It's a good thing we are married (S3E10)

Season 3 Episode 10 - music

Just A Sliver First Aired: 07/Dec/2008

"A New Thought For Christmas" (2008)

"Glorious" by Melissa Etheridge Thanksgiving dinner at hospital canteen. Lyrics: Windshields kissed with snow On this endless interstate Over the fields we go Laughing all the way We sing love, love, love, It's glorious Friends and family near No more judgments, no more fear All is calm, all is bright Everyone will hold this light And sing love, love, love, It's glorious Sleep in heavenly, in heavenly Sleep in heavenly, in heavenly Believe in heavenly, in heavenly peace I have heard the angels Ssweetly singing d'er the plain And I've heard the mountains Echoing their sweet refrain They sing love, love, Love, love, love, It's glorious Love, love, love, It's glorious Love, love, love, It's glorious Sleep in heavenly, in heavenly Sleep in heavenly, in heavenly Believe in heavenly, in heavenly peace

Season 3 Episode 10 - music

Just A Sliver First Aired: 07/Dec/2008

"Elephants...Teeth Sinking Into Heart" (2008)

"Duet" by Rachael Yamagata ft Ray Lamontagne Kevin & Scotty are talking and comfort each other. Lyrics: Oh lover, hold on Till I come back again For these arms are growing tired And my tales are wearing thin If you're patient I will surprise And when you wake up, I'll have come All the anger will settle down And we'll go do all the things we should've done Cuz I remember what we said As we lay down to bed I'll be here if you will only come back home Oh lover, I'm lost Because the road I've chosen beckons me away Oh lover, I've done you wrong And now I'm fighting words I never thought I'd say But I remember what we said As we lay down to bed I'll forgive you all if you just come back home Mmmhhhmmm... Oh lover, I know You'll be out there and be thinking just of me I will find you down the road And we'll return back home to where we're meant to be Cuz I remember what we said As we lay down to bed We'll be back as soon as we make history

Season 3 Episode 10

Just A Sliver First Aired: 07/Dec/2008

<< S3E9 S3E11 >>

Kevin: Oh, wow. I think I have blisters. Scotty: You wanted to lose 5 pounds so you could gain it back for Thanksgiving. Kevin: How far did we run? Scotty: Two miles. Kevin: Two miles? That's it, two miles? Scotty: Yeah. Kevin: That felt like 22. Oh, it's Tommy. Scotty: He fired you months ago. Get over it. Kevin: How would you like it if your own brother fired you? Scotty: I don't have a brother. Stop being so childish. Kevin: You stop being so childish. Hey. Scotty: This hospital has the worst food. I mean, it's not even food. It's some horrible facsimile of food. Kevin: Don't be too hard on it. It may be my last meal. Or Justin's. Justin: That's not funny, bro. Scotty: No. Kevin: I was... Tommy: There you are. Listen, I just spoke to the doctors, and she needs the transplant. Justin: Oh, God, Tommy. Are you okay? Tommy: Yeah. I'm fine. Everything's fine. Kevin, it's you. Kevin: Really? Tommy: Yeah. Kevin: Okay. Tommy: They wanna run some more tests, make sure you've never had hepatitis. Stuff like that. Kevin: Yeah. Sure. Justin: Congratulations. Tommy: Look, he can pass out cigars later. We... We gotta get to the lab. Kevin: Sure. I'Il... I'll see you later. Scotty: Yeah. Justin: You okay? Scotty: No. Are you? Justin: No, not really. Scotty: Hey. Umm, I'm gonna go home and get some stuff for Kevin. Nora: Oh, no, no. Let me go. You stay here. Scotty: No, you won't be able to find anything. Nora: Well, I'll find it if you tell me where it is. Oh, Justin, why don't you guys come with me? Justin: I just told you I wanna stay. Nora: Well, go out for a walk there. Rebecca: Yeah, let's go for a walk. Justin: I don't want a walk, okay? I want another bag of chips. Scotty: Um.. well, thanks. I'll make a list for you. Nora: Okay. Scotty: Hi. Oh, look, Sarah. This room is lovely. Sarah: Hi. I wouldn't know, Ma. It's pretty hard to see through the forest. Nora: Well, honey, just put it down over there. Sarah: Hey. Nora: Where's Kevin? Kevin: Right here. Nora: Hi, honey. How you doing? Sarah: Hey. Kevin: Hey, I'm fine. Well, I'm wearing a dress with no backside. I've been better. Nora: Well, I brought everything you wanted from home. Sarah: And then some. Nora: Yeah. So let's see what we have here. Your dop kit. Kevin: Great. Nora: And your pajamas. Scotty: Oh, Nora. Those aren't his pajamas. These are my pajamas. I should've gone... Kevin: Scotty, it's okay. I love your pajamas. Scotty: Yeah? It's okay. Sarah: Here's your iPod. Kevin: Thank you. Justin: Oh, that's great. We can listen to show tunes all night. Nora: Whatever Kevin wants. Sarah: Okay, I'm ordering Chinese. Kevin: I can't eat anything. Sarah: I know. That's why I'm gonna order shrimp, because you're allergic. Kevin: How thoughtful. Scotty: I don't think I could eat a thing...... Sarah: I'd like to place an order, please. One shrimp lo mein, one special fried rice with shrimp. What do you want, Justin? Justin: Beef with broccoli. Sarah: Two beef and broccoli, with shrimp. Kevin: Sarah, you don't have to order everything with shrimp. I'm not even hungry. Sarah: No, that'll be a pickup. Thank you. Nora: When are they taking you in in the morning. Kevin: Oh, some awful hour like 5. Scotty: Kevin, I think what you're doing is incredible. I don't think I would be so brave. Kevin: Well, you're not a morning person, honey. Nora: No, Kevin. You're being amazing. Kevin: I am amazing. Nora: Hi, Tommy. Sarah: Hey, Tommy. You hungry? I just ordered Chinese. You can have shrimp, shrimp or shrimp. Tommy: Well, you must be happy, Mom. Nora: Why on Earth would I be happy? Tommy: Everybody's here, together, for Thanksgiving, just the way you wanted it. Sarah: Tommy, that's not fair. Tommy: Well, then stop treating this like one of your dinner parties. I mean, this isn't another Walker family get-together. Nora: Tommy, that's not what we're doing. Tommy: Just enjoy your dinner. Kevin: Are you asleep? Scotty: No. Are you? Kevin: No. Wow, you look like you're in the first-class cabin of Swiss air. Seeing as I'm awake, I might as well sign some of these forms. Can you pass me that pen, please? Thank you. Scotty: What are they for? Kevin: Everything. This one's authorization of payment. Scotty: Payment? You're giving them a piece of your liver. Isn't that enough? Kevin: Oh, no. No good deed goes unpunished. Informed consent. They wanna make sure I'm aware of all the risks involved, which include: " Loss of limb function, paralysis, stroke, brain damage... " Scotty: Okay, good. Thank you. Moving on. Kevin: Hopefully, I'll end up with a scar and nothing else. Scotty: Well, I like scars. I think they're sexy. Kevin: This one needs to be notarized. Scotty: Notarize? What is it? Kevin: Power of attorney. Scotty: You're an attorney. Kevin: Not if I'm on life support. And as my husband, you'd be in charge of pulling the plug or not. Scotty: Okay, this is all starting to get a little too... um... real. Kevin: Yeah, I might sign that one in the morning. It's a good thing we are married. If it was up to my mother, she'd never pull the plug, and I'd be a vegetable for all eternity. Scotty: It's not funny, Kevin. Kevin: I know it's not funny, but please don't get serious on me now. We have the whole operation to get through. Scotty: I'm sorry. I'm just... I'm scared. ♪ Duet ♪ by Rachael Yamagata ft Ray Lamontagne ♪ Listen Kevin: I know. Come here. Everything is gonna be fine. I promise you. Scotty: I know. Kevin: Come on. Scotty: Oh. Sarah: Oh, here he is. Nora: Hey. Sarah: Is he under yet? Scotty: He's on a drip. He's high as a kite. Justin: Oh, there he is. Sarah: Oh, no, here he is. Saul: Hey, buddy boy. Kevin: My whole family is here. That's so nice. Nora: Kevin, sweetie, it's gonna be over before you know it. Just relax. Kevin: Mom, they shaved my chest. I look like Michael Phelps. Kitty: I think he's pretty relaxed. Scotty: I'm gonna be the first person you see when you wake up. Kevin: Okay, tell them to take a little off the sides. Scotty: Whatever you want. Kevin: Ahh. Kitty: Okay, good luck. Justin: Good luck, bro. Sarah: Bye, Kev. Kevin: Bye. Justin: What? Oh, my gosh. Scotty: Here they are. Julia: Oh, my God. It's Thanksgiving. Nora: Yes. Tommy: I can't believe you did this. Sarah: Well, we decided the bird was ambulatory, so we dressed him up, drove him in. Kitty: Hey, guys. Sorry. Sorry I'm late, but here is the lime Jell-O with walnuts and bananas. I have no idea what that has to do with Thanksgiving, but I'm not gonna eat it. Justin: I think it actually comes, like, from early colonial times. It was something with... Something to do with scurvy. Nora: It's Justin's favorite is what it is. Justin: Yeah. Kitty: Shut up. Saul: Kitty, it was very nice for Robert to come. Kitty: Oh, come on, Saul. Don't be sarcastic. He's got his whole family in town, and... Saul: Excuse me. I wasn't being sarcastic. It was very nice for Robert to come. Kitty: Robert. Hey, how are you? Robert: Hi, honey. Kitty: You didn't have to come. Robert: Yes, I did. I missed you. Kitty: Are you... Are you hungry? Robert: Yes. Kitty: So how's Kevin doing? I haven't seen him today. Scotty: Oh, you know, he's grumpy when he's awake, and he moans when he's asleep, which he's doing right now. Sarah: Everybody grab a chair and assume your usual positions. Oh, except for Justin. We decided to let you sit at the big person's table this year. Saul: No. No, no. Justin: Yes. I made it. Uncle Saul, I made it. Rebecca: I forgot to tell you, those nurses send their compliments to the chef. Nora: Oh. ♪ Glorious ♪ by Melissa Etheridge ♪ Listen Saul: Okay, everybody, attention. I have a bottle of sparkling apple cider, and it's an excellent year. Sarah: You know, everybody in this building is on some kind of drug, and we can't even drink. That's not fair. Robert: And that's not sparkling cider. Sarah: Oh... I'd like to try the sparkling apple cider, Uncle Saul. Saul: Some sparkling apple cider for sister Sarah, please. Kitty: Since when did you two become Amish? Nora: Rebecca, you don't have anything on your plate. Rebecca: I'm saving room because we're going to my mom's later. Saul: Certainly hasn't been stopping Justin, has it? Rebecca: Yeah, seriously. Justin: I just don't want to hurt Mom's feelings. Scotty: Julia, could you pass me the cranberry sauce? Justin: Oh, I think I may have finished that. Rebecca: Justin. Justin: What? I mean, I can give you some of my cran... Scotty: No, that's fine. Nora: You know, I've got a toast. To Elizabeth, my strong, little granddaughter, who, this year, out of all the Thanksgivings we've spent together, has given us so much to be thankful for. Julia: Thank you. All: To Elizabeth. Sarah: Oh, and I'd like to propose a toast to Paige and Cooper, who couldn't be here. You know, I've had a little taste of why Mom was so disappointed at the idea of not having Thanksgiving with her children. So to Mom, thank you for this fabulous meal. All: Yeah. All: To Nora. All: Cheers. All: Thank you. Kitty: Okay, I have... I have one more toast. Sorry, just one more. Every Thanksgiving, when Mom asks Kevin if he would like a piece of pie, Kevin always says the same thing, and then he proceeds to eat half of the pie all by himself. Nora: So true. Kitty: So here's to Kevin, who this year, gave new meaning to the phrase: "Just a sliver. " All: Ohh. Saul: Just an ... Kevin: That is the worst, most tasteless toast I have ever heard. Nora: Oh, Kevin. Kevin: Hey, Mom. Nora: Look at him. Justin: How you feeling? Kevin: I'm fine. Just a bit. Kitty: Oh, no, no. Nora: No, no, no. You don't want any sparkling apple cider.

Season 3 Episode 9

Unfinished Business First Aired: 30/Nov/2008

<< S3E8 S3E10 >>

Nora: We get start on this side of the house first. This is the center's kitchen. Scotty: Wow. Kevin: Yeah, and not in a good way. Justin: Hey, Ma, you know, these tiles are kind of grotty. Saul: You're just noticing the tiles? Nora: That's easy to fix. I've got some great books on restoration and renovation. You all can help me pick a look. Come on. Justin: Yay. Nora: This will be the heart and soul of the center. The great room. Kevin: If this is the great room, I'd hate to see the good room. Justin: You keep calling it "the center. " It sounds like a cult. You need a proper name for this place. Saul: Yeah, Nora, and make sure it's not Cancer House. Scotty: How about Roach Motel? Nora: All right, you guys. Everyone, stop. You just need to have a little vision. Go with me on this. Okay. Now, we'll put a TV and some nice chairs over there, and then over there in that corner will be, like, a rec room, with a ping-pong table and video games. Justin: Mom, what's with all the power tools? Nora: Ah, yes. I, I met with a contractor who had the audacity to quote me $60,000 for interior demolition alone. Saul: Oh. Justin: Wow. Scotty: Ouch. Nora: Yeah, so I thought maybe we could do it ourselves. Justin: Excuse me? Saul: "We" as in we here in this room? Nora: Oh, Sarah and Kitty will be joining us later and that'll be great. Tommy's out of town. It's really not that big a deal. Honestly. I mean, we just need to, you know, knock out these two little wall things and some stuff back there, air it all out. It's really just some basic demolition. Saul: No, basic demolition is what we do to each other at dinner after we've had copious amounts of wine. Justin: You can't mix that with power tools. Kevin: Plus, you know what? It's our day off. And I don't know if you're familiar with the term. It means no work. Nora: No, work? No, no. Oh, this will be so much fun. Do you know how many calories you're gonna burn? Kevin: Know what? I'd rather take a spin class. Saul: Nora, you said "tour. " You said "architectural tour. " Justin: Yeah. Nora: I said it would include a tour. Oh, Saul, you and William built Ojai from nothing. Why can't we do that here? Build another family legacy. Something that will live on way past us, something that doesn't include Holly. I've never done anything like this before. I've never believed in anything so strongly. This is my Ojai. Kevin: Well... Justin: Ma, you realize that Ojai wasn't built in a day, though? Kevin: Yeah, and you can't just knock down a wall. You have to consider electrical, plumbing. Nora: Oh, I have consi... I have walked through this entire house with the contractor taking copious notes. Bearing walls, electrical, plumbing. I've put it all down here on the floor plan. It's all marked. It is... Guys, this isn't brain surgery. Kevin: Okay, does anyone know how much asbestos is too much? Justin: Whoa! Nora: You know, in a few months, when an actual family is living in this big, beautiful, warm, friendly home, you all are gonna feel so proud about all this hard work you're doing here today. Scotty: Oh, dear. Nora: Oh, dear what? Scotty: It looks like you have a termite infestation. Kevin: Since when do you know anything about infestations? Scotty: I used to work for a carpenter every summer when I was in high school. I can chisel, drill and plane. Kevin: That is hot. Saul: All right, look, Nora, this is it. I think at this point, we should reevaluate. Justin: Yeah, mom, and maybe eat some lunch. Kevin: And get some air, because this dust is really giving me a migraine. Nora: Here. Take some aspirin. Eat a protein bar. Saul: Yeah. Nora: Anything else? Saul: A glass of Pinot Grigio. Kevin: Oh. Justin: Hey, mom, look at this stain. It looks like this might be water damage. Kevin: Justin, would you concentrate what you doing? I think that thing looks rotten. Justin: I am concentrating. If you know so much about it, why don't you come here and do it? Kevin: I can't because my spirit's broken. I don't even know why I'm here anymore. Nora: You're here to help families with sick children. Think about that when you work. Ugh. You know what? I don't think there's even any pipes near that section, not on the plans. Look, it must be just some sort of weird discoloration. Kevin: Do you even know how to read plans? Saul: Scotty, watch it. Kevin: For God's sake, you almost killed him. Justin: I'm sorry, Kevin. Are you all right, Scotty? Scotty: Guys, guys, I'm fine. I'm trying to achieve a state of Zen. Nora: Thank you, Scotty. Scotty: I said I'm trying. Rebecca: Hey, everyone. I ran into the pizza guy out front. So um, we have two veggie and two everything, and it's on me. Nora: No, no, no. I ordered it. I'll pay for it. Rebecca: No, no. I wanted to, because I just got a promotion. Nora: Wow, honey. Congratulations. Justin: You did? Rebecca: Mm-hm. Thanks. I'm gonna be working advertising at Walker Landing. So basically I coordinate with the ad agency, oversee special projects. Kevin: That's huge, you know? Rebecca: Yeah. Kevin: Temp one day, exec the next? Rebecca: Yeah, well, I mean, it's not that sudden. Saul: No, and if Tommy feels you're ready, well, then I guess you are. Rebecca: Yeah, yeah. Well, actually, He's out of town but my mom thinks that it should be fine, so... Saul: Hmm... Rebecca: Yeah. What's with all the looks? Nora: Ah. Scotty: I'm just hungry. Kevin: Mmm, starving. Justin: Becca, you gotta admit, you're not exactly qualified for that. Rebecca: About as qualified as you four are to do construction. Justin: I didn't... Rebecca: It's a great house, Nora. Nora: No, wait. You're not going, are you? Rebecca: Well, seeing as I'm not qualified for my new job, I should go home and brush up on my new responsibilities. Justin: Rebecca, I didn't mean it like... Rebecca: I'm going home. We'll talk later. Scotty: Thank you for the pizza, Re..be..cca. Kevin: Looks like you're staying at mom's. Scotty: Senator, a hand would be nice. Robert: Secretary of state trumps carpets. Kevin: Wait, what are you doing here? You have to go. Justin: What are you doing? We need him. Kevin: I'm doing my job. Robert: Look, it's okay. I can multitask. Scotty: Good, Then multitask away. Justin: Guys, here's the deal: Why don't we just open this window and throw the carpet out there? Scotty: That's leaded glass, doesn't open. Only decent thing in this dump. Do you really wanna break it? Saul: Yes. I'll pay for a new one. I have never been more serious in my life. I have no intentions of ever touching this carpet again. Nora: Oh. Sarah: Oh. Kitty: Oh, mom. Mom! Nora: Oh, oh, oh. Robert: Everybody okay? Nora: Oh. Kitty: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, we're okay. Nora: No. No. Kevin: Mom. Mom, look, I'm sure, you know, someone will be able to fix this. I mean, you know, obviously not us. Sarah: Right. A contractor. Kevin: I'm sure someone can, maybe. Nora: I could've killed myself. I could've killed one of you. Sarah: Oh, come on, mom. It's... Nora: No, this house is nothing but rotten wood. You all tried to tell me. The moldy walls, the collapsing ceiling. I was just too stubborn to listen. I, I thought we could save it, our special family project, My... Kitty: Mom. Mom. Hey, you know what? You're right. This house is a... Well, it's a mess. It's a complete and utter mess. Nora: I just said that, Kitty. Scotty: Yes, you did, but you know what? Maybe that's okay. Maybe that's okay. I mean, a lot of great things come out of messy, complicated situations because, you know, they're just meant to be, right? Kevin: Yeah, but, you know, there's a lot to be said for clean, orderly, simple... Kitty: No, come on, Kevin. You love complicated. You... Why did you go to work for Robert? Scotty: Oh, because he didn't make partner. Kevin: What? No, I wanted to make a difference. Kitty: Right. Right. Because mom has always taught us, for better or for worse, that complicated things can.. can be good. All:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Robert: Yeah. I get the argument. Kitty: Of course you agree, because you ran for president. Nothing simple about that. And then there's Sarah. Sarah's in business with two teenagers, for God's sake. Sarah: Well, they're 28. Kitty: She goes out to dinner with her ex boy-toy, she kisses him, she gets a million dollars. I mean, that's complicated. Sarah: Complicated. Justin: That's really complicated. Kitty: Oh, you know what? Then there's Justin. Justin's an addict and he went to war. Hey, and then there's Uncle Saul. I mean, that, that is incredibly complicated. Nora: Kitty, I so appreciate you trying to cheer me up but it isn't... Kitty: No, no. No buts. You're not allowed to give up. You're not allowed to give up because you believe, in your gut that this is right. And, and, and besides, we've all inherited this... this absurd drive to.. to make things that, that... Yes, they seem complicated and they're messy but we can turn them into something great. All: Yeah. Kitty: Right? All: Yeah. Right. Kitty: And if you give up, well, then, there's just no hope for the rest of us. Sarah: Don't give up... All: Oh. Kitty: Oh, man. Nora: Thanks anyway, Kitty. Robert: Look, I know you can set this up. I need a face-to-face as soon as possible. So could you give me a call? I... Well, I have something I just wanna bounce off of you. So call me when you can. Hey. Kevin: Hi. Robert: Ah, thanks. Kevin: Everything okay? Robert: Oh, yeah. Kevin: Look, obviously, I work for you but we don't always have to be so professional. Okay? We are related. I am your brother. We just have a "in" and a "law" attached. Robert: Kitty tell you that I had brought up surrogacy? I mean, with what we've gone through birth mother, it seems like the simple, straightforward thing to do. The baby would be ours legally and biologically. Kevin: So let me guess. You'd rather a surrogate, Kitty wants Trish? Robert: Yeah, exactly. And look, I get it, if this goes well, we have a baby in three months. But now Kitty's got feelings and she's got chills and, I mean, I'm willing to stand down but if she's wrong about this... Kevin: Look, take Kitty off the table for a moment. What do you want? Robert: I guess I don't know. Sarah: Thanks Saul: Just do me a favor. Don't turn around yet. Okay? Nora: What, did the rest of the ceiling cave in? Saul: No. Nora: Did you find a family of possums living in the crawl space? Why are you dragging me in here? Justin: Mom, mom, mom, be quiet, all right? Just be quiet. Nora: Do I at least get a cigarette and a chance to say my last words? Kevin: Oh, I, I think you're gonna owe us big time for this one. Scotty: Okay, Nora, turn around. Saul: Come on. Nora: Oh, my God. What... What is th...? What did you...? Did you...? Did you...? Justin: Just a little something we whipped up this morning. Kevin: When the ceiling came down, some plaster fell from the adjoining wall and there it was. Nora: It's amazing. Justin: See, without you forcing us to demolish this place, we never would've found it. Nora: All right, I'm keeping the house. Saul: Oh, sweetheart, that's great news. And you're gonna get an architect, and a contractor. Kevin: Yes? Nora: Yes.

You are so cute (S3E8)

Why would you even love me? (S3E8)

Season 3 Episode 8 - music

Going Once... Going Twice First Aired: 16/Nov/2008

" Twentythree" (2005)

"Love Love Love" by Tristan Prettyman Kevin takes Scotty to the bank. And outside kiss. Lyrics: It's 4 am The paperboy's at it again But I can't get no sleep I mean what's the point? If I can't even dream up a dream That's worth the keep And so there's no need in even going Cause I'm better off never knowing You know the media's getting Really good at lying And this time around I'm not buying Cause this life is a beautiful one And though I seen it comin undone I know most definitely That it's gonna be you It's gonna be me So baby keep your head up Keep it on the up and up and know now Cause you got all my… Love love love Cause we're all just lovers and takers Breaking hearts to make the papers She wants love I told her to stop trying Cause the reasons for your tears Aren't worth crying And this life is a beautiful one And though I seen it comin undone Well I know most definitely That it's gonna be you It's gonna be me So baby keep your head up Keep it on the up and up and know now Cause you got all my Love love love Loving all around me I think that love has found me Loving all the time And when the summer's here The waves are crashing No time for thinking Don't even ask me gonna let it all roll right past me Cause when I'm here I'm always happy And this life is a beautiful one And though I seen it comin undone Well I know most definitely It always works out the way it's meant to be So baby keep your head up Keep it on the up and up And know now cause you got all my Love love love

Season 3 Episode 8

Going Once...Going Twice First Aired: 16/Nov/2008

<< S3E5 S3E9 >>

Scotty: Sorry, I was trying to be quiet, but there's not enough room in here to swing a cat. Kevin: Did you just say "swing a cat"? Scotty: Where I come from, cats sometimes get swung. But now that you're up, can I tell you about my day? Kevin: No, you can't, because I have a little something for you. Just for being one of L.A.'S top and up-and-coming chefs. Scotty: Oh, my god. Thank you. I have the perfect place to put it, too. Kevin: Where? Scotty: My office. Kevin: The kitchen? Scotty: I mean my office. I've been promoted to head chef. On probation, of course. I still have a lot to prove. But, Kevin, head chef. Kevin: Oh, my god. That is so amazing. Wait! Saturday's "yay, Scotty made it into the artic" dinner is now a "yay, Scotty got promoted" dinner. Scotty: God, have I told you how much I love your family recently? I, I can't imagine my parents throwing me a "yay, Scotty" dinner. Although, they did once throw me a "we're so disappointed" brunch. Kevin: Considering Sarah never throws dinner parties, I actually think she likes you more than me. Scotty: God, do you know how long I've worked for this? Kevin: Yeah. I am so proud of you. Scotty: And the best part... it comes with a pay raise. So I get to do what I love and bring home a real paycheck. Maybe we can talk about getting a bigger place? Kevin: Wow, with cat swinging room? Scotty: And maybe a deck? Kevin: And a jacuzzi. Scotty: Hardwood floors. Vicki: Hey, uh, you need another? Kevin: Oh, no, I'm fine. Thanks. I'm just waiting for Scotty. Vicki: Ah! You must be Kevin, the husband. Kevin: Yeah, yeah. That's... Ah, it's me. Vicki: Oh, I'm Vicki. Kevin: Hi, Vicki. Nice to meet you. Vicki: Nice to meet you. So, uh, how proud are you? Kevin: You know, pretty... pretty darn proud. Vicki: He's taking off like a rocket ship. Kevin: Yeah. Vicki: You can lie around on the couch all day eating bonbons. Kevin: Yeah, you know, I'm... I'm not a big fan of the bonbon, plus, I do have a job. Vicki: By the way, you guys are the cutest couple ever. Kevin: Oh, thank you. Vicki: I always tell Scotty that if he wasn't gay, I'd be all over his action. Ah, here he is. Holler at me if you need anything. Kevin: Thanks, Vicki. We'll be sure to holler. Scotty: Hey, handsome. Kevin: Hey. Scotty: Sorry about that. Friends of the mayor wanted to pay their compliments. Kevin: Oh, well, as long as it's friends of the mayor and not just ordinary rich and powerful people, that's fine. Scotty: Oh, so you're bonding with Vicki. Kevin: Yeah, I'm pretty sure we could have her over for a threesome if you're interested. Scotty: Yeah, I know, but don't worry. I told her our apartment wasn't big enough for group sex. Kevin: Very clever. Scotty: You're not in a very good mood. Kevin: Huh? What? No, I'm fine. You know... Scotty: What's the matter? Kevin: Nothing. Just a minor financial hiccup. Scotty: Hmm. Define "hiccup. Kevin: We'll be fine. Scotty: Kevin, I'm your spouse, your spouse who just got a pay raise and would very much like to contribute. Kevin: Great. So can you contribute some food? I haven't eaten since is morning. Scotty: As a matter of fact, I know the head chef. I'll see what I can scrounge up. But this conversation is not over. Sarah: Hi there. Come in. Mwah. Hey. Rebecca: What Sarah: Hey. Scotty: Hey. Sarah: Congratulations, honey. Oh. oh, so well-deserved. Scotty: Thank you for having me. I can't tell you how much it means to me. Sarah: Well, it is my pleasure, really. Hors d'oeuvres? Would you like a drink? Scotty: Yeah. Sarah: Everybody's on the way. Paul, however, is, um, already here. Rebecca: Well, at least he's punctual. Sarah: Uh, no, no, no, not punctual. Early. Very, very early. You and I will be having words. Paul: Justin. Justin: Paul. There he is. Paul: Hey. Justin: Good to see you, man. How are you doing? Paul: All right. Justin: Welcome. Scotty: Who's paul? Sarah: Friend of justin's. He thought it would be a good idea to set Paul up with Saul. Scotty: Really? Justin: Becca, this is, uh, Paul. This is my girlfriend Rebecca. Rebecca: Nice to meet you. Paul: Oh, nice to meet you. Justin: And here's the, uh, the man of the hour, Scotty. Paul: Oh, congratulations on your promotion. Scotty: Thank you. Paul: I'll be honest with you. I've never eaten in your restaurant. I'm afraid the food's probably a bit too rich for me. I know it's too rich for my bank balance. Scotty: Oh, sorry. Paul: No. Tommy: Hey, guys. Hey, Paul, you gotta tell Scotty that story about you and your first boyfriend. Paul: Oh, my god. You'll love that. Come on. Come on. Sarah: Oh, hey, mom. Nora: Hi, honey. Sorry we're late. I saw uncle Saul is driving up. Sarah: Uh-huh. Kevin: Hey. Sarah: Hey. Kevin: Is Scotty here? Sarah: He's in the living room. Kevin: Great. Kevin: I have got the best surprise in the history of surprises. Scotty: Is it a puppy? Kevin: Mnh-mnh. It's a little better than a puppy. Scotty: So... Kevin: Wow. Sarah: Uh, before we all start, I would like to propose a toast to our guest of honor, Scotty. So if you'd raise your glasses... to Scotty, who we love and who we wish only the best with all the success that is coming his way. Scotty: Thank you. And thank you all. I am so proud to be a member of this family. Tommy: Oh, please. All: Aww. Sarah: To Scotty. All: Cheers. Kevin: I also have an announcement to make. Scotty, I love you so much and want nothing more than to make you happy and to provide you with... the life you deserve. And so to that end... I went out and... bought you a little something today. I bought us a house... this house. Kitty: Oh, my god. Justin: Wow. Kevin: Are, are you gonna say something? Scotty: Um... Will you excuse me? Kevin: Scotty, to... Kevin: I think he's a little... overwhelmed. Nora: Over, no. No, Kevin. He feels bulldozed. Kevin: I'm sorry. What are you talking about? Because you know what? I was just trying to make him happy. Nora: No, no. Y.. you just don't believe anyone can succeed without your help. Kevin: Hey. Scotty: Kevin, we gotta talk. Kevin: Oh, what, storming out of Sarah's house in the middle of dinner wasn't communicative enough for you? Scotty: I didn't feel like making a scene. Kevin: Well, you did. You just didn't stick around to see it. I, on the other hand, had to sit there while my mother screamed at me for being, oh, what did she say? Too controlling. Scotty: Well, you're definitely in control of our finances. I mean, look at these... gas, electric, even the magazine subscriptions... they're all in your name. Kevin: Transfer them into your name. You think I like paying for them? Scotty: I'm starting to think you do. I'm starting to think you're only comfortable in this relationship being the provider. Kevin: Oh! Here we go again. Scotty: What is that supposed to mean? Kevin: Just because my father surprised my mother with a new house, and I catastrophically did the same thing, it doesn't make us the same person. Scotty: I never said you were. Kevin: Yeah? Well, my mother sure as hell did. Scotty: Well, that's her problem with your dad. My problem is with you. Kevin: Oh, wow. For a second, I was actually relieved. Scotty: Kevin, d.. do you not want me to succeed? Kevin: How can you even ask me that when all I've done is support you? Scotty: When I was down, yes, you did. Kevin: Well, is there some accusation lurking in there? Because maybe you'd like to tell me what's wrong with supporting someone you love... Scotty: Nothing, but this feels competitive. Kevin: What's competit... You. You and me? Scotty: Why else, in the middle of a party celebrating my success, would you decide to announce, in front of everybody, that you bought me a house? Kevin: Us. I bought us a house to prove how proud I was of you. Scotty: No, you bought a house to make yourself feel better. You wanted to change the headline. Kevin: You're crazy. Scotty: Am I? Kevin: Yeah. Scotty: Kevin, when I was living in my car, you were more than willing to come to my rescue because you love being the big, successful man. But guess what? Things have changed. Kevin: Do you honestly think I want you to fail? Scotty: I think it threatens you to feel like I'm your equal. Kevin: Oh, man. Okay. You wanna know what my financial hiccup yesterday was? I am now officially... making a quarter of what I used to. A month ago, I was about to become partner. Now I am a low-paid government employee. Scotty: You wanna make changes in people's lives. Kevin: What if can't even make a change to ours? Scotty, you did keep saying you wanted to move. Scotty: I didn't mean now. I meant in a year or two when I've saved money and we can buy a house together. Kevin: Uh.... You know what? I'm... I'm sorry. I just... I guess I wanted to still prove that I could do that, that I could take care of you, and if I couldn't, then... why would you even love me? Scotty: Kevin, I don't love you because of how much money you make or because you can take care of me. I love you because your heart is bigger than your very annoying brain. And if even if you do want to be competitive with me, it wouldn't make sense... Because you're the reason I am who I am now. Kevin: Wow. I didn't realize how amazing I was. Scotty: That's exactly right. Kevin: I really did wanna surprise you. Scotty: You did. but, um, next time, make it something that we can both enjoy. ♪ Love Love Love ♪ by Tristan Prettyman ♪ Listen Scotty: Okay, we didn't drive far enough for it to be Casa Del Mar. Ooh, I'm guessing the standard, right? Kevin: Keep guessing. Scotty: I feel like we should have a safe word. Kevin: Oh, funny you should mention the word "safe. Ready? Scotty: Mm-hmm. Kevin: Ta da Scotty: We're at a bank? In pasadena? Kevin: Yeah, I drove a real big loop on the freeway to fool you, because now we have an appointment with Brett, our personal banker, who's gonna help us open our joint accounts. Scotty: You are so cute. Kevin: Then we go to Casa Del Mar. Scotty: Ooh, scratch cute. You are drop-dead sexy. Kevin: Did I do good? Scotty: Very good. Kevin: I love you. Scotty: I love you.

All I wanted was a hug (S3E5)

Season 3 Episode 5

You Get What You Need First Aired: 26/Oct/2008

<< S3E3 S3E8 >>

Kevin: What happened to my transcripts? Scotty: Did you know the Queen Mary is docked in Long Beach? It says here it never fails to impress. Kevin: They're in a blue folder. Scotty: What about Venice Beach? Do you think my parents would like Venice Beach? Kevin, I'm talking to you. Kevin: Yeah. Yes. I'm listening. The Queen Mary, Venice. You're not impressed. Scotty: Not even close. Kevin, they're coming tomorrow. Focus. Kevin: The kitchen. Scotty: Kevin, my parents. The same parents who boycotted our commitment ceremony are coming. It's the equivalent of the Berlin Wall coming down, and I know you're crazed with work, but it would be nice if we could have an actual conversation when you're in the same room. Kevin: I'm so sorry. I'm all yours. Really. What's the plan? Scotty: Okay, first I need to... I need to book them a hotel room. Kevin: Let me do that. The firm gets a great rate at the W. What's your dad's drink? Scotty: Bourbon. Kevin: Great. I'll pick up a bottle. Scotty: Oh, and would you mind getting a signed photo of Kitty for my mom? She used to be obsessed with her radio show. Kevin: Just her? How about both of them? Two smiling Republicans for the price of one. Scotty: Are you mocking me or being nice? Kevin: Both. Anything else? Scotty: No. Just meet us at Bradbury's at 7, and don't spend the entire time checking your cell phone. Kevin: Seven? Scotty: Yes. My mother read some article about their patio and made a reservation weeks ago. Kevin: Why don't we do 9? It's so much more fashionable. Scotty: My parents aren't fashionable. It's past their bedtime. What? Kevin: Okay, I think they're gonna announce the new partner tomorrow night. Scotty: Kevin, you said that last week. Kevin: Yeah, I know, but the rumor is they're gonna do this whole big cocktail thing, and then it's gonna be me, you know? I've done it. You know, even after losing Ojai Foods, I've done it. Come on. Look on the bright side. I'd be arriving as partner. Your parents might actually be impressed. Look, why don't I just meet you for dessert? Scotty: No, no. I need you to be there. Okay, just have your secretary change it to 9. And one more thing, I... Don't be mad, but I was thinking maybe we could keep the em... PDA down to a minimum. Kevin: Wow. What happened to your chant, we're here, we're queer, get used to it? Scotty: You've met my parents. Kevin: Yes, I have, and they do scare me, so I won't antagonize them by French kissing you in front of them. Scotty: I promise to make it up to you. Kevin: You better. Scotty: Mm-mwah. Go, make partner. Kevin: Hi. Hi, welcome. We're so glad you're here. Wally: Nice to see you. Kevin: And you. Bertha: Hi. Kevin: Hi again. Hi. Scotty: Kevin's gotta get to work. He's gonna join us for dinner. Kevin: Right. Oh, you guys have picked a great spot. Although we actually thought maybe we could eat a little later. You know, spot some movie stars. Scotty: Ah, Kevin has a work function. He's gonna be made partner, which is an amazing thing. Wally: Well. Kevin: Yeah. Bertha: How much later are we talking? Kevin: Ah.. Nine. Bertha: That is later. Kevin: Yeah. Heh-heh. Oh, I thought you might like this. Wally: Mm. It's a little early for a drink. Kevin: Heh-heh-heh. Kevin: It's just for the hotel. Wally: I'm more of a bourbon man, but thanks. Kevin: Yeah, I know. It's just a great blended Scotch. You know, they sign and number every box. But I think you'll love it. Scotty: Mom, Kevin got something for you too. Bertha: Oh. Scotty: The picture. Kevin: Scotty said you might like a signed photo of Kitty, my sister, and Senator McCallister. Bertha: Scotty, that is so sweet. Kevin: Yes, it is. So I've arranged that. But it's not here now because it's gonna be hand-delivered by the subjects themselves. Bertha: You mean we can meet the McCallisters? Wally: Wow. Kevin: Yeah, they're gonna join us for dinner. That was another reason we had to change the time. Bertha: Oh, that certainly is worth the wait then. Wally: Yeah. Bertha: We'll have a late lunch. Kevin: Great. Scotty: Great. Kevin: Okay, I'd better get to work... if I'm gonna make this promotion. What are you guys gonna do today? Scotty: Grauman's. Bertha: The La Brea Tar Pits. Your father is dying to see the dinosaur. Wally: Bea, it's a woolly mammoth. It's different. Kevin: Great. I'm sure you'll have a great day. Scotty: Right. Kevin: And I'll see you at dinner. Bye. Kevin: Where did you go? Scotty: The wax museum. We passed in front of Liberace, none of us said a word. Kevin: Where are you now? Scotty: You know that double-decker bus that goes up Hollywood Boulevard? Kevin: Oh, my God. Scotty: You should see my parents. They're practically hanging off the side to get a good picture of the pirate in front of Grauman's Chinese Theater. Kevin: They're having fun. You're bonding. Look, I gotta go. My destiny awaits. Scotty: I can't wait to celebrate and get off this bus. Bye. Waiter: Another bourbon on the rocks for you? Wally: Mm. Robert: No, but a driven bird coming at you is so much harder to get than one going away, like a quail. Wally: Well, I learned to shoot quail as a young boy, senator. Robert: Oh, well, then you know. There's just nothing better. Companionship, a good dog, a fine gun. Bertha: Scotty used to pan fry them with gravy on the side, right? Scotty: I don't remember the whole quail thing. Heh Bertha: Do you cook, Kitty? Kitty: Well, not quail. Not like Scotty. Scotty: Oh, look who's here. Kevin: Hey. Scotty: Okay. Here is your champagne. Kevin: Thank you. Kitty: So are you going to sit down, big shot, or are you too important for us now? Scotty: Did they give you the corner office? Kevin: Not yet. Kitty: Okay, well, here's a toast to my brother Kevin. Congratulations. We're all really proud of you. Kevin: Thank you. Wally: Here's hoping you're not involved in any of those frivolous lawsuits. I think you should listen to your brother-in-law on that particular topic. Kevin: You all having a good time? Scotty: Mm-hm. Bertha: Well, I was looking forward to sitting out on the patio. Kevin: You know, I'm so sorry. The reservation got changed so many times... Kitty: You know what? I think this table is perfect. Robert: Yeah, yeah. I think this is a good table. Bertha: You do? It is a good table, I guess. Kevin: Did you like the picture? Bertha: Oh, yes. Kitty, tell us more about the adoption. Scotty: They loved it. Bertha: I think that baby is going to be so lucky. I can't think of a better couple to raise a child. Kitty: We actually think of ourselves as lucky. Wally: Well, we both admire you so much. We wanted to vote for you for president, but... Kevin: Scotty. Scotty: I'm gonna have the lemon-garlic prawns. Kevin: Can I have a word with you? Kitty: What is everybody gonna eat? Bertha: What's good here? Scotty: What? Kitty: The filet mignon, and the teriyaki. Bertha: I think it is wonderful you're having a baby at this point in your life. I had Scotty at such a young age. Kitty: Hmm. Robert: Have you ever thought about adopting? Scotty: Oh, maybe someday, but not right now. Bertha: That's probably smart. Kitty: No, no, no. I think that they would make amazing parents, even if they are Democrats. Wally: Speacking of which, can we tell you how much we enjoyed your TV show Red, White & Blue? Bertha: So what was it like, interviewing all those famous types? Robert: That's actually how we met. Bertha: Oh, how romantic. Actually, we were told that we might meet some famous people ourselves, except I think they're all sitting out on the patio. Kevin: You know what, Bertha? I think that's enough. Bertha: Excuse me? Kevin: I'm sorry. I thought we came here to break the ice and to get to know each other, but I feel like I'm not here. Scotty: Kevin... Kevin: What? Can we please stop pretending and have a real conversation? Bertha: I thought we were having one. Kevin: No, no, that would require you to be less passive-aggressive. You can fawn over my sister and her husband because they're your pantion of Republican gods, you can honor their version of the alternative family, but you know what? Maybe I'm not smart, but someday, maybe we would like to adopt. Bertha: We drove here all the way from Arizona. Scotty: Okay, why don't we all just take a deep breath? Kevin: I can breathe just fine, thank you. Robert: Should hear him on a night he doesn't make partner. Kevin: Actually, I turned them down because I'm so sick of being a lawyer. Kitty: What.. what do you mean? Kevin: I have options. You see your two heroes here? They offered me a job. And guess what, surprise, surprise. Your gay, Democrat son-in-law is gonna take it. Scotty: You're going to work for him? Robert: Try to be a little less enthusiastic. Kevin: Yes, I am, because someone has to cross the aisle, or nothing gets done. Bertha: I'm not hungry anymore. I wanna go to the hotel. Scotty: Mo... Wally: I'm sorry. It was really a pleasure to meet you. Scotty: What hotel did you put them up in? Kevin: Oh, my God. Scotty: You forgot. Kevin: I'm... Scotty: Great. Kevin: Scotty. Scotty. Kevin: Did you find a hotel for your parents? Scotty: Motel, in Silver Lake. Kevin: Scotty, I am so sorry. Scotty: I asked for one weekend, Kevin, one. Our entire lives are about your family. My parents visit us for the first time, and you can't show an ounce of restraint? Kevin: I know. Scotty: What is wrong with you? I mean, first you introduce yourself by barging into their house on our wedding day, then you completely flip out at dinner. And after I put up with your endless work, your obsession over making partner, you blithely announce at dinner you're quitting your job to work for a Republican. Kevin: Maybe I could do good. Scotty: Have you lost your mind? Kevin: I was just trying to get your parents to like me. Scotty: Like you? Kevin: I know. Now they hate me more than ever. Scotty: Well, there's such a thing as cause and effect. Kevin: I am so sorry. If I could take it back, of course I would. It was a bad day. Scotty: You can say that again. Kevin: I didn't make partner. They gave it to someone else. And I couldn't say anything at dinner because I was so humiliated. This is by no means an excuse, but when I left work, all I could think of was getting to you because I knew once I'd see you, I would feel okay, and when I got there, the only pair of eyes that I wanted to see were yours because all I wanted was a hug. I don't blame you at all, because we agreed, no PDA. Scotty: Come here. Kevin: I swear I will make it up to them. Scotty: Come here. Scotty: I.. I made some sandwiches for the road. There's some banana bread too. Bertha: Sounds delicious, honey. Kevin: Do you need directions? Wally: No, we've got the GPS in the car, but thanks anyway. Kevin: Look, I'd... I'd like to apologize again for the other night. It was... Wally: Water under the bridge. We're sorry you didn't make partner. Kevin: Thank you. This is for you. Wally: Oh. Kevin: It's a bottle of bourbon, which is what I should've got you in the first place. Wally: You're determined to get me drunk, aren't you? Well, I appreciate this, but I'll tell you what. Why don't I take the Scotch back with me, you take this, and in a few months, maybe we'll compare notes. Kevin: I'd be very glad to. Wally: Someone's gonna have to cross the aisle, or nothing's gonna get done. Bertha: Well, we... We better get going. Wally: Right. Scotty: Bye. Wally: We love you. Kevin: Bye.

Don't do it again (S3E3)

Season 3 Episode 3

Tug of War First Aired: 12/Oct/2008

<< S3E1 S3E5 >>

Scotty: It sounds awful. Kevin: It doesn't matter how it sounds. What matters is you agreed to come. So... I... tomorrow night, you and me, 7:00, client dinner. Scotty: I just.. Kevin: Scotty, the partners have never asked me to step up like this before, okay? They're all bringing their spouses. I do not want to be the only one there without a date. Scotty: A "date"? Kevin: Ah, sorry. Spouse. So I do really need you there. If you have made plans with someone else, please reschedule. Scotty: Okay, fine. Kevin: Thank you. Scotty: Why it so crucial for you to bring a spouse anyway? Kevin: Because it validates us in the eyes of the client. If, for some godforsaken reason, someone on this planet does want to love, honor and cherish a lawyer, we can't be all that bad. Scotty: I'm so glad we had our commitment ceremony. Kevin: I didn't put a ring on your finger for nothing. And if I do manage to bag these guys, it'll be like losing the Ojai account never even happened. Scotty: All right, fine. Who are we wining and dining anyway? Kevin: Core athletics. Scotty: You realize I know nothing about sports. Kevin: Yeah, which is why I have us both covered. I made espn one of my preset buttons on the radio months ago. Scotty: Wow, it's like I don't even know you right now. Sarah: Not nearly as satisfying. Kevin: Which is why I think we would be the perfect firm for you and the Rose bowl committee. Sarah: The rose bowl? What? Kevin: Absolutely. Sarah: Kevin? Kevin: Okay, thank you. Sarah: Kevin? Kevin: Let's... let's talk soon. Thank you. Carter: Rose bowl committee? Kevin: Yeah, just, uh, just trying to drum up some new clients. Carter: You must be feeling pretty confident not to be focusing on core athletics. Kevin: Ah. Carter: Are you ready to land us a multimillion-dollar account? Kevin: Are you kidding me? Last night, I had a dream I had to recite their latest earnings report verbatim, and I did, perfectly. Carter: I'm a little concerned about their C.E.O. Ron Robinson has a-a reputation for being pretty tough to win over. Kevin: Right, because he's a perfectionist. He tries every sneaker personally before they release a new line. He's... he's like my mom. I know exactly how to handle him. Carter: I'm sure you will. But I've been to a lot more of these dinners, and it's not just about selling the firm. It's about making that... that personal connection. You may want to think about flying solo on this one. Kevin: Flying solo? Carter: Give Robinson all your attention. Don't make him compete with anyone else. Kevin: I'm sorry. Are... are you asking me to leave Scotty at home? Carter: I'm just saying that sometimes potential clients can be unpredictable. And you don't want the night to become an uphill battle. We all want you to become partner, Kevin. You land this deal, you're next in line. Scotty: Okay. Kevin: Hey. Scotty: Hey. How's my overworked husband? Kevin: Overworked. Good news... You're off the hook for tomorrow night. Scotty: I thought everyone was supposed to bring their spouses. Kevin: Yeah, they are. But, you know, you were right. I think it's gonna be awful. And besides, why do we have to be so hetero-normative? Scotty: Sounds like you're chickening out. Kevin: No, not at all. By the same token, I don't think we have anything to prove. Scotty: Kevin, you feel weird about bringing me. Admit it. Kevin: I don't feel weird about anything at all. What? Scotty: Kevin... Kevin: My boss is worried that if you were to be there with me, the client may become distracted, which is his code for saying "offended ", which is just, I don't know, a pleasant way of saying he's not sure whether this guy likes homos, and he doesn't want anything to stand in the way of the contract. Scotty: Oh, my god. Kevin: Yeah. Scotty: I'm sorry. Kevin: I thought you'd be mad. Scotty: Well, I am, at your boss. I can't believe he's putting you in this position. What did you say? Kevin: You know, Scotty, I am this close to making partner. Look, I can do a lot more from a corner office than I can from a cubicle. Scotty: You're not in a cubicle, Kevin. Kevin: That's a metaphor. It... Carter all but said if I do this right, I'm there. Scotty: Does that corner office have a big walk-in closet? Kevin: That's not fair. This is one dinner. Scotty: I think we both know it's more than that. Kevin: So what am I supposed to do? I've worked my ass off for this firm for years. If I left now, I'd have to start over. Scotty: I'm not asking you to start over. Kevin: What are you asking? Scotty: I'm asking you to be careful. Look, Kevin, you deserve to make partner, but you also deserve to be who you are. You've been working pretty hard at that, too, remember? Ron Robinson: Excellent choice of wine, Carter. Carter: Actually, Kevin suggested it. His family's in the business. Cynthia Carter: Oh, Really? That's so glamorous. Connie Robinson: That's what I keep telling Ron. Give your gym some glamour. Let people sweat in luxury. Ron: She thinks smoothie bars add luxury. Kevin: Last time I was at one of your gyms, I drank two of your banana bliss in a row. I'm actually afraid to go back. I think I put weight on that day. Ron: I told her. Guys don't want to sit on their asses and drink milkshakes, because that's what they are milkshakes at a gym. How did your family get into wine? Kevin: By drinking it, mainly. I think my brother actually uses us as quality control. Ron: Wise man. You know, I personally test every athletic shoe before it hits the market. Keivn: Really? I didn't know that. But that's how we are at the firm. I mean, if you were to sign with us, you'd be guaranteed personal attention at all times. Connie: Hope you save some attention for your wife. Kevin: Ah, yeah, of course I do. Ron: Sorry she couldn't join us. How long you two been married? Kevin: Umm, since last may. Ron: Ah, you're still in the honeymoon phase. Give it a year or two, she'll be ruling the roost. Carter: I wouldn't worry about Kevin. I can't see anybody pushing him around. He's a bulldog when he wants to be. Isn't that right? Kevin: That's me. TV: The degree of difficulty is 3. 2 Scotty: Hey, how was the dinner? Well, I've been putting a dent in our tivo backlog, and I'm all the way up to the summer olympics. Did it not go well? Kevin: Oh, no, it was the kind of evening every young associate dreams of. I was the perfect sommelier, I walked them through the advantages of Carter, wright and dupress, so much so, by the end of the night, good ol' Ron practically insisted that I take over the account personally. Scotty: So you got it? Kevin: Yeah, I got it. But in a moment of faustian proportions, I pretended to be straight. Scotty: Wasn't that kind of the plan? Kevin: I think it's one thing to leave you at home, but it's certainly another to take advice on how to deal with your new bride. Scotty: They thought you were married to a woman. Kevin: Yeah, because I let them. And right now, I practically feel sick to my stomach. You know, for the first time in my life, I went back into the closet after coming out. And you were absolutely right. It's a very dark place. Scotty: Then don't do it again... or do, but you can't play the game and second-guess yourself at the same time. Either accept what you did because it'll get you what you want, or go in there tomorrow and tell them you're drawing a line in the sand. Make a decision. I don't care which one. Kevin: You're absolutely right. And I'm gonna go in tomorrow morning and tell Carter exactly what I think. Scotty: Good, because I actually did care which one you chose. Kevin: I feel a whole lot better already. Scotty: You wanna watch the rest with me? Kevin: Ah, you know what? I'm kinda exhausted. Scotty: It's the diving competition. Kevin: Hmm, well, I did want to get into some more sports. Kevin: No, no, the guy needs permits to keep animals on his property, even if they're bees, and he didn't apply for one before moving, so there's your angle. Yeah, or you could call the president. I'm sure that would work, too. Uh, senator, I have to go. Bye. Carter: I'm not used to being summoned to an associate's office. What's so important? Kevin: I, I just wanted to talk about last night. Carter: Well, I just got off the phone with Ron Robinson. He's faxing over the retainer right now. Kevin: Yeah, yeah, he... he called earlier to tell me that. Carter: Then what's the problem? Kevin: I wanna make partner here more than you know. But a few things happened last night I don't think I handled well. Carter: Are you kidding me? You handled it perfectly. You did exactly what you were supposed to do. You landed the deal. You should be proud. Look, I have a partners' meeting in five minutes, and I was planning on raving about your performance, so... if that's all there is... Kevin: Yes, sir, that's all. Carter: Good. Keep up the good work.