idea. That's a really good idea. But listen, you don't really need her to tell you what to do. All you need from her is just to listen, that's all, a place where you can talk out loud so you can hear what you really think, what you think, not... her. You'll know what to do and what not to do, 'cause that's all right, too. And you'll know when it's time to move on. Nora: And to the gentleman who called in earlier with the womb envy... Devon... what the hell is that anyway? You don't want a womb. You want a child. You tried, and it didn't work out, and that loss, or disappointment, as you put it, is just as real as Catherine's. So is the grief and sadness, and if you don't acknowledge it and feel it, it will never get out of your way. Unacknowledged feelings are like a drunken cousin at a family reunion. They never shut up so you can hear anyone else. And you have to be able to hear what's next in your life, what path you might want to travel down, with or without children. You have to be able to see what's right there... right there, right in front of your eyes. Did you hear that, Catherine? Kitty(Catherine): Uh... Scotty: Catherine? Kitty(Catherine): I have to go, mom. Scotty: I thought you were gonna try to get to bed early tonight. Kevin: Yeah. Uh, we need to talk. Scotty: Okay. What's... what's going on? Kevin: I've been afraid for, uh, the last few months, and because I've been afraid, I've... been trying to do everything to avoid the future. Scotty: Okay, now you're freaking me out. Should I be afraid? Kevin: No. Uh, no, you shouldn't. Um... neither of us should be, because we are happy, and we're in love, and... Did you hear mom on the radio today? Scotty: Oh, uh, yeah, I... I... Kevin: She was amazing, and it hit me... being a good parent, it's the greatest gift anyone can give. And we are gonna be great parents, Scotty. Scotty: O... oh, Kevin... Kevin: I think we should foster. I think we should adopt a child, because I read these files every day, and there are so many kids out there who need help. I just think now is the right time. What do you think? Scotty: God, Kevin, I... I... I... I... I guess I... I'm not, um, ready for this. Kevin: But we are ready. I know we are. Scotty: No, it's not that. I think it's a... I think it's a great idea. I just... That's not the problem, Kevin. Kevin: Okay. Just tell me what the problem is so we can fix it. Scotty: We... can't. Kevin: What are you talking about? Scotty: I did something, Kevin. There was someone else. Kevin: What do you mean? Scotty: It was one time. It was months ago. I didn't want to hurt you, so I didn't tell you. I would do anything in the world to take it back. I'm so sorry. Kevin, say something. |
Sunday, 17 October 2010
Season 5 Episode 4
Righteous Kiss First Aired: 17/Oct/2010 | ||
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Kevin: Just calling to see how it's going up there. Kitty: Everything's... Everything's fine. Kevin: You sure? What's that sound? Kitty: I'm just pounding a very stubborn pole. Kevin: Ooh. Really? I once spent a hot weekend in Aspen with a guy from Warsaw. Saul: It's nine O'clock in the morning. That's gross. Kitty: I am pounding a wooden post... into the ground because I am helping to build a pergola on Pondfield road. Kevin: Okay, whatever it is you're trying to hide, you're gonna have to come up with a better story. Kitty: Okay, go to video, and I'll prove it. Kevin: Going video. Kitty: Okay. Do you see this cut? Mm-hmm. I made that cut. How many former senatorial candidates do you know that could make a cut like that? Kevin: Wait, is that Jack, the guy I met, the one you cooked dinner for? Scotty: Kitty cooked dinner for a guy? I'm impressed. Kevin: So did this pounding start this morning, or was it continuous? Kitty: This morning. This morning, okay? And... and... this is purely professional. I am the apprentice, and he is the boss. Jack: That Kevin? Kevin: Oh, let me say hi. Kitty: All right. Well, you behave yourself. Jack: Hey. How's it going? Scotty: Hi, I'm Scotty. Jack: Hey, Scotty. Nice to meet you. Kitty: Okay. That's enough. Scotty: Nice work, Kitty. I'm impressed. Kitty: You know what? There is zero going on up here. I am just helping him with a job. Kevin: Come on! Give us another look! Kitty: No. This is not a peep show. Kevin: Oh. Speaking of shows, are we seeing you at Cooper's play? Kitty: No, I-I'm not gonna leave here for a while. Sarah is fine with it, and I sent Cooper cookies. Now if you'll excuse me, my poles need to be drilled. Kevin: All right, I'm done harassing her for the day. Now it's your turn. If she can get that far out of her comfort zone, I think you could invite your friend to Coop's stage debut. Saul: Please. I am not inviting Charlie to a family affair. We're just friends. Scotty: Okay, seeing somebody three times a week is pretty advanced for a friend. Kevin: Yeah, aren't you, uh, aren't you having brunch with him today? Saul: Yeah, so? Scotty: Yeah. Do you always spray on a little Acqua di Parma for a casual brunch? Kevin: Take the cashmere out of the cedar closet? Scotty: Wind up the Patek Philippe? Kevin: Ooh, brush off the suede loafers? Scotty: Trim your cuticles? Saul: Would you stop? Just stop. Stop. Has it ever occurred to you that perhaps he doesn't like me as much as I like him? Scotty: Oh, come on. How could he not? Saul: I don't know, but until there's incontrovertible proof that he does, I am not inviting him to my great nephew's production of "Romeo and Juliet," and that's it. And just shut up. Scotty: Oh. Sarah: Okay, uh, where's my grommet puncher? I just had it. It was just here a second ago. You have it. Kevin: That's my grommet puncher. Keep track of your own grommet puncher. Sarah: Well, where is mine? I can't finish lady capulet's dress without a grommet puncher. Charlie: It's right here, Sarah. Sarah: Thank you, Charlie. And thank you for giving up your brunch to come and help me with my wardrobe crisis. Charlie: It's no problem whatsoever. You've eaten one eggs florentine, you've eaten 'em all. Saul: Right, and I'm very happy to pinch hit when my sister's on a mission of mercy. Kevin: Well, it took us two crises to finally meet you, Charlie. Charlie: Before we have a third, Kevin, might I suggest that when you're fixing a skirt to a doublet, you may want to try a cartridge pleat. Kevin: Well, I thought with velvet this heavy, I'd be better off basting and gathering. Charlie: Ah. Ha, Juliet's done. Let me get my hands on Mercutio. Sarah: Oh, my God. Charlie, this beading is extraordinary. Charlie: Well, I guess the hours I spent slaving in the costume mines of the Paris opera are finally paying off. Saul: Wait a minute. You... you made costumes at the Paris opera? Charlie: Well, just for a semester... When I was studying at the Sorbonne, '65. Saul: '65 was the year Renata Tebaldi sang "Lucia di Lammmermoor." Charlie: The performance where she held the high C of "il dolce suono"... Saul: Right. Charlie: For a minute and a half. Saul: Right, they had to flash the lights to get the crowd to stop cheering. Charlie: Didn't stop me. Saul: You heard it? Charlie: I heard it from the costume shop, but I heard it. Sarah: Oh, my God. Look at the time. I can feel the claws of Gloria Pierson-Davenport into my flesh. Ah. Nice timing, Cooper. Come here. I wanna make sure this doublet's long enough on you. Cooper: You should be checking to see if it's long enough for Ricky Berkowitz. Sarah: Why? Who's Ricky Berkowitz? Cooper: The understudy. He's the one who's gonna need the costume, 'cause I'm quitting the stupid play. Kevin: Cooper is back in the play. Yeah, Luc saved the day. Scotty: Saul, call Charlie. He'll be thrilled. Saul: Scotty, Scotty, Scotty, what have you done? You've ruined the soup. There's enough cumin in here to choke a camel. Scotty: Relax. It's an experiment. Kevin: Mmm. What is with you? It's obvious Charlie's crazy about you. Scotty: Yeah, he made half the costumes. How can you not invite him? Saul: Because I'm crazy about him, too. That's how. And... and... Kevin: And what? Saul: And... And I haven't told him that I'm... I mean, I wanted to. It just hasn't come up. We have these insane discussions about travel and opera and... and... and wine and... and new wave French cinema. It... I mean, what was I supposed to say? "Oh, Charlie, you know those great nim scenes from "the 'last year at Marienbad'? Oh, by the way, I'm... I'm HIV Positive." Kevin: Saul, I-I think in this day and age, two mature, intelligent men can negotiate-oh, Saul: Come on, Kevin. That's not the issue. It's not the issue. I'm afraid that if I tell him, I won't have him anymore. Kevin: If you don't tell him, you won't have him anyway. Narrator: Two households, both alike in dignity, in fair verona, where we lay our scene... Sarah: Stunning job on the scenery, Gloria. Gloria: Thank you. Narrator: A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life. Whose misadventured piteous overthrows... Kevin: That one's mine. Lady: Oh, you must be so proud. Kevin: Yeah. The velvet on that doublet was impossible to work with. Narrator: ...Not remove. If which you with patient ears attend, what you shall miss our toil shall strive amend. Cooper: Is the day so young? Walkers: Yey! Wow! Ho,ho! Yey! Someone: Shhhhh. Cooper: What lady is that, which doth enrich the hand of yonder knight? O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright. Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night. Boy (Playinig Tybalt): This, by his voice, should be a Montague. To strike him dead, I hold it not a sin. Cooper: Have not saints lips, and holy Palmers, too? Margaret: Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must be used in prayer... Kevin: This is it. This is when they kiss. Scotty: I know the play, you know? Sarah: Shh. Shh. Cooper: They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair. Margaret: Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake. Cooper: Then move not while my prayer's effect I take. Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged. Audience: Oh! Sarah: Of course I will pay for any cost incurred... Gloria: Well, that's not gonna help that traumatized little girl. Sarah: Well, I-I don't think she'll be too traumatized. Cooper apologized to her, and he says she's fine, and she's backstage eating pizza. Bitsy: Well, she wouldn't be the first female to self-medicate with carbohydrates. Sarah: Well, I'm sure she's a little embarrassed, but she'll be fine. Gloria: How can you be sure about somebody else's child when you obviously have no control over your own? Sarah: Well, I will be talking to Cooper. And I will tell him in no uncertain terms that he crossed a boundary tonight. Gloria: I don't think I'm looking at the best source for a lesson in boundaries. Betsy: Well, with the images of a nearly naked co-parent plastered on every billboard in town. Gloria: I think what we saw here tonight is the direct result of being raised in an oversexualized home. Sarah: You're right. You are absolutely right. What... what a terrible, terrible thing I've done to my children. Terrible. I'm so sorry about that. How completely irresponsible of me to have shacked up with a slightly younger artist who I am passionately and deeply in love with instead of snaring a considerably older gazillionaire with pending indictments on how many charges of tax evasion and mail fraud? And you, Gloria, I really should've raised my children exactly the way you have. How I envy the structure of your household. Week in and week out, we all know every Tuesday, it's the pool boy in the guest house. Come Thursday, it's landscape dude up there in the library. Why I think you're probably the last woman in southern California that actually has a milkman. Luc: Sarah, is everything okay? Sarah: It's fine. In fact, you know what? It's great. Come over here, you sexy French beast. Let's go home and do some nearly naked co-parenting. Charlie: Shakespeare has certainly changed since I was in school. Saul: Charlie... Everything's changed since we were in school. Charlie: I played Romeo once in college. Saul: You did? And I played third spear carrier from the left, and I dropped it. Charlie: You know, there are certain lines I've never forgotten. O, that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek. Saul: Ummmm. Charlie: So are you sure you want to do this? Saul: I'm positive. I'm HIV Positive, Charlie. I'm sorry. I should've told you sooner. Are you angry at me? Charlie: Anger is the last thing I feel for you. Saul... It's not that I'm afraid that if I kiss you, I'll get sick. I lived with a man for 20 years. And for the last ten, he was... Struggling with AIDS I was with him every day till he died. I don't have it in me to do that again. Saul: Yeah, but my health has never been better. I mean, come on. Cholesterol will get me before HIV does. Charlie: I know. I know. But... I know myself. I'm not strong enough to take the risk. Saul: You loved him. Charlie: Yes. Saul: Yeah. I'm glad for you. I'm glad you had that in your life. I was beginning to think that maybe I could have that, too. Charlie: I'm sorry. Saul: So am I. Kevin: He couldn't handle it, huh? Saul: No, he... he couldn't even finish his cognac. Scotty: Oh, Saul, I'm so sorry. Kevin: Yeah, we pushed you into it. Scotty: Yeah, practically at gunpoint. Saul: Come on. If you hadn't pushed me, I'd probably still be standing at the edge of that cliff, afraid to jump. So I jumped, I hit the rocks, it hurt like hell, and I'm still standing. Can I have that stapler, please? Scotty: Oh, you don't have to do the accounts right now. Take the day off. Kevin: Yeah, go swimming at Nora's. Scotty: Yeah. Saul: Would you stop? I'm fine. I'm fi... I'm better than fine. Look, I realized how lucky I am, okay? Charlie's lover died. I've been symptom free for probably 30 years, and we know that could change, right? So the next time I'm on the edge of that cliff, I'll probably leap even faster. Just... just keep pushing me. I could always use a little shove. Kevin: Really? Saul: Yeah. Kevin: Well, I know this lawyer. He's about your age... Saul: Kevin, just relax. Kevin: Okay. Scotty: Oh, not Stanley? Oh, that's such a good idea. Saul: Who's Stanley? Kevin: Uh, I'm gonna be in my office. Just let me know if you want to go bungee jumping. Saul: Who's Stanley? Wait. Who's Stanley? |
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